Awwwww....the Denver Broncos

Well folks, I just flew back from Denver and boy are my arms tired. I will say the altitude adjustment was rough. Even when I’m standing a mile high I was still shorter than everybody else. 

All joking aside about the Denver Broncos, the city of Denver was very relaxing. As a new vegetarian, it was great eating. As a hater of hipsters and unnecessary beards, I hated it. At least the parts I was in were very much dominated owned or run by youths. And these fuckers knew everything about anything. 

We drove around the city one morning and there was what appeared to be a swap meet for homeless people where college-aged students were supplying donations and all. But that day we were going to the best place I ate there: City O’City. It was more vegetarian than any other place we had gone. The meat substitutes they had prepared were unlike anything I had before. We had to wait first for maybe 45 minutes so we walked the town. We went by where the homeless swap meet was but when we began walking towards it I noticed the view of the mountains from the city. I think that moment I fell in love with Denver. 

Living in Pennsylvania I don’t get to see super mountains like these. 

Snow covered mountaintops looked even cooler when we were flying home. I looked down at the Great Plains then looked back towards Denver and saw the huge snow covered Rockies in the distance. 

My wife and I enjoyed our time there. I want to go back in the summer and would do a winter trip there again too. Missed out on snowmobiling but had just enough exposure to want to go back more than once in the future. 

Plus I want to go back to check my score: 

Dubold 2017 NFL Draft Predictions

No, this isn't about the players or teams involved. It's about the City of Philadelphia showing the NFL how we roll. 

1. Roger Goodell gets booed out the building. No way that the designers of the NFL draft outdoor theater DID NOT take acoustics into consideration when they built that erection. This isn't just like the introductory boo Chicago gave. I hope it is to the level of th NHL draft. Also, watch Roger get booed at thenEagles pick, hopefully the crowd cheers at the name, and then boos the notorious Goodell bronhug that follows. 
2. I would love the crowd to boo everybody who isn't the Eagles. That would be incredible. There is a special presenter for the Ravens. A kid with a rare or terminal disease (I apologize for forgetting the name but the kid is brace from what I recall). The crowd WILL cheer that kid then they will boo the crap out of the selection. 
3. The Eagles will not pick a player tonight with a red flag. The city is in that spotlight, one night atop the sports world. I hope the GM and owner and coaches are smart enough to not pick up a woman hitter or accused rapist. You cannot have this event in the city, knowing that #1 and 2 above will happen, and pick a questionable character person. 
4. Rich Eisen will have terrible Philadelphia jokes. I used to like him a lot. I used to listen to his show all the time. Then it became a three hour tedious event to labor through. No thanks. And when #1 and 2 above happen, we will be reminded about snow balls at Santa. Oh and the Eagles play on Christmas this year. 
5. We will be represented by national media coverage as cheesesteak eating fatasses who's greatest achievement was Rocky. That said, tomorrow's talk radio will be awesome and prideful. 

That's it! Deep down I hope the Eagles get Christian McCaffrey or I guess one of those two top receivers. You won't need to resign Jordan "Every Other" Matthews and Agholor can pack his terrible bags and finally catch something: the next plane out of town. I hope for McCaffrey or a top not-acccused-of-rape corner. I will seriously reconsider my fandom if they select Joe Mixon. 

Tonight two birds will rule Philadelphia: the Eagles and the boo birds!

Red eyes and black eyes

 

So an Asian, a plane crew, and some police walk into a plane....

Too soon? The only thing I think I will remember from the recent United Airlines event is the comical screams of the doctor as he was being forcibly removed from a plane. So they offer you money. You don't have to take it. They up. You don't have to take it. They COULD have maxed out at $1,350 but they didn't. I would've taken it. Then they explained why people were going to be selected. Then they called the doctor and told him. Gave him a chance to get off. Then after he is forced out the chair he falls into the seat across the aisle. The screaming stopped because he was knocked out. 

My only question here is why did he scream like a banshee? There are so many outraged people right now it's ridiculous. People need to find the airline guilty of overbooking, not treating their customers like shit.  Unfortunately for the man the airline rules that we all usually agree to were actually enforced. When somebody doesn't want to leave but they need to and you've already kind of sort of agreed to, how do you get the person out? You call the police. 

But alas we live in an era where everybody is a reporter. Everybody wants to be the next big sensation online. There was a scene on the plane and people start filming because they can't mind their own business. Don't get me started on how police are treated or how they treat others these days. You see far more bad than good. The scandal started then more videos came out. People actually recorded video of the man talking to United on the phone and when the bloodied man returned inexplicably to say, "Kill me..." over and over? Why was he acting like a teenage girl on the day of a test who just had a fight with her boyfriend? Keep in mind that since this doctor made a big deal about his exit, "the internet" revealed that this doctor had a strong showing in the World Series of Poker and also he was convicted of a prescription drug scandal recently. So maybe this isn't the nicest dude out there to begin with. If you aren't complying with rules, you need the police. If you refuse to get off a plane after being offered money, and claim to be a doctor or whatever, keep in mind nobody at the time could confirm that, and United had planes that led to the worst attack on our country, why wouldn't police do what they have to do? It's like wearing meat flavored shorts in shark infested waters. 

These events led to people, honest to God, holding up protest signs to boycott an airline that was doing something the man agreed to and needed police to intervene. To make it worse, a couple days later somebody boarded a plan and a frigggin scorpion fell down and stung a passenger. And this morning I read this: https://www.yahoo.com/style/united-airlines-kicks-couple-off-plane-en-route-wedding-181721817.html. 

Read that article. How do you get kicked off a flight because somebody else was in your seat? Oh and also an air marshall kicked them off, not the airline policy. The best is when the father of the bride says they expected something like this in Costa Rica (the destination of the wedding) but not the US? Why? Because those head hunters and cannibals in Costa Rica can't handle normal activity? Maybe your daughter and son acted on better than those barbarians down there. 

I think I hold them more responsible for the scorpion than anything else I've mentioned. You cause a scene that is unnecessary, perhaps this happens: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pofUsd9hEi8. 

Maybe you're the problem, not them. 

Snowboarder caught in avalanche, films ordeal - GrindTV.com

Snowboarder caught in avalanche, films ordeal - GrindTV.com

I want to rename this post, "How to be an absolute Douche."  The video is what it is.  The guy starts to snowboard, then all of a sudden it looks like his movement on the mountainside causes the avalanche, and he falls, fast, with the snow.  The rider appears smart enough to know all he can do is slide down with the snow.  Quick thinking if you ask me that maybe saved his life or saved him from severe injury.  The guy here, not the douche I'm referring to.  Comments on the video range from somebody saying they couldn't view it to another poster suggesting a guy kill himself for saying the video quality wasn't that good.  People then go on and on about how it's not an avalanche, just a small snow slide, but "get's the heart rate up nonetheless." Douches.  That last comment is saying like it was some kind of amateur "baby's first fall" when the guy commenting has probably been through a hellacious mudslide.

I have to say, I never understood the whole "GoPro" thing until I see things like this.  Okay, so a part of me still can't understand what this guy intends to do with the video he made if he didn't have an avalanche.  Somewhere, in the middle of Romania, there is a woman sitting on a couch who just watched her 400th snowboard video.

I do believe though that through other's misfortunes that were captured by a GoPro or other personal camera, you are able to find some extreme situations you can learn to survive.  The avalanche video taught me what would probably be my only chance to survive that type of fall.  Now, the video of a guy who was in the Red Bull extreme grand canyon bike racing/jumping contest does me no good, even if the rider is removed from the bicycle and falling to certain doom.  That is just a situation that I would not ever be in.  I hope that my end in this life isn't met with a dirty dusty fall from a children's way of moving around before they can drive.

Yeah that's right, I called the bicycle pretty much a children's toy.  There are several "cyclists" as they are called.  I think your group should be called "bikeys."  If a toddler rides a trikey, than you at any age ride a bikey.  Ever see the video of a guy riding his bikey through the woods, and then out of nowhere a bear starts chasing him?  Like a nasty brown bear?  I will admit, if he wasn't on the bikey, he was probably dead meat.  However, the speed he was already at helped him avoid the sideswipe attempt from the bear.  The only problem is though his path was the only thing his bike could really handle, leaving the bear plenty of open running space as well.  Eventually there's a tree down, like some other bear set this trap years ago for idiot bikeys.  The guy picks up his bike and runs through the woods, and, I shit you not, literally hides behind a tree to escape the bear.  I don't think I could run through the woods carrying the bike like that and hide behind a baby tree.  The guy is a better survivor than bikey.  I wouldn't survive that situation, but I also don't hop on a toy made for a child with my only contact with the outside world being a video that may or may not be eaten by a bear.  The comments on that video were like "what an amazing escape" and "new pants!" below the video feed.  The truth is the guy is stupid and would've risked hundreds of thousands of dollars had that bear got him in rescue efforts.  Just saying.

