Duba Live Blogs the NFL Draft!

REFRESH OFTEN, YOU UNFRESH EUROPEANS!!!! It is once again time for American sports to show Supremacy

Get'cha popcorn ready

                                        - Terrell Owens

That's right folks. We are just 4.5 hours away from the first round of the NFL Draft 2012! The wait is finally over and we get to see what new offensive lineman the Eagles will pick this year. Hopefully not the case, but only time will tell. I did a mock draft at Predict the Pick and am vying for my chance to win a trip to the Superbowl. Admittedly, I know barely anything about the NFL apparently and even less about the incoming draftees. However, I tried my best at the draft order as it stands now. I will list it below, then offer up my live draft thoughts starting at 8:00 p.m., EST. Won't you join me?!

Below is the current draft order with all my picks in bold. I will try to update my blog/picks which you will be able to follow in regular old italic type.

LIVE BLOG:
7:11-Just learned the Browns flopped with Vikings for their 4th Overall and their 3rd rounder. Justin Blackmon, you better do something really stupid in the Browns' eyes within the next 45 minutes. Actually, I think my first four picks are still safe. 


7:20: Correction, Fourth overall, a fourth fifth and seventh rounder I believe? Way to Redskin it up, Cleveland. 


7:49: Deion Sanders was just acting as an on-stage correspondent. Please check out his first ever hosting duty.

8:00: It Begins! Who's with me???

First Round

1. Colts - Andrew "Just My" Luck

Live Blog - Alright...this whole build-up introduction is already too long. We could have had the first three picks done by now. Wow. Goodell is not liked at ALL. I really don't get this on the phone BS right now. Did they seriously just have to decide? Couldn't Jim Irsay just be standing right off the stage? 


And just like that, 1 out of 1 correct. Duba rules. 


And RG3 chants during Andrew Luck's biggest moment. Don't worry Washington, you'll get your 10 minutes of glory

2. Redskins - Robert Griffin "The" III

Live Blog - I think if the NFL hadn't tried to play up some kind of thought struggle for the Colts to choose between Luck and RG3 and pollute their broadcasts with it, both QBs would have had great ovations. 


Hey RG3, meet Trent Cole and his good friend Jason Babin. Go away Cullen Jenkins, you can't split a quarterback sack 3 ways!

3. Vikings - Justin "Anybody but the Browns" Blackmon

Live Blog - Well hopefully the trade doesn't screw up my picks. Technically, Baby Daddy Trent Richardson was still picked by the Browns. Duba - 3 for 3

4. Browns - Trent "Well I'm F*cked" Richardson

Live Blog - And now is where I lose. Leslie Frazier put down this position and then spends the 4th overall on it? Oh well 3 for 4

5. Buccaneers - Matt "Stupid Vikings Don't Like Left Tackles" Kalil

Live Blog -Pandemonium. Jacksonville got the pick and went with Blackmon. Again, I know very little about the draft. And the worst part is, DALLAS is next!

6. Rams - Morris "Elizabeth" Claiborne

Live Blog - Best part of the Cowboys' selection is the "Cowboys suck" chant. Morris Claiborne, I wish you had a choice. I guess getting three right while not knowing shit about college players

7. Jaguars - Riley "Call Me Ri-Re" Reiff

Live Blog - Wow. Mark Barron. I thought we might see you this year, just not while playing AGAINST the Eagles. Too many trades for me to know anything now that's going on

8. Dolphins - Ryan "Odd Man Out/Cheese Touch" Tannehill

Live Blog - The realization here right now - the Rams will have a series of mid-range players for the next couple years


CHEESE TOUCH Tannehill. Also, did anybody else just hear the "What?!" chant? 


The crowd sucks. This kid hasn't done one thing on the field and gets his ass chewed out by New Yorkers beause they know this guy will be better than Mark Sanchez

9. Panthers - Michael "Meat" Brockers

Live Blog - Ugh. Luke the Kook. This draft has had quite a few surprises. I don't know SHIT about Crap. 

10. Bills - Luke "Kook" Kuechly

Live Blog - I guess since Kuechly was my number 9 overall, I wasn't too far off. However I did not anticipate so many defensive backs coming out. 

11. Chiefs - Melvin "Elfen" Ingram

Live Blog - Oh no Poe. I wanted him. Here are the Eagles. The Eagles need Cox. Next round, Balls. 

12. Seahawks - Quinton "Missing a 'u'" Coples

Live Blog - Why wouldn't the Eagles trade that Asante Samuel fella for a higher draft pick, and then perhaps they couldve moved up elsewhere. Them giving up 2 extra picks in the rounds that Andy typically loves, it is a move of panic that the Eagles moved up just three spots. Did I say panic? I meant "all in". 


Let's add some more black cox to the eagles!

13. Cardinals - Mark "The Red" Barron

Live Blog - Wow really good pickup for the Cardinals. Michael Floyd, you better listen to everything Larry Fitzgerald says to you. You could be the Cardinals' next Anquan Boldin. And that is a good thing. I will be rooting for this kid. 

14. Cowboys - David "Of Dictator" DeCastro

Live Blog - And the Rams finally picked. And I already forgot who they picked. 

