Quadruple Movie Review - A cartoon, two great movies, and one really gay-boring choice

Starting on last Thursday night, Kim and I went on a tear of watching newer movies. From family selections to deadly scenarios, below is a brief review of four movies:

Puss in Boots

Awful. Terrible. Horrendous. Stupid. Lame. Could have been better if it featured real live paint drying. This movie was highly anticipated by me Kim and Rocco. We often were entertained by the cat Puss in the Shrek movies, especially when he got fat. I will admit, several times while seeing Puss pose and make wild accusations of himself, I chuckled. The shape of this cat is always hilarious to me. He looks plain ridiculous.

Synopsis - Puss learns of magic beans held by Jack and Jill, who have evil intentions for it. Some masked cat comes along wanting to take the beans as well. Puss is also an outlaw with a big reward on his head, but it is never explained why. The other cat is a chick, and I cannot recall her name. She is working with Humpty Dumpty to retrieve the beans and get the goose that laid the golden egg. Turns out Humpty and her have evil intentions as well, but the girl falls in love with her Puss and does not want to betray him. Puss and Humpty argue about why Puss won't work with the two of them and then flashes back to a convoluted story about their disagreement. I think my 6 year old would understand the word convoluted more than he would this story so far. The trio works together, retrieves the beans, goes up to the bean stalk and steals the golden goose's gosling. Humpty becomes good again and somehow there is a happy ending. I don't remember anything else in between.

So, if I did a shitty job presenting the story, that's because it was executed shittyingly. I follow corn mazes better than I did this movie. Rocco asked 4 times to do something else, but since I ordered the movie on pay-per-view, we wouldn't let him do anything else. It was family night in celebration of our 3 year anniversary together as we feasted on homemade tacos.

Overall - Aside from laughing at the shape of Puss, I give this movie a D. Not as bad as Cars 2, but worse than Home Alone 4. Do not see this movie. Also, the overuse of nursery rhyme jokes got a bit absurd after the first 10 minutes.

The Grey

Liam Neeson plays another role where he knows everything that his character can possibly know. He has a character whose name I cannot recall and couldn't pronounce when it was going on. However, this movie was intense for film dedicated to staredowns with wolves.

Synopsis - Neeson works as a wolf/wildlife sniper for workers on the Alaskan pipe line. The workers are convicts, drug addicts, bad guys in life who would best function for society strictly as workers. They work somewhere deep in the middle of nowhere in Alaska. The opening scenes cut to a lunch room where random fights are allowed and people are drinking/eating/swearing up a storm. Neeson is actually shown sniping a wolf as it runs for one of the pipeline workers. He has a lot of respect and knowledge of the wolves and you can tell his job is performed excellently yet begrudgingly. The crew boards a flight to head back to some main area of Alaska on a horrible sunny day. The people on the plane irritate Neeson. He knows he is better than these guys. The plane gets some major turbulence and starts to break apart and crashes down. The plane crash scene is very intense. People screaming while Neeson does his best to secure himself in his seat while scenery, bodies, engine parts, plane parts, and snow circulates around him. The movie features a lot of cutscenese focusing on him being with his wife in a bed as she turns to him and says something like, "Don't be scared." These dreams end with something dramatic, like him being sucked away into a snow bank as he awakes after the plane crash. He walks around for survivors and finds maybe less than 10 people. All very intense, as the workers watch their friends die or their dead bodies burn. Neeson lets them all know that wolves are their number one enemy in these parts and he treks them out across the snowy terrain of Alaska. However, one by one the survivors are killed by wolves. Neeson says wolves are unique in that they aren't killing them to eat, but rather to show dominance. Eventually only 3 of them make it very far into the journey. One of the guys, who opposed Neeson throughout the movie and eventually saw the light, decides to leave himself behind. He hurt his leg earlier and realizes he is more liability than asset. He sits on a log to admire the scenery as he knows wolves are coming in for the kill. Neeson and his last partner eventually get chased by wolves, and the other guy falls into a rapid river. He gets his foot stuck and, try as Neeson might to save him, his partner drowns. Neeson, alone, tired, and with nothing left, feels like he is bound to pass out. At this point, he hears the howls, then one unique howl that sends the other wolves scattering. The Alpha confonts Neeson, and he prepares for one final showdown, while cutting back to the same scene with his wife. Only this time, the camera pans back to see that his wife is about to die as the intravenous bags drip something into her tubes. With nothing left to lose, Neeson arms himself with a small blade and tapes some small broken glass bottles to his hand. Fin.