I honestly don't know if I could be friends with somebody who got excited about his/her GoPro.  You know who should wear GoPros? Doctors who perform surgeries.  Cops who may or may not go above the law, or just have as evidence if there is any doubt.  It shouldn't be for somebody wanting to show me how far they road down a dirt road.  Sorry brochacho, but I just don't care.

Tell me your story, how about that.  Tell me of the avalanche.  Honestly, if you told me about the avalanche, and then showed me the video, I couldn't think it would do what you actually went through any justice.  How do these people not have a 55-second clip of them yelling the f word? (the video is 55 seconds long).  How did the guy avoiding a bear attack not repeatedly say shit?  You can say the GoPro is made for the heroic or courageous recreationalist.  Or a bikey.

Supa Duba! Preview of Super Bowl XLIXVIIIXLC

Was the first Super Bowl designated with a 1? Or an I?  I wasn't a part of the beginning of the Super Bowl Era in the NFL, and nor am I really a part of it right now I guess.  What I am, though, is a fan.  I had some discrepancies with the moral compass laid out earlier this year by the NFL, but I realize no matter what I will never not be a fan.  Football is an amazing game.  This year two amazing teams get to play for the big trophy, and let's hope anything is better than last year.

Last year we saw the number one offense versus the number 1 defense, and it showed defense rules supreme. This year, it is being billed as two teams nobody likes going against each other.  I personally still like the Seahawks.  It's mostly their receivers I cannot tolerate.  I agree with the notion that you can't spout off for the second year in a row that nobody believed in you when you were an 8 point favorite at home, defending Super Bowl champions with the #1 seed in the entire NFL once again.  It doesn't work like that.  That makes people hate you.  The Patriots, well, they deal with their own self-created drama where we got to hear for one weak how Tom Brady likes his balls handled.  Aaron Rodgers likes him some firm balls, while Tom Brady likes his a little saggier.  In the Philadelphia area, people will more likely root against the Patriots rather than cheer the Seahawks.  Nationally we are constantly being told that nobody outside of New England and Washington state will care.  Which reminds me of Summerslam 1992 from Wembley Stadium, England.  It was two of the more popular bad guy acts in all of the WWF.  

Shawn, on the left, was originally managed by Sensational Sherri.  She sung his theme song, which when it was just her voice and her walking down with him looking like a total whore was the best entrance you could ever have in pro wrestling at the time.  However, Rick Martel, who was known as the Model, started butting his nose in their business, often finding himself flirting with Sherri.  It set up a match between two of the more hated guys.  The hate that you want to see them get beat up.  I remember leading up to the show, a twelve year old me excited to see them beat the crap out of each other.  Only I never saw it until i prepped for this post.  I used to listen to it on the PPV channel back in the day where the audio came in well, but the picture was mostly scrambled or a negative.

It should be noted that these two wrestlers went to a double countout, a draw or tie, if you will.  Sherri passed out as the two battled trying to revive her.  The two bad guys had a deal that they could do anything they needed to win, but punch in the face.  During the match, it went outside for a few minutes.  Shawn eventually got knocked down.  Martel approached Sherri and gave her an erotic awkward hug and it looked like they may have briefly kissed.  Eventually things broke down in the ring, and they hit each other in the face.  Sherri passed out.  They check on her. Martel knocks Shawn out again.  Martel tries to revive Sherri with erotic looking chest thrusts.  They both get counted out.

It should be noted that Sherr's last name was Martel, and she was in real life Rick Martel's sister.  I know it's not where the phrase came from, but it is true that a tie is like kissing your sister. Or molesting her.  For PPV-caliber money.

So yeah, this game will be like molesting your own sister.  Yikes, this got dark...sorry, let's get back to the game.  How could you not be excited for this game between the two best in the league going at it for a second year?  

And here's a fun picture of a Seahawk with a bunch of dinosaurs.

Perhaps the Katie Perry Half Time Show with like a billion guests will keep everybody involved.  Lenny Kravitz will be there.  Yeah. This guy who makes every song sound like NOT "Are You Gonna Go My Way."  Yeah, this guy is rock and roll.

Probably couldn't get a cab.  So, on to the actual game.  Here's what I'm looking forward to:

1. Herculean effort by Russel Wilson:  The week before Championship Sunday had the experts saying the Seahawks need to strike first because they aren't built to come from behind.  Especially against Aaron Rodgers.  The Packers sure enough went up by really 3 scores.  Wilson was picked off 4 times.  He eventually got the ball rolling (into his receivers' hands) and they came back with a three play drive in OT to score the game winning touchdown.  His game stats looked weak, but his poise and determination was shown, and I think I can always find myself cheering this guy on.

2.  Deflated-balls type taunt: If the Seahawks make a go ahead touchdown late or blow out the Patriots in the early going, expect something like this from the Frick and Frack of NFL, Jermaine Kearse or Doug Baldwin.  They are team players, but they have less class than I have ovaries.  Actually, if any ball references are made by hand gestures, I expect it to be from Marshawn Lynch.  But maybe that's what he wants you to expect....hmmmm....maybe he should just do a DX crotch chop.

3.  If the announcers address Seahwaks fans leaving one of the most epic games I ever saw early: I will never ever understand why you would leave a conference championship game.  The loudest and "best fans" in the NFL were not as loud or best as they normally are two weeks ago.  There is nothing else in that city to root for, except, as SNL portrayed last night in their Super Bowl themed show, "Coffee and rain!!"  I guess this item will be more about other people's reactions on social media to statements about the "12's".

4.  This:

That's a parade of Patriots passing by Tom Brady in a high five misfire seen by a lot of people.  It's okay, joke is actually on them as this is Tom Brady on a non-playing day:

Seriously, I think that is why people hate Tom Brady.  He's a pretty boy with a charmed life, supermodel wife, and all the money we could ever envy.  Just don't forget he earned it all, and yeah it's by throwing a football, but who cares, you still want to watch him get beat up, and if he was your quarterback you wouldn't have it any other way.

5.  Hits: I think both teams are easily agitated and physical.  The Patriots are crammed down America's throat in prime time games so I've seen them play a lot.  Legarrette Blount is awesome.  Lynch is destructive.  The secondaries on both teams play physical.  The linebackers are quick and cunning.  The Patriots receivers look like they chirp a lot, but they are the size of my 8 year old.  The Seahawks wide receivers are tiny, and they go ghetto fabulous on a great play.  That type of attitude gets you hit.  Plus, if you played defense in the Super Bowl, wouldn't you just want to get that game changing hit on Tom Brady?  How about being the guy that finally figures out how to be a brick wall to Russell Wilson?

6.  Commercials:  I haven't given up hope yet that I won't laugh my ass off this year at some.  I hate seeing ads on the side of some websites saying "Watch the new Budweiser ad and then wipe away your tears and remind yourself your a man."  No. If you cry at a commercial, you are a tool.  I mean a bear commercial.  They also say their is some domestic violence PSA coming out from the NFL.  I really want to know when it is going to air, so I don't have to explain to my 8 year old what domestic violence is and why I watch a sport with athletes who do it if it is so wrong.

7.  Collinsowrth coming up with new ways to praise everybody everywhere:  I think if you had Chris Collinsworth team up Joe Buck, that would be the worst broadcast team in America.  Al Michaels is great, but he tends to ride along the compliment train with Colinsworth by the end of a game.  I hope he can just stick to the game at hand rather than stuff like "they say this..." and "...you know the old saying..." and "...I've talked to many around the league who think this guy is/can/would've/could've/is going to be..."

Geez I guess I didn't make this Super Bowl sound too exciting.  Bottom line is I am excited.  The Tom Brady-Bill Belichek Patriots are a different team than the Peyton Manning All-Star Broncos.  The world told the Patriots they were finished after 4 games this year, seemingly in an insurmountable hole.  They went on to practically steam roll every other team but the Packers and Ravens.  The Seahawks seemed like a sure fire Wild Card team.  Yet, they clawed their way in to the best team in the NFL status.  You can argue the Cardinals losing two quarterbacks helped them, but I have a feeling the Seahawks would've rose anyway.  Next year may be a different story.

