Do you know what has become the single most obnoxious thing on television? The Dairy Queen commercials with the deep voiced guy who walks around in random settings saying random bullshit. It is a take on what I would view to be the once entertaining Old Spice commercials. The first (of the recent commercial trends) script of the commercial is below:
Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on a horse
As the commercial progresses, so does the background behind the guy who is constantly moving from scene to scene, ultimately winding up on said horse. I admit, I saw it and laughed. Saw it a second time and thought of how creative and unique it was. Third time, please...apply the law of diminishing returns on it.
Old Spice however won me back with the commercial where a different guy just came on the screen and yelled about how the scent of their deodorant will blow your mind "out in front of your face"
Very cheesy special effects but with the yelling and such this commercial, in my book (which will be available in the future) is perfect. It did not make me buy any Old Spice products, but it kept me from changing the channel.
What followed next were the douche cousins of Old Spice commercials. Look at this guy for Gillette:
And now this guy for Dairy Queen:
The genesis of the Old Spice commercials was savvy, saying this what you should do if you want to be a man. Nothing altruistic about it, but rather a straightforward don't be a sissy kind of commercial. But after two series of these commercials and this format, I got tired of it. Bring in this guy from Gillette who is the smarmiest of them all and I instantly switch from Gillete products to Barbasol. Again playing up the man thing, this guy proceeds to appeal to every tribal arm tattooed frat boy who had to make room in his cabinet for Gillette shaving cream amongst his Axe body spray collection. Finally, we have the suspected sexual predator from Dairy Queen. Okay, I don't know that for a fact, but his character comes off more as a Law & Order: SVU villain than a manly man telling me ice cream isn't just for fat chicks. Shave your mustache with Gillette, you weasel.
The one off the wall series of commercials I have yet to tire of is the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" Commercials. Brilliantly establishing a fictional man with outlandish claims better than Chuck Norris facts, he takes the time to mention, amid all his busy endeavors, that when he has a second to drink a beer, he prefers Dos Equis. My favorite line out of all of them? "He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels."
And "That's what really grinds my gears."
Coming up tomorrow, I continue what I hope to make a weekly mainstay feature during the NFL season: Flipping the Bird, my commentary on the Philadelphia Eagles.
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