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Jan 16, 2013

Flipping the Bird: Digesting the Hiring of Charles "Chip" Kelly




Well folks, it has been official for just a little over two hours now. Chip Kelly has been selected as the next coach for the Philadelphia Eagles. If you don't know who he is, he is the hottest coaching prospect since, uh, well, I don't know who else has been the hottest coaching prosepct. Regardless, he had a 42-7 record at Oregon, coached one of our beloved Eagles, Casey Mathews, in college, and has been consulted by the Patriots and Saints incorporating elements of his offense into their respective potent attacks. 

Charles "Chip" Kelly I am sure is nothing like the buffoon Sir Chris Farley portrayed in "Tommy Boy." However, I only knew one other guy in this world whose name was Chip. He was the athletic trainer in my high school who always thought the best solution to your ailment was to tape the groin. He is 49 years of age, and has had several coaching positions throughout his career covering both sides of the game. He started as a defensive and special teams coach, bounced around to linebackers, running backs, offensive line, offensive coordinator, and ultimately to the record setting head coach for Oregon. I do not follow college football as it bores me to tears. Like literally I would rather have a doctor tug on an anal wire or step on a baby than watch a college football game. I even tried watching the Fiesta Bowl to see what Kelly's team was all about. I ended up flicking myself in the eyeball repeatedly as I just didn't care.

That said, I am sure he will be a fine coach. I am a little worried that he interviewed with the Eagles and Browns, and he declined. I read in several articles he likes player personnel control, which he has as a college coach. The Eagles brought in numerous coaches, I have heard upwards to 14 total coaching auditions ranging from college coaches to fired head coaches to commentators. We even heard Gus Bradley from the Seahawks was flown in personally by Jeff Lurie for a second interview, only to leave town on the next flight to Jacksonville. Maybe it was like a "Yeah okay Gus why don't you go see what's going on down in Jacksonville and we will talk to you around 1 today." Either way, in the interim, and probably by the time Gus Bradley met the fine folks in Jacksonville, the rumor broke Kelly was in.

So, there was instant debate on the radio whether Kelly was good or bad, and only really time will tell. I know one thing is for sure, the guy sure does have some energetic motions on the field...



Apparently, when the man's index fingers go up, so does his tongue.


Check that, only when his right index finger is up.

Despite his anatomical anomalies, Chip Kelly runs one of the fastest offenses in college football. His teams that he has been a part of have broken school, conference, or division records for offense and they have finished in I believe the top 5. Even took second place in the national championship game a couple years back. That may not be a great consolation to Eagles fans, but in my opinion to have that much success at a level where there are literally hundreds of programs and thousands of players, he excelled. So, the word on the street is that a quarterback in his offensive scheme takes a lot of punishment, which is something our quarterbacks currently deal with already. It is a perfect fit.

So the question now is who stays with the Eagles? I wonder if Marty Morhenwig cut off the top of his Eagles hat to make it look like a visor? I hope he is gone. The whole team needs a reboot. Batman rebooted itself and it was awesome. Chip Kelly ran the ball the most out of all college coaches, a rarity (or so I am told) at the college level. People in Philadelphia have been dying for years for Lesean McCoy to be unleashed, and now also with perhaps a two-headed attack of Bryce Brown and McCoy. People call in to the radio and say that they need a running quarterback to work a Chip Kelly system. Really? Is Tom Brady a running quarterback? No, he is just really good. Most of the people who call in are jealous of the excitement that a player like Colin K-somethingorother, Cam Newton, RG3, or Russel Wilson generates while we have ol' man brittle Mike Vick. Face it - the Eagles must rebuild. Maybe Nick Foles is the answer, maybe not. Time will tell. We won't be as lucky as we were when McNabb was great off the bat. I believe in Nick Foles, but he needs work and experience. It also didn't help that he came in to a team that had no hope. He can either be the next Tom Brady or the next Brady Quinn. 

If the entire scheme of offensive attack changes, are our players smart enough to handle the change? The offensive line will return to full strength next year, but they must stay that way. They all seemed to come together to look like something special in 2011, but that faltered when Jason Peters fell like a huge domino (twice) to dismantle the line, one by one. If the plan calls for DeSean Jackson to run across the middle, we may be looking at Jeremy Maclin as the #1 receiver. 

On defense, where do we start? At least Chip Kelly got his coaching start as a safeties coach. Whew. Hopefully he can help select a quality coordinator or find a way to get the most out of and for Tod Boles. Maybe Boles isn't the problem and perhaps there just needs to be a stronger set of players in the secondary. I could maybe be okay with him still there if the positional coaches are alright. There has to be some stability. Although perhaps a total restructuring of everybody may take place and it may be 2.5 to 3 years before we as fans feel any success.

The short term progress of this hiring will most likely be teams getting caught off guard by the "blur" offense of Chip Kelly and maybe get some cheap wins as the team rebuilds. Cheap or not, wins are wins. It is possible for them to finish 0.500. I am sure the fans will be fanatical for the team next year and the new blood. 

One other thing apparent to me about Chip Kelly is that he is a terrible whisperer...





No matter what, as an Eagles fan I am lucky to get to witness a new era. An era where hopefully the next coming of players like Westbrook, Staley, Dawkins, Trotter, "Huuuuuuugh", and other city-made legends will be born. Maybe Jason Avant becomes the greatest 4th down receiver in NFL history. Maybe Bryce Brown/Lesean McCoy become the the awesome version of CJ Spiller and Fred Jackson. Maybe DRC gets fired up with Demeco Ryans and Mychal Kendricks to rally the defense into the hardnosed unit Philadelphians expect. Who really knows?

All I know is, I never really cared who was hired as the coach, as I dread the lows and false highs of the rebuilding years. Hopefully we aren't the next Lions. Or Jaguars. Or Browns. Now that a coach has been named, it is time to anticipate the underlings, the firings, the draft, the preseason games. It is time to anticipate change and the next era of the Philadelphia Eagles.

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