This year, I hope to watch the Patriots evolve their play mid-game.  I hope to watch a relentless Marshawn Lynch make defenders explode away from him and that defense attack every part of the offense.  I will be rooting for the Seahawks, as this will be the last year they are in the Super Bowl for a while.  I think, however the Patriots will win.  I heard yesterday that 3/4 defenders in their secondary have injuries that would keep them out of any other type of game.  One of them is expecting a baby today and may not be there.  If the baby was born this morning, then look out, Patriots, that could change everything momentum wise if one of the defensive leaders births a child this morning, what better way to celebrate and inaugurate the king child?  Bottom line is, thinking about this - I think the Patriots Offense is better equipped to score on the Seahawks defense than the Seattle offense is capable of scoring on New England.  However, the best performances against the Patriots has been the run game.  The Seahawks lack of true receiver strength could help them avoid having a star blanketed by Darrell Revis.  If the Seahawks win, Luke Wilson or Russell Wilson are MVP.  They will need a major effort from both these guys to tack on points and yards.  If the Patriots win, I expect Brady, Gronkowski, or Blount to win the MVP.  So, I see it playing out like this:

1st Quarter - Feeling out process, Patriots 3, Seattle 0

2nd Quarter - Some big plays develop, but both teams show wrinkles of great playmaking, Patriots 13, Seattle 6.

3rd Quarter - Adjustments and Seahawks start with the ball, even steven quarter, 16-16. Deuces.

4th Quarter - Back and forth and both teams playing not to lose, 23-23. Deuces wild.

Overtime - Yes, I think this continues on and the announcers don't wish for this to end, as everybody on the east coast hopes it does soon.  26-23, Patriots.

There you have it, a historic game that adds so much more to history of the NFL.  Patriots' coach-quarterback combo wins a Super Bowl 10 years after it's last one, Brady joins the likes of only 2 other quarterbacks in history, with a unique spin.  If you ever want to be known for than being more than a cheater, this is the game to prove it, and I think they will.

Life Hacks

First and foremost, I hate, HATE, the term "hacks."  Seriously? Do we have to try to give everything a cool name these days?  Rocco keeps talking to me about MineCraft hacks that he wants to do.  I would get so angry at him as I told him he wasn't hacking anything and opening our computer up to virus and all that other crap.  Then I realized he wasn't reading an actual book about hacking.  It was a fucking strategy guide.  Remember when Nintendo Power made strategy guides?

I had this once.  Did you know it's on sale in Ebay for $35?  I read through this, and realized I didn't want to play the game anymore.

I see so many different people on Facetwit and Booker and Mystagram putting things up like "101 Kitchen Hacks" or "1000 Life Hacks"  What do these include? Well, one of them says to put a tablespoon of vanilla extract into your paint before you start to paint the house, reducing the fumes and making your home smell like vanilla!  BUT, do not put paint in your cookies!  Then, let the ants and other pests enjoy that new vanilla smell in your home.  Dubalternative Life Hack - Open a f-in window.

Need a technology hack? Apparently if you can't afford Microsoft Word, get "open office."  According to the hackist, it has more features and it's free!  Dubalternative Life Hack - Why do you have a computer then?

Seriously, somebody wrote "When returning from a vacation put your dirty shoes inside the free hotel shower caps. That way the rest of the stuff in your suitcase won't get dirty."  Similar Life Hack - Do not use a loaded pistol as a hair dryer.  It will not dry your hair, but rather just blow your brains out.

Seriously (I wrote that again?), let's look at that hack I just said.  This implies that the person who came up with it just did another variation of what any other person would do - keep their smelly things separated from their clean things.  You would probably do this by using some bag.  That means that this guy was traveling around without any kind extra bag for his dirty clothes.  He had no other solution and at the last minute found a shower cap and crammed his tiny ass shoes into the makeshift bag.  That still leaves the top or bottom of your shoes exposed, unless there is an odd draw string in the shower cap.  This guy is not somebody who has found out the secret to life.

Here's another brain buster, mind blower - "Always feel tired even after getting a good, long sleep? You're probably dehydrated -- drink some water right when you wake up." You mean do that thing you need to do stay alive?  Cool story bro.  You should go work for Dr. Oz.

"Want a free doughnut? Mark March 9th down on your calendar. Krispy Kreme are giving away free doughnuts.  No purchase necessary."  For real?  Want a free doughnut in 2 months?  Maybe, if you want one RIGHT NOW, you can ask somebody in your office for $1 because you really, really want a doughnut right now, then never pay them back, you hungry fuck.

Finally, the last published life hack I will share is "If you ever get caught in a burning building, get low. The breathable air will be near the floor."  This isn't a life hack.  This isn't a tip.  This is a rule of fire safety that you should teach everybody.  Not one person who has ever been taught fire safety should be going, "ooooh that's good I must do that."  The reasoning behind it isn't even there.  That explains why this is important.

So, I despise anybody who wants to share things with me that they call hacks.  It's a freakin' tip.  In most cases, it's common sense.  Some dude recommending spreading mayonnaise across your water stained furniture obviously accidentally figured that out, and I dare you to smear that egg and oil based product all over your beloved furniture.  I'll try that at home, then let you know when the swelling in my lip goes down after my wife punched me.

Now, that doesn't mean I haven't learned any TRICKS of my own.  Actually, it's more like beliefs based on pure science.  My HACKS, or general knowledge that I apply to life, are far less trivial than grabbing a free hair net to protect your clothes from your stinky ass shoes that you probably should've left behind anyway.  Let's get some of my favorite things I have actually learned, tested, and live by:

1. Snot rockets are more powerful than blowing your nose.  You are less likely to blow out your ear drums and can get a deeper purge from your nasal cavity, per nostril.  The force at which expectorant leaves the body allows clearance all the way down into your throat.

2. When you spill water, and do not have many items left to dry it up, spread the puddle out.  If you have nothing to dry it up with, use your hands to spread the puddle.  The greater surface area something has, the quicker it will evaporate.  Leave a cookie pan with 1 ounce of water out in the open next to a small glass with 1 ounce of water.  The cookie sheet will dry out quicker.

3. Driving up to and/or over the speed limit during inclement weather is hazardous to everybody.  In some situations, even in normal weather driving up to the speed limit can be dangerous.  It is technically a limit, and you should not go past that.  You only have a right to complain about the driving of others if they are going below a posted speed MINIMUM.  Now quick thinking your big balls pickup truck deserves the right of way and stick to the signs.  They are there for your safety.

Okay, #3 sounds like a stupid "hack" like I have been critiquing up to now. But seriously, who makes these things up?  Why can't it just be "oh I tried this once and it worked"? Instead you act like you are some kind of hipster pioneer, hacking through life like it is the Matrix.  Do you know when the last time I wanted to be cool was?  Like 18 years ago.

Sigh.  But alas, we live in an age now where everybody wants credit for something, and never told that they lost.  Nobody gets to know how to pick themselves back up.  I am very glad I went through the challenges I had in my life.  I'm glad I can share this stuff to my loved ones. I got advice.  I have lessons I learned.  I have real life experience I can share.  I don't know how to make your life better by hacking it.

Hey internet, stop acting like you are doing the world a favor by reminding me that when things don't go the way I expect that it takes 13 hours to build a Toyota and 6 months to build a Rolls Royce.  Did you know Rolls Royce does not state anywhere on its site how long it takes to build one?  You have to have a consultation with somebody who actually thinks you are going to get one.  So the guy who submitted this one probably doesn't even have that Toyota, and is 4,000 miles overdue on an oil change for his Kia.

Duba's 6th Annual "Only When I Have A Blog or Other Available Forum Where I Can Riff" Ideal Superbowl Matchups

Well folks, it's that time of year again. Another year without wondering who the Eagles will play in the Superbowl.  Hell, another year wondering WHEN the Eagles can even sniff the playoffs again.  That is for a different day.  For now, we get some potential classic matches.

 

Oh, where have I been? Well, I have a 7 month old baby and an 8 year old that sometimes you just gotta devote yourself to.  But, I promised myself this wouldn't become a kids or baby blog.  So if you want to know about my kids, find me.

 

On second thought, don't come find me and then demand to know how my kids are, that would creep me out.