Overall - The thing I most like about this movie is that not one second of the day is safe from the wolves. They show up during the day and night. There is a lot of stand downs with the wolves as Neeson explains the wolfpack logic. The night scenes are way intense as you only see the glowing eyes of wolves around them. The grizzly deaths of the humans and one wolf beheading are very graphic yet fit the movie perfectly.  Neeson's dialog is fantastic throughout as are the other characters who add much to the movie of only 7 real main actors. We were actually both blown away by this movie and would recommend it to everybody. Grade A movie.

Contagion

After seeing that 21 Jump Street was not available at Red Box, we looked up stuff as an asshole was impatiently waiting behind us. Not my problem buddy. Anywho, we saw this movie that told of pandemic mystery disease that starred a lot of well known actors.

Synopsis - The movie starts off on "Day 2" where Gwyneth Paltrow is waiting for a plan and it is revealed she just spent some time with a dude during her flight's layover from Hong Kong, stuck in the Chicago Airport. She is coughing a little bit. She gets home and appears to have the worst flu ever, eventually seizuring and being hospitalized. Within hours after being in the hospital she is dead. Matt Damon, her husband, is livid that she died and nobody has anything as to why she died. His stepson, Paltrow's son, dies eventually as well as Damon looks for answers. He has to be quarentined in the hospital as his house is like a ground zero. He eventually is deemed to be immune to the disease. Elsewhere around the world, a Hong Kong businessman who is sick has the same seizures on a train, and it is video captured and goes viral, no pun intended, across the world. Laurence Fishborne is in the CDC and he sees the video, dispatching an epidemiologist to Hong Kong. The CDC tries to delineate where the disease came from and researches for a cure/vaccine. Meanwhile, some conspiracist guy has a video blog to get information out about how some over the counter item can cure the disease. He contracted it himself and was cured over a couple days with this. By the time the disease has reached the 100 day mark, it is as if humanity is lost. Looting has taken over the U.S. and people are living without laws. Eventually a vaccine is found and lotteries based on birthdays is announced and the lawlessness starts to die down. The end of the movie takes you into some Asian rain forest currently being deforrested, presumably for logging. A bat falls out of a tree and shits over some local pig farmer's ranch. The pig eats the shit. Then a chef in a Hong Kong casino gets the pig and prepares/butchers it. Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow is some powerful business woman and is on a business trip concluding in a Hong Kong casino. The chef, after preparing the food, wipes his hands on his apron and shakes her hand. Boom. Pandemic.

Overall - Grade A (but like a 96%). There is so much detail to this movie that my paragrpah above does not elaborate on. Throughout the movie, they play a bunch of cool techno-ish type music. The coolest and creepiest part is the panic that sets in across the world, specifically in the United States. Matt Damon's neighbors are shot to death after the panic has set in, so he investigates the house and steals that family's gun for his own protection. His daughter, who does not know if she is immune, is forced to stay in the house until her lottery number is drawn. She wants to see her boyfriend, but her dad does not allow it. In the end, the boyfriend is vaccinated and he comes over on the previously scheduled Prom Night if schools were still in session. You can only assume that  the world is eventually saved. It was like the movie Crash, but with diseases affecting everybody everywhere. Very good movie without being overly scientific. I highly recommend it, and think it may have even been a slight nudge better than "The Grey."

Glee Concert Movie in 3D

Yes, Kim and I are Glee-tards. I think it has some cool messages for the youths of today who seemed confused about everything in their 15 minutes on this planet so far. The comedy is pretty funny on the show, and I can handle most of the singing they do on the show, minus when they have solo broadway type songs that suck man-ass. Speaking of man-ass, I think Kurt's dad is the best character on the show. He is not always given something hilarious to say, but he is a tough and rugged old man who has a flaming gay son, and he is cool with it and accepting and constantly shows he is proud of his son, while being a single dad. It is a very good message that is implied in this portion of the show. I came out of the kitchen with a bowl of cerial and Kim had it set on the TV.

Synopsis - A bunch of misfits and typically outcasts are shown giving their story on what Glee means to them and how it has helped them find friends, get over being a dwarf, coming out of the closet, and dealing with weight issues. Good messages, just a little overbearing at times. The singing is what it is. A bunch of singers who can act a little while running around a stage in character. The one thing that is impressive about the show is the kid Arnie who is supposed to be handicapped. For those that don't watch the show, he is parapalegic and does everything in a wheelchair, including dance routines. Watching him actually sing while dancing within the confines of a wheelchair he self-propels is actually very impressive.

Overall - Boring. I felt a little emberassed actually that it was on my TV. C minus.