15. Eagles - Dontari "I cannot Believe John Cusak Is Going to be Edgar Allen" Poe

Live Blog - And the Seahawks get Bruce Irvin, who looks like an evil rooster. Mike Mayock, when he isn't all lispy, is pretty good at selling draft prospects strengths and weaknesses.


Anybody else see that Giants fan in the Manning jersey dancing in front of the Jets fans?? That was almost as good as the random cigarette smoking guy walking around the Superbowl earlier this year with his mullet out.

16. Jets - Michael "Michael BoBicycle" Floyd

Live Blog - Wow Jets fans, nothing...NOTHING would have made you happy there even if they drafted a giant set of boobs.

17. Bengals - Janoris "Who Named Me" Jenkins

Live Blog - You forgot about Dre? How dare you! I think that the experienced guy plus Dre Kirkpatrick and what I can assume will be another defensive player, the Bengals can make a little bigger splash than last year. 


How much longer until Mike Mayock felatiates somebody?

18. Chargers - Fletcher "Gap Penetrating" Cox

Live Blog - What the Hell did Deion and Dre just say to each other? I bet chargers go offense, since we stole their Cox


Melvin Ingram...I could have enjoyed him as an Eagle I guess the Eagles know better than I. 


Watching Roger Goodell do the black man handshake was awkward. Ingram, when you get fined thousands of dollars, be sure to give him that handshake when you hand over the check because you beened Kevin Boss in the cranium. 

19. Bears - Courtney "What's" Upshaw

Live Blog - Shea McClellin...looks like a weaker cousin of Brian Urlacher. Honestly, he looks like a two year project. 

20. Titans - Kendall "Not Wendall" Wright

Live Blog - 


Looks like the Patriots just realized that they are missing out on all the defensive players


You know, these commercial breaks for this spectacle of a show is getting a little long winded. 


Holy SHIT! I got another one right! Or should I say Wright?? Kendall Wright better hope Kenny Britt comes back full strength

21. Bengals - Cordy "But I haven't Been Arrested Yet, Bengals" Glenn

Live Blog - Patriots coming up now. Cannot say I know who this will be, but I bet it is a pass rusher...
Chandler Bing Jones! Now I do't know, but I think having the Patriots pick him 10 spots later should still count towards my mock, right?

22. Browns - Andre "The Giant Olive" Branch

Live Blog - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA


Brandon Weeden, it is not that I think poorly of you. I just think poorly of your new team. I guess they needed to find a good back up for Colt McCoy, just not one that will retire before the current starter does.


And the self-serving NFL Troop Appreciation segment. Causing yet another commercial. I respect any troop of any variety, active duty, currently fighting, commanders, ensigns, retirees...I just think it should have been done in the beginning of the show, with the National Anthem, and this show could finish sooner. Yes, ,I know that in prime time commercials are needed. Do not worry, Disney, I will be seeing the Avengers.,

23. Lions - Jerel "What's That Smell" Worthy

Live Blog - Ri-Re is roing ro rhe rions. This will be the year of the young receiver in Detroit, and Megatron will be ok. 

24. Steelers - Jonathan "My Favorite" Martin

Live Blog - Wow...DeCastro. Mike Mayock just said he may struggle with size. However, Mike Mayock can accommodate all sizes. Mayock also said he was "nipple" footed

25. Broncos - Mike "Most Regular Name in the 2012 NFL Draft" Adams

Live Blog - I wonder if the Patriots have some big weekend BBQ to get to Saturday as they have no picks after tomorrow. 


Huh. That guy's name is pronounced just as it appears. I think you need a half second pause at least between "Dont" and "A". 

26. Texans - Peter "In The" Konz (His name sounds like Peter Cuntz)

Live Blog - And the coolest last name goes to this guy. Mercilus. 


Holy crap did I just see a black berry?


Mike Mayock sounding like Sylvester the cat. Sufferinpffft Succatashpfffft


If you are going to a "Moments ago" for Whitney Mercilus' reaction via Skype, you had plenty of time to cut away from that poor woman spreading her legs on national TV. 

27. Patriots - Devon Still "Won't Leave"

Live Blog - Sorry, could somebody remind me what other night besides Monday and Sunday that football would be on? I can't recall. 


I think that boy Kevin Zeitler is going to make a great difference, or more like just an improvement for the up and coming Bengals. Cincinnati Bengals - "we don't take criminals anymore" are on the move. 

28. Packers - Lamar "'s Mom Goes Far" Miller

Live Blog - Does this mean that the Packers might be able to stop somebody now? Nick Perry looks like a beast. 

29. Ravens - Dont'a "Walka by yourselfa at nighta" Hightower

Live Blog - Looks like the vikings are totally okay with rebuilding last year, this year, and next year. 


Seriously? Another fucking commercial, of the same annoying song? Please put those two annoying bags in the Verizon store, too, please. 

30. 49ers - Stephen "One Tree" Hill

Live Blog - AJ Jenkins - I know you are excited to get drafted in the first round, as you should be. Too bad your teammate is Alex "the anomaly" Smith

31. Patriots - Chandler "Bing" Jones

Live Blog - So this pick is the result of one of what seems like a dozen trades done tonight. 


Wow. Doug