 

This year, the perennial favorites in the league, the teams that the league loves with all their balls started out slow.  The Detroit Lions, the butt of several jokes about NFL defenses, were tormenting all their opponents.  Except the Bills.  And the Patriots. And eventually the Packers.  In fact, the Packers started out very slow, to the point that Aaron Rodgers one-upped the local first grade spelling bee champ by telling everybody to "R-E-L-A-X."  Then he became Aaron Rodgers again, and his head got so big that he started laughing at teams that dare tried to stop him.

 

 

Andrew Luck and the Colts started 0-2.  The only reason they got to 1-2 was because they played the Jaguars.  Something seemed off.  T.Y. Hilton led the league in dropped passes.  Trent Richardson did his best impression of a female porn star at a blow bang.  Ahmad Bradshaw got hurt, and his season ended.  Coby Fleener and Dwayne Allen altered sucking and creaking with injuries.  Reggie Wayne became Reggie Lame.  Then, that lovable Andrew Luck started just taking care of business, all while surviving several attempts to cut his beard.

The Patriots started off being manhandled by the Dolphins.  They got taken to the limit by the jets (as always).  They got taken to the limit by Buffalo.  Kansas City romped them, and the quote from Tom Brady saying, "I'll retire when I suck," felt like it was actually time.  Then, Mr. Brady got excited about playing again, excited about his team and what the Patriots should have been.  Perhaps he was a little too excited.

 

The Seahawks, defending Superbowl champions, started strong against the Packers, but then they couldn't figure out how to use Percy Harvin.  They had several key players on defense get hurt.  Dallas, yes, DALLAS beat them at home.  Sure, the Seahawks were able to beat the Broncos at home, but barely, after they demolished the same team in a neutral site.  The defense eventually got all it's pieces back, but then Russel Wilson just got better and better.

I was very surprised and actually enjoyed watching the Colts dismantle the Broncos last week.  That was very impressive.  Do I think they have a shot? Well, that's not what we focus on at this point of the article.  Without further aduba, let's look at the ones I would most like to see:

 

 

1. Seahawks vs. Patriots: I know, half the country is sick of Tom Brady trying to rule the world with his smug face and sharp nipples.  The other half is possibly like me, can accept the fact that Tom Brady can play in another Superbowl.  I have accepted how his team has been over the years in the decade that has past since they won their last Superbowl, against my Eagles, followed by them being accused of cheating to all their wins in the past to that point.  The Seahawks have gone back to having the best defense in the NFL.  Tom Brady and Bill Belichek find constant ways to win, no matter who is in front of them.  They had a great game two years ago.  I kept Wilson on my fantasy bench for that matchup, where he lit up the Patriots for like 30+ points.  That game was the infamous "You mad bro?" game, which I do not understand the meaning of, except it had a lion-looking Richard Sherman screaming into Tom Brady's soul.

 

2.  Packers vs. Colts:  Two more evenly matched teams with quarterbacks known for atrocious facial hair.  This is the game you expect a running back to shine on each team, one amazing defensive player for each team, and 50+ camera shots of the other quarterback while they are on the sidelines.  This would be a wet dream for every analyst in the sporting world.  Rodgers getting a shot at more Superbowls than Favre.  The montage of Luck replacing a Superbowl winning quarterback and all-time franchise MVP.  Cancer.  Mustaches. Cliches. Douches.  Did you pronounces that "DOO-SHAYS"?  I hope so.  And then you realized I called everybody involved a bunch of douches.'

 

3.  Seahawks vs. Colts: This could be just like last year's Superbowl, but the intrigue of Luck and Wilson, drafted in the same round having a go of it.  Luck beat the soon to be champs last year, at Indianapolis, and I wonder if they could do it in Arizona as well.  It's almost like, let's just get Andrew Luck's Superbowl out of the way.  The worst part of this is one will be "new blood" talk, about what Wilson and Luck bring to the table to the league that older guard like Brady and even Rodgers now.  That would be annoying.  They would even analyze his beard in some stupid "all time beards" segment.

 

4.  Packers vs. Patriots:  The NFL almost crashed earlier this year when they played in the regular season.  It was described simply as "oh what a game."  I watched it.  Found it to be boring. I get the two generals that people already look at as "all timers" going at it should be "one for the ages."  Instead of being the Superbowl this could be the Superlative Bowl.

 

 

So, that's what I WANT to see, in that particular order.  Last year I got what I wanted.  The year before that, I got what I wanted.  So, let's sit down and think about what is going to be done.  I cannot help but think the Colts will hang in there better at the Patriots than they did last year.  After, it's the last game of the season, can't hold anything back.  Wait, last game of the season when there's still the Superbowl? Uh Yeah.  Patriots go on to play...................................................................................................................................................................................................................the Seattle Seahawks!  Aaron Rodgers and the Packers have fought back to just rick-roll teams the second half of the year.  At home they are undefeated, even with a gimped Aaron Rodgers.  The Seahawks can lose at home, but not since the second half of the year.  The Seahawks have enough great players in the secondary to half their pass rush gang tackle Rodgers all day.  I bet he can't even finish the game.  No second half heroics in this one.  Perhaps this game gets out of hand way too fast, despite the talent involved.

 

So there you have it, the Seahawks then go on to defeat the Patriots in the Superbowl, 24 to 17.

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Baby Review - Bowen Carl Duba

So none of my loyal readers guessed the right birth date of my youngest son. If you got it right, I would have your face plastered here and I would be lighting the fire to blow smoke up your ass. Since you all missed it, well, you are all awful people.

That said, last Thursday on 6/12, at 12 minutes to 6, my baby boy was born at 6 pounds 12 ounces. People tell me, "Whoa you should play the lottery." But why? What two number lottery is there? I could play Guess The Number with 6 and 12 as my answers but I may be very wrong.

Bo is the first person I have ever seen enter the world. Leading up to that moment was intense. My wife had the painful contractions that pained me to see her hurting. Well, I had watched several birthing shows with her and seen examples of how I wanted to be and what I hoped I would not become.

Before her epidural kicked in Kim followed my voice and instructions on breathing and all that jazz. I hate jazz. It's lame. Harry Connick Jr? More like Harry Connick Snorer. I digress. When the doctors could get the look of the baby in the womb, I noticed a change in the nurses' urgency. The doctor, Dr Shima, was cool and calm. They made my wife flip around only to reveal Bo had the cord wrapped around his neck. At this point they told us they would need to use the suction cup to get him out. In that situation you have no choice but to put it in the hands of the doctor.

So came four strong pushes and I slowly watched Bo enter the world. He looked like the perfect mash up of me and Rocco. I was denied the chance to cut the cord, but I can deal with that.

When Bo broke free I made a disgusting cry face. No tears were shed, and I may have just cried inside myself. They whisked Bo away to the cleaning table. They asked me to see the baby two times, but I wanted to wait to meet him with Kim. The third time I denied them again, but the Dr said, "I THINK YOU SHOULD COME SEE THE BABY." Whoa. I went and I learned his vocal chords didn't open. He couldn't take in air and he couldn't get the fluid out. I was upset. Kim was just about on her last emotion. I was visibly upset.

I had to move to the other side of the table to be out of the doctor's way. I came to the side that Bo had tilted his head to. He made a struggling whimper sound with his eyes closed. I started talking to him as if he was a man. I just coached his mom to breath right so I tried the same to him. His eyes slowly opened and the whimper got worse. They were supplying him with ambient air to open the chords. He looked at me face to face. Then the whimper began to die down to no sound. I watched my baby's belly rise and fall with every breath. The doctor slowly removed the mask and he continued to look at me.

I talked to him and told him how I waited for him my whole life and it was time to see his mother. The doctor said she couldn't believe how quick he turned around. I told her, "I'm freakin' awesome."

So our little guy was in our arms finally. He had a scare that put him in the NICU but he quickly recovered again with no signs of turning back now. So, let's review this baby, shall we?

Length: at 19 and three quarter inches, Bo fits snuggly in my forearm clutch. My forearm measures just over 15 inches in length. When you consider a baby curls himself up to maybe 11 or 12 inches, it is easy to hold his head in my forearm pit and cradle his butt with my hand. It is perfect for detecting that massive and forceful baby poops.

Weight: 6 pounds 12 ounces. If the baby was up to 30 pounds I think I could comfortably hold him. That is a great weight as I can confidently hand him over to people of all ages and strengths. That will equal more attention and more bonding time.

Looks: cross of Rocco and me, heavy on the me side. I was not part of Rocco's birth, but I saw his newborn pictures. When I saw Bo waltz his way out I saw most of my face with Rocco's mouth and eyes. It was cool.

Strength: very strong: Bo keeps his legs suspended in the air during all diaper changes. He tends to kick himself right in the jewels every time as well. He nearly does a pushup already when placed on his belly.

Hair: Plenty. And if he is to take after daddy, there will be plenty more. I was a little let down that he didn't have a unibrow but it is a good thing he didn't have a unibrow. I always felt like you could tell a person's expected balding pattern based on how they looked as a baby. He may take on the receding hair line in the future.

Manners: Polite for 23 out of 24 hours. He is great with company thus far and we hope to encourage that with him. He gets fussy but other than the first night home (which was mortifying) he has handled his new home and surroundings well. He has only spit up on me and his mom so we are keeping it close to the family.

Color: Pinkish white. Well that was when he was born. Now he is the blend of me and Kim. Everybody says he has prefect color. I think I would only have an issue if he was black. (That's just a joke, and not a racist statement) 

Fashion sense: Trending. That's the word Kim uses whenever she does something out of the ordinary or unexpected or standoutish. She certainly has tried to do the same to Rocco with his faux hawks and neon clothes and now the baby. His recent shirt said "I'm kind of a big deal" with a rainbow behind the letters on a blue shirt.

Name: strong, meaningful. We originally picked Jameson, but after a month of me talking to the belly and speaking with Jamey Kim didn't think it fit right. After all his brother is named Rocco. So she liked Bo. I liked it too but I said there was no way my son would only have 6 letters in his name and that Bo had to be short for something. So, we Googled the name and found long form names of Bo. I liked the name Bowen. When I clicked the name, I learned that the name was Irish and on this website only it translated to "son of the small victorious one."  Boom. Bowen. Carl, his middle name, is for my grandfather who was my childhood hero.

Nickname-ability: several. Bowie. Bobo (Kim hates this one, but I call him that when I need his attention). Bojangles (not our favorite). Boseph. Bochacho (I like using variations of using the word bro in common words). Unbolievable. Botastic. Bo-mbbastic. And my favorite, coined by Kim - Bowinkle.

Overall: he's a baby, you animals. Let me love my perfect son.

Random Thoughts, This time Actual Random Thoughts

First and foremost we are only one full week away from the expected spawn of Duba. There is a contest ongoing for the person who can guess the correct delivery date. Winner gets an entire blog post about them. Whether I really know you or not.

The Cleveland Show is one of the worst shows I ever saw. I am a staunch supporter of Family Guy and the character of Cleveland Brown, but it is too much. And no, this shouldn't be considered racism.

What's up with these flash horrible storms in the Philadelphia area. I know we are lucky to not live in Kansas that is a completely flattened state that has an expected amount of tornadoes per square mile yet everybody is shocked.

It is the day my baby is due, and I expect a life of chaos for the next couple years.

Thursday is Rocco's first playoff baseball game. He started out pretty pedestrian striking out every time and being of no help in the field. However a couple weeks ago something just clicked. He has been slugging the ball and getting it into the outfield on a regular basis. He can make big stops in the field but that's the extent of his baseball acumen.

I watched only two basketball games all year last year (okay parts of only two basketball games all year) and both were of game 6 and 7 of the the NBA Finals. The finals will be a repeat of last year. The Heat seemed to struggle during some times of the regular season when winning didn't matter that much but turn in on when needed. The Spurs seem like a team that hates how last year went down. But you gotta pick the returning champs to win it. I've said several times here - it is okay to root for greatness.

The fate of the world doesn't rely on you or me but rather what mother nature dictates. We could blow up the world 10 times over and the planet will be able to readapt and repopulate so that it could do it all again. But one day this planet will be sacked through the universe and be shat out the other side of a black hole.  The only thing you can really hope for is that nobody you know and nobody that they know have to experience it.

Why do people get surprised and angry when a 21 year old multimillionaire gets out to Vegas to party before he dedicates his entire life to football? Half of those people throwing stones probably would plan a massive free for all vacation should they ever be lucky enough to win that lottery.

Circling back the penultimate paragraph, I hate the sun. Not just because it will destroy the world one day in a violent matter, but it makes the world too damn hot.

Will the majority of teenagers still suck 20 years from now? I mean like will they still be whiny assholes?

When will Eli Manning become the second openly gay NFL Player?

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

At what age as an adult should you stop religiously watching pro wrestling? 

Okay, it took me about two weeks to write this.

Fin.

Mock Draft Du.Ba

Finally, after a long break from significant football, it is time for the NFL Draft. The time of year when yes even Jaguars fans get pumped up. Every year I like to make poor attempts at a mock draft and humor by figuring out who will go where. I have reviewed some helpful analyst mocks, but that's it. I really know very little else about college football, other than my alma mater Drexel had no team. So without further aduba, let us look at the 2014 NFL Draft's first round:

 

 

1. Texans: Jadaveon "The Maldavian" Clowney: Why would you trade #1 overall? If you want to reopen your window of opportunity, Jadaveon Clowney sounds like the kind of guy who can break it open. This guy should translate as well as Ndomukong Suh, but hopefully less stompy. I know they aren't the same position, but Suh was the only other defensive player I remember since I started watching football who was discussed this much.

 

 

2. Rams: Sammy "Clammy" Watkins: Remember how I said the Texans want to reopen the window of opportunity? Well, the Rams right now are staying in the hallway looking for that room with the open window. And seriously, when you become an adult, it is time to drop the "y" at the end of your name. I know too many people through my work who are older developers or personnel. Billy. Jimmy. Bobby, I even heard a Davey once. It is time to embrace adulthood, Samwick Watkins. Now, go on having fun becoming a man.

3. Jaguars: Mike "No rollin' sevens" Evans: They need help. Justin Blackmon may not play another snap in a Jaguars uniform, so they need a difference maker who can catch the ball. There will be plenty of good quarterback choices in the second round.

4. Browns: Johnny "Football de Americano" Manziel: I hate calling him Johnny anything. Brandon and I have a bet this year as to where Manziel will go. He bet me that Manziel would be drafted by the Cowboys. I thought no way he would make it halfway through the draft. But, to make it fair, I chose to gamble on the Browns. Maybe if this happens, he will pull an Eli and literally get his panties in a bunch inside his ass.

5. Raiders: "I already know three people named" Greg Robinson: Okay, boring player name. Pretty much most of these players have dull names. I'm not even all that impressed with Jadaveon, Ra'Shede, or Darqueze. Odell Beckham Junior is interesting because there is another one who is older and still thought this was a good name. Oh, so yeah Greg Robinson, who doubles as my company's AutoCADD guy, could help block for all 10 new running backs the Raiders have this year on the roster.

6. Falcons: Jake "The Snake" "Corey" Mathews: Don't they have a pretty shitty run game? Sure, they get run on, but they need to have an offense that allows them to run the ball and keep that atrocious defense off the field.

7. Buccaneers: Khalil "The Daddy" Mack "'ll Make You Jump Jump": Why not sure up the middle of the defense for years now that you dumped Darrel Revis?

8. Vikings: Blake "Beverly" Bortles: Remember the Beverly Brothers in the old WWF? They were some blonde dudes who claimed to be rich brothers. Blake and Beau Beverly had a move called the Shaker Heights Spike. They basically tossed a wrestler in the air while the other grabbed his face and spiked it into the mat. Fitting considering the face plants the Vikings have had at quarterback over the years.

9. Bills: Marqise "I before E except after C, U after Q unless you're Marqise" Lee: Name me a receiver on the Bills. Go ahead. They do already have a player named Marquise I think.

10. Lions: Taylor Lewan"aman": A "finesse left tackle" for a team that accentuates finesse on offense. Sunshine and Rainbows for the Lions.

11. Titans: Aaron "I'm looking for a lot of playing time since our offense won't be" Donald: I love people with two first names. Ol' Donny boy could help shore up a defense that my fantasy football opponent's running backs always played against.

12. Giants: C.J. Mosley "Looking forward to just playing football": The Giants, though I hate them, need a leader on defense. He could be that. But hopefully not.

13. Rams: "Bustin" Justin Gilbert: Sounds like a fat Garbage Pail Kids card. Another two namer. The Rams need another cornerback with the release of the controversial Cortland Finnegan and a normal name in that secondary to complement Janoris Jenkins.

14. Bears: Stephon "Urkel" Tuitt: Pronounced "Stef-onn" "Ur-kell", the team with one of the worst defenses last year needs to improve at the start with their line. The Bears were in playoff contention, so the offense needs little help.

15. Steelers: Anthony "I failed the" Barr "Exam and now want to play football": I like players who take all four years of college to get their education and hone their skills before entering the big show. Welcome another communications major to the Steelers!

16. Cowboys: Calvin "I wish I was chosen by the team" Pryor: A guy many Eagles fans have  mentined, but the Cowboys were near historically bad on defense last year. He is listed on NFL.com as the most violent hitter in the draft. Eagles fans want that, but they will be happy to blow past him on the path to many touchdowns this season.

17. Ravens: Zack "I spell my name the right way" Martin: The Ravens had shit for running last year, and a wife-beater at the helm. Yeah, Ray Rice struck a woman. We all only saw the aftermath of him dragging her body like a Law and Order: SVU villain. The blindside for the Ravens has not outlived the movie of its namesake so they need to improve.

18. Jets: Darqueze "It's a family name" Dennard: The Jets need somebody to fill the void of Antonio Cromartie and to make themselves looks smart for not resigning Revis. The offense will be built in the second round.

19. Dolphins: Carlos "I can't" Hyde: No, you can't hide from the major dysfunction of the Miami Dolphins. This team desperately needs a spark to make Snowflake not want to leave on his own rather than being kidnapped by Ray Finkle.

20. Cardinals: Derek "Don't judge me by my brother David" Carr: This guy is a rage of positivity. Carson Palmer is good for the Cardinals and all, but let's face it, Bruce Arians wants to build a team in his image. Short, stubby, and a hat only Prince could be fond of.

21. Packers: Eric "I'm glad I became a talked-about football player and not a nerd so that people didn't call me Egon" Ebron: Jermichael Finley probably shouldn't play again after he initially thought he couldn't two times last season. Get the best tight end you can at this point.

22. Eagles: "Oh Well" Odell Beckham Junior: This guy is the recent flavor of the week at wide receiver, and Eagles fans are buying it. I wrote "Oh Well" because people want defense, but that won't be the case.

23. Chiefs: Ryan Shazier "Than the Shaziest guy you know": Andy Reid drafting a linebacker??? That defense will be mute since their offensive line lost a lot of players, but maybe Dallas Reynolds is already on that team and can protect. Either way, their defense will need to stay stronger in all three phases to have a chance to repeat last year.

24. Bengals: Bradley "I can finally live in a house that isn't made of adobe" Roby: Thankfully most of the players this year have easy to rhyme names. Except Darqueze. The Bengals cannot afford to coast all year into the playoffs at the three seed and be ousted by a last day entrant again.

25. Chargers: Ha Ha "As said by Nelson in the Simpsons" Clinton Dix: The Chargers can be passed on, and that's why they aren't ever really taken seriously in the middle of the season. What is this guy's first name? His name is more like a scandal from the Bill Clinton administration.

26. Browns: Kelvin "Ben Jammin'" Benjamin: This guy will complement Josh "One more wrong move and I'm hanging with Justin Blackmon" Gordon. Gordon, despite several different quarterbacks, was second in receiving, and only because he missed the first two games. This could help the running game as well.

27. Saints: Kyle "My Glass is" Fuller "Than Yours": The Saints' secondary needs to get younger after releasing veterans and to complement a just-hitting his prime Jairus Byrd and the young Kenny Vaccaro.

28. Panthers: Brandin "Kiss the" Cooks: He should automatically become the number one receiver as he beats out Tiqwan Underwood and Jason Avant and Cam Newton's Sister for that spot.

29. Patriots: Demarcus "Translates to Of the Marcus" Lawrence: The Patriots need to have Peyton Manning stop passing on them when the season is on the line. So go for it.

30. 49ers: Ra"postrophe"Shede Hageman: Never have I inserted a nickname mid name before. But I also started this after the D'Brickashaw Ferguson draft. I feel the 49ers will fall apart this year, so they need to reestablish a defensive identity.

31. Broncos: Xavier "Punctuation marks" Su'a-filo: NFL.com has his name all capitalized, so I don't know where certain words begin or end. Other variations of his nickname would've included Su'a-filo "Walks into a bar...". That's all I got. I am rushing through this now as I have to pee and work is about to start.

32. Seahawks: Donte "Cristo" Nocrief: Why not? Put as many odd weapons out on the field for Russel Wilson to run all around and find open deep.

That does it. I have to pee. Enjoy the draft and follow my twitter stream @thegreatjimduba for my thoughts as the draft proceeds.

Random Thoughts

I was speaking with one of my old bosses the other day. He actually brought up my blog and said he would check it out some time. I told him though that with my new job, I have not frequently updated my blog as much as an author of my caliber should. I realize that I had so much downtime that I could focus literally all my creativity and energy into a one hour creative session and I was pumping out pure gold. In fact, I had waited until I went to work to write about stuff I did on the weekend! I spent my last three days in that office literally predicting every single NFL game all the way through the Super Bowl. I planned on following that and updating what happened compared to what I predicted. I still intend to finish that, but it probably won't be this month. I figured I would take this time to go about letting you all know what I have thought about when I'm sitting by myself driving to the office.

 

So an NBA team owner is racist. Apparently it has been noted that historically he has shown major race bias plus the NAACP took donations. First of all, the NAACP is a joke. Check out theire mission:

 

The mission of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is to ensure the political, educational, social, and economic equality of rights of all persons and to eliminate race-based discrimination.

 

Vision StatementThe vision of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is to ensure a society in which all individuals have equal rights without discrimination based on race.

ObjectivesThe following statement of objectives is found on the first page of the NAACP Constitution - the principal objectives of the Association shall be:

• To ensure the political, educational, social, and economic equality of all citizens

• To achieve equality of rights and eliminate race prejudice among the citizens of the United States

• To remove all barriers of racial discrimination through democratic processes

• To seek enactment and enforcement of federal, state, and local laws securing civil rights

• To inform the public of the adverse effects of racial discrimination and to seek its elimination

• To educate persons as to their constitutional rights and to take all lawful action to secure the exercise thereof, and to take any other lawful action in furtherance of these objectives, consistent with the NAACP's Articles of Incorporation and this Constitution.



 

How can you be about equal rights for all people, when your organization's title uses the word colored? My grandfather was my hero, but he used the word colored to describe a black person. He didn't do it in a derogatory way, but as I got older I felt less comfortable hearing it. It was just how he was. But unlike the excuses that other people might use to pawn off hatred in their heart once they get caught expressing it, I was thankfully able to figure out it was wrong. He wasn't wrong for his use of the word "coloreds" in my opinion, but I would be to bring its use into my verbal repertoire. That said, a group suggesting they are about advancement of colored people, sets off literally a quarter dozen questions in my head.

 

As a group, it seems like you are declaring "colored people" are not as far along as normal people. Just the fact you use the term colored is wrong. If you mean minorities in America, than say that. If the group wants to end racial discrimination and educate people for ALL races, then didn't they call out yellow Asians, I guess red Hispanics, and of course the original red man, the Native American in their title?

 

The NAACP does support marriage equality, but that's how they call it, marriage equality. The term makes sense, but they put their own spin on it relating to interracial marriage. Racial. Race. It's all a stupid bunch of words. Do you want to know how to advance your race? Stop relying on those elders amongst your group who lived through major hardships to build your plight against yourself.

 

Now, that is easier said than done. But when you grow up, you still need to know right over wrong. Just because you are raised in a shitty neighborhood doesn't mean you get to throw the rule book out the window. And for some reason, the kids today look at those celebrities who came from that bad way of life, and choose to mimic where they came from than who they are today. Sure, athletes and gangsta rappers may or may not be approved role models for your kids, but they should be more of an inspiration for what they overcame. I saw some kids who voluntarily chose to look like they lived that kind of life. No you didn't. Just because your neighborhood has one flood every two years does not mean you are from the ghetto and people not in your race are horrible people.

 

There is trash of all kind on this planet - white, black, brown, red, and so on. More proof that all people are created equal. You want to have race equality, stop calling each other a race. Is there a different race of pure-bread German Shepherds? Why are humans discriminatory from the start by noticing color? One day at football practice earlier this year, Rocco had a problem with one of his teammates. I asked him who did what to him. He described it, but I couldn't tell who he was talking about, but then he said it was the black kid. Whoa. I tried to nip that shit in the bud right there. I made him stay quiet about it until we got in the car.

 

I didn't yell at him, but I told him how you can't describe somebody by the color of their skin, because there are a lot people who look like that, or like me, or like the ninjas he saw on TV. If you know the person better, you can tell me a better set of details on who he is than just what his color looked like. And the same thing goes from describing a person as tall or short or fat. At first, how about you know the other person's name? That's a start.

 

All that being said, how could a man who owns a team in a sport celebrated among the black community say that the race's stereotype is true? And that minorities are bad? To his half black half Hispanic or Asian mistress (not his wife) who is like 50 years old.

 

Minorities should be outraged, but just consider the source.

 

 

 

 

I have a strong feeling that people like him are a dying breed. 

Bald Eagle Sighting Review

 

It is no secret what so ever that my favorite thing other than my family are the Philadelphia Eagles. Now, this isn't a post about how football, but there was and undertoner in there. (since I saw the movie Pitch Perfect I like using toner in a derogatory way.) BUT I was wearing my black (now green from years of sweat and mud)‎ Eagles hat with the giant bird of prey across my brow. 

So, with a holiday weekend planned and Kim spending the morning beautifying herself, Ronco and I went on a fishing excursion in the Chester Creek. Normally this is reserved for a Sunday, but there would be no way he would've made it past the Easter basket. First thing I needed, though, we're waders. I always thought the basketball player Dwayne Wade could have branded his own set of Dwayne Waders, but that's another idea for another time. Although the ones I purchased would've fit him better than me. Let's just say I left a lot of room in the crotch. 

So, we get a call from Kim on her way to wherever ladies go that people are standing in the stream of the Ridley Creek. I always wanted to try there. We pulled up and ran to the bridge to see the water. Old Man River was there, only ankle high in water, saying it wasn't so good today. He may have seen an over eager 7 year old and wanted us out of there, so I decided we should go to the spot I know at the Chester Creek. The last time I went there, I saw a dude wading in the water catching a fish every cast. We pulled into the empty gravel lot and and walked down a trail. There weren't many people at all, and some anglers hd come out saying they were just biting but not getting hooked. I wanted to call that guy a fucker for feeding all the fish and making them not hungry for my delicious worm. 

 

So we get wadered up and approach a steep slop. We got the lines ready and then I decide to trek into the water. It was odd. There weren't rocks. There was concrete and jagged edges. Luckily, my Dwayne Waders were big enough to let me walk away from these edges. Rocco can be left alone on the banks at this time, he understands, for the most part, what he needs to do and generally is patient with resolving his fishing line issues.

 

That being said, Rocco unfortunately cast over the only branch in the area. Honestly, he wouldn't hate gotten on the branch if it WASN'T a good cast. I wasn't mad, but of course his first course of action is to just pull full force. That would make the line snap back at my or his face. That's usually the only problem he has, so I may have to yell at him to just wait and watch how I free it up. At this point, I tell him to hand me his rod. Instead, he starts walking towards me. Along the steep embankment. I continue to get louder about him staying put and handing me the rod, but then he starts to slip. He is heading right for the jagged junk at the bottom of where I was standing. I throw my warm out to keep him from the rebar and broken rocks, and he landed in the water. This of course meant I landed somewhere else, somewhere deeper. Fortunately, Rocco was alright. Unfortunately (but ultimately less important) my Dwayne Waders were filled with water, which meant I was wetter than a sweaty NBA player with 40 minutes left in a game. The contents of all my cargo pockets were soaked. Including my cell phone.

 

I toss Rocco back on to the bank and climb out myself. He insists we go home, but this was literally 30 minutes into our fishing excursion. I reason with him and we conclude we are both warm, but we walk up to the car just relax, and I can open up my phone to dry it out. Suddenly, I look over and realize that a bald freakin' eagle is sitting maybe 50 feet from us. Almost as soon as I point and ask Rocco if that is what I think it is, it starts to fly. It must have flapped like 4 times to get overhead. It was beauteous.

 

I fumbled for my phone, but had to undo the Otter Box case. Otter box. This case has protected my phone more than I ever thought it could. Although you would think that otters are water based mammals, and a case in their name sake would be water proof. It was more like a Box Turtle. The phone withstood most of the water, but just enough water got in it that I thought my beautiful phone was ruined. I tried to take a picture, and the odd blue sky picture is what I was able to capture.

 

I really wanted that picture. Rocco was not that impressed. After all, he has "seen them in the zoo it's just a bald eagle." Oh. Okay. I thought about telling him the truth about Santa. I thought about telling him WHY he is having a brother. I wanted to ask him if I could see how far I could throw his most prized possession across the Grand Canyon. I let the father in me pull through though and told him how rare it is to see one in the wild. At least for me. I'm 34 and never saw one. My friends and I thought we did, but I know I did on this day. I know if I was his age I wouldn't think it was a big deal. I've been in castles thousands of years old and don't remember one single thing.

 

But at some point in this quick flash as the eagle ascended, I realized, "Oh no. Oh Hell no. What if he sees the Eagle on my Eagles hat?" Would this thing possibly come to mate with my head? I would have to explain to Rocco about the birds and the bees, and not the birds and the Duba. Or worse, what if this gigantic bird of prey picked up my boy and carried him away to baby bird his eaglets. Or hers. Can't tell. No good shot of the bird or the birdgina.

 

 

 

 

 

The eagle went up, and circled the sky, still ascending while increasing the circle radius. We were up on the bank by this point watching it soar. I looked around me, and people had pulled over into the parking lot. They were looking up snapping pictures. Some dude must have been in the middle of a Big Year (pretty entertaining movie about bird watching) and had like an NFL Films type camera.

 

All in all, I love seeing animals in the wild. There are other stories I have like a mountain lion stalking me and my friend outside a latrine in New Mexico, a bear walking through our campsite when we chose to not sleep in tents but rather on tarps on the ground, or when a puma escaped from the Cape May Zoo and I found it in the woods. These events are rare. I just hope one day Rocco appreciates this thing if he is lucky to see this with his children one day, too.

FAT Tuesday Preview

Other than opening weekend of the NFL, Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, Christmas, ultrasound's of my future son, any event with my current son, quiet moments with Kim, epic days with my friends, moving day, fantasy football draft day, the impending birthdate for my son, the day Game of Thrones resumes, sporting games/practices for Rocco, and Saturdays, the Tuesday that opens up NFL Free Agency is my favorite day of the year.  It is the longest running traditional column I have on my blog. See how right or most likely wrong I was in the past: 2012 and 2013.

Yeah, I know FAT stands for Free Agent Tuesday, and I essentially declare it Free Agent Tuesday Tuesday. We here at The Great Jim Duba don't care.
 

Last year was kind of dismal for free agent talent, and I only really got one of the non-obvious choices right. It's tough to predict, and last year I tried to look at a positions breakdown. I will go with the NFL's supposed list of the top 101 free agents and get the top few from each major position group.

QBs

Michael Vick: The pride of the Virginia prison system has done all he can in Philadelphia. I honestly enjoyed his time there, but much like I had to do with my butt doctor, it's time to break up. Rumor has it the Bills are interested along with possible landing spots in Oakland, Jets, and Texans. Okay, Texans are a no, and so are the Bills. He will not be a bandaid, but rather a bridge to the next guy. New York Jets, welcome to the circus.

Josh McCown: Dude is old and has proved that keeping a quality backup healthy is key to a team's continued success. He combined with Jay Cutler last year to be the third best fantasy quarterback in all the NFL. He can't expect much, but perhaps be the backup at a team that may be going somewhere. Know where he should go to ride into the sunset? Green Bay. Otherwise, perhaps a team in the AFC South can use him as a backup. Any one of them.

Josh Freeman: The single worst game I've ever watched in all my years of football involved the Freeman led Vikings vs the Giants this past year on Monday Night Football. He had a concussion, and the integrity of the entire Vikings team was questioned. I think if he gets a fresh start, he could be quite a player. Perhaps he's the type of player the Houston Texans can use. He's still young enough. He's still got a modicum of skills. He again could go to a team like Houston or Tennessee.

Matt Flynn: He is better served to stick with what brought him to the dance. Just stay the course and enjoy the ride in Green Bay. Spare us the debate and flashback to 2010.

RBs

LeGarrette Blount: So this guy punched his way to getting an overblown contract somewhere. He probably wants starter money, but is better served to be a backup. Just going on a limb, but I can point him to the welcome mat in Cleveland. Other options could be in Arizona to be the pounder that Andre Ellington won't be.

Ahmad Bradshaw: Just give it up man. You already had the gayest game winning touchdown in a Super Bowl ever. You risk serious injury every year. Please, you are a great tough running back, please take the lead of Rashard Mendenhall. He's not coming back.

Andre Brown: He could be the starter in New York. He could stay there and be the bridge to the next back the Giants integrate. He could go on to a backup elsewhere though. I think he should stay in New York.

Maurice Jones-Drew: MJD wanted for years to be paid more by Jacksonville. His wish has led to him most likely getting a pittance. He could have a Reggie Bush resurgence, so he needs to go to a place that would mix him in enough. New England, Miami, Giants, Carolina, Atlanta could be good spots. Perhaps the Saints have something up their sleeves. But keep those teams in mind.

Chris Johnson: They been trying to trade him, but to no avail. He will let his once amazingly promising career go into the fog. Cleveland, Atlanta, Washington, and Oakland could use a cheeky player like him.

Ben Tate: The obvious choice has been for him to go to Cleveland. I honestly have a worry that he goes to the Giants and can begin a rather good run, no pun intended. He unfortunately didn't have the year he was hoping to have in a contract year, but his whole team blew. I bet he is the first big name guy taken tomorrow.

Darren Sproles: Wow, where does he go now? He really hasn't proven himself over the past two years. Somebody who wants to use him as a third down back and not as a receiver could probably get more use out of him. That could include Houston, Denver. Either way, he's one of those guys people would be wanting on his team, but disappointed at the outcome. He may be the 2014 version of the 2011 Ronnie Brown.

WRs

Jason Avant: He will land somewhere and be productive/a contributor. I just threw him in here because he's my favorite Eagle behind Brian Dawkins and Correll Buckholder. Best of luck, Jason Avant.

 

Kenny Britt: He got arrested 8 times in 18 months. Suspended four games. He has so many bridges burnt to the ground. I love his talent, so hopefully he lands in a spot to showcase his worth. Detroit? Cleveland, New England, Jets, Bills, Washington could all use a receiver of his talent, and Britt could use a fresh start.

Eric Decker: The speculation he goes to the Colts to be the next big thing. I've heard and read him as being one of the guys who will be paid too much and do too little. Debated whether or not he was a good signing. He should go to the Colts, or any other dome team. That's why I can see Decker sneaking onto a team like the Texans

Julian Edelman: A guy who may only be good in the system that made us know his name. I can see some craziness like the Eagles trading Desean and Edelman becoming an Eagle. Or, a team like Detroit and San Diego can use him, and the dash and dash splash of Edelman and Danny Woodhead can thrive. And get halved.

Hakeem Nicks: The consensus is Carolina. But if they want to give up on Steve Smith, why would they take Nicks? Seattle could use him if they lose Sidney Rice and Golden Tate. He won't be asked to do much, and neither was Tate. There you go.

Dexter McCluster: I once had a fantasy team named "The McClusterfucks." Meh. He is whatever. I don't really care. The dude had the chance to make some talent, and he could be gobbled up by a team like New Orleans or Tampa. Even Carolina could use a guy like him, just to be different.

TEs

Scott Chandler: Yeah where's he going. Buffalo would be stupid to let him go. He'll back for two more years in a Bills uniform.

Ed Dickson: He needs to perhaps go somewhere under the radar. Much like he is. I can't really figure out where he could or should go. The Ravens don't need him any more. Does he block? I don't know. He's okay talent at best. Maybe he goes to Miami to fill in for Dustin Keller. Yeah. Why not. Have fun in the sun, with a team that just can't win.

Jermichael Finley: Another guy who should heed the doctor's warning. He had such a cringe-inducing year. His injuries were scary to watch, and if you are human, you felt awful watching him. The more I think about Finley, I believe he needs to follow the Rashard Mendenhall approach. That guy may have just about had it right. That said, he will go somewhere like the Jets or Bills where they will need his skill level at a low cost.

Jimmy Graham: He's franchised, but some teams would possibly desire him enough to give up the proper picks needed to make their team instantly better. He needs to go elsewhere, cause another storm is brewing in New Orleans that will only affect 53 people. I think he stays, but he'd be better off going elsewhere.

OLine

Branden Albert: Now I'm not getting too particular because I don't know enough, but some teams need O-line help, like the Falcons, Dolphins, Colts.

Michael Oher: The Blindside star is now a run of the mill guy, but he could probably go to one of those teams or a team with an established line and be a depth player. Maybe Denver could use his services.

Guy Whimper: I know nothing about him, except his name caught my eye. Guy Whimper. Sounds like a player eligible to play on the Cowboys.

Defense

Jared Allen (DE): A guy who wears the number 69 because he was probably that cool kid in high school who got to pick his number first. Tail end of career, could pump some life and leadership into a defense needing that extra cog. He should go to a team that could use him wisely and preserve him. The Jaguars, Titans, Cardinals, Patriots, Broncos could use a guy like him.

Lamarr Houston (DE): Don't know much about him except hearing analysts say, "How will offensive player X handle Lamar Houston?" Same consequences for Jared Allen, but much younger. I'll take him in Philadelphia, but I don't think that's his style defense. He should go get in the mix in Kansas City as their main players spent too much time in the trainer room.

John Beason (ILB): A guy who made the Giants defense much better last year. He will go to a team that promises him the moon. Brandon Spikes is out in New England, perhaps that's his landing spot.

Karlos Dansby: I don't know. Maybe stick with the Cardinals?

London Fletcher: He belongs in Washington if he wants to be known as the guy of utmost integrity. I hate the Redskins, but have no problem with London Fletcher. Why did I include defensive players?

Brandon Spikes: Yeah I really don't know what more to do say or write about now. He seemingly had some kind of falling out with the Patriots. Maybe go to a team that needs help stopping the run while also rebuilding. Maybe the Titans.

Champ Bailey (CB): Maybe he goes full circle and comes back to Washington. They don't have that first pick in the draft and can get him cheap to be a senior presence in a secondary that blows.

Antonio Cromartie: A bad year can mean the end of your career in the NFL. Belichek hates Rex Ryan, so don't put it past him to pick up Cromartie. Otherwise, Cleveland, Denver, Chicago, Miami, or the Colts could use his services.

Vontae Davis: He's that bug-eyed guy who needed to call his Grandma in Hard Knocks two years ago. I don't care where he goes.

Captain Munnerlyn: Don't know much about him except he held Rob Gronkowski when the Panthers beat the Patriots on Monday Night Football. Whatever, wherever.

Asante Samuel: Brandon always said he looks like a drag queen. To Wong Fu, go fist yourself.

Alterraun Verner: He is one of the reasons the Titans secondary wasn't half bad. He can go to a middling or worse team, maybe one of those teams missing another piece to be a more dominant defense. Maybe Carolina, Rams, or the Lions.

Antoine Bethea (S): He's old, right? I don't know. Maybe he will go to somewhere I don't care about.

Jairus Byrd: The prize safety. I hope the Eagles get him. Although then every idiot who calls into sports radio would continue to call him Jarius. It's Jairus. I hope he is the start of something great. I feel they will screw it up, and Byrd will fly away to more championship ready teams like Denver. He will be going more for wins and little money than being rich and on a sucky team.

James Ihedigbo: Isn't like Chris Kluwe? He wrote to a senator about gay rights, and was asked to stop. He is an okay player, and could be a bridge or bandaid player.

T.J. Ward: The runner up to the Jairus Byrd contest. Just stay in Cleveland, dude. Your defense kept you in games.

Donte Whitner. Hitner! Supposedly the Niners want to keep him there. I would take him, but he isn't getting younger.

Special Guys

Devin Hester: I will never forget the first play of the Super Bowl he was in and took the first one all the way. I would love him on the Eagles, especially if it is true Desean Jackson may be traded. the Bills could use him to since they will be losing Byrd.

Phil Dawson (K): He replaced Akers, and I'm sure he's not the reason why they lost the NFC title game. He should stay. If he leaves, that opens the door for Billy "I suck the life out of life" Cundiff.

Adam Vinatieri (K): Just stay the course man. You get 10 games in a dome next year. Every kicker's dream.

Steven Hauschka (K): Don't take a lot of money. Just stay. You're on the Super Bowl Championship winning team. Why leave? They didn't win because of you or in spite of you.

Donnie Jones (P): I just hope the Eagles keep him. He was the best punter since Sav Rocca.

Sav Rocca (P): Please come back to the Eagles.

Whew. That was long. I'm all fagged out.

Best of luck, Jason Avant. Thanks for the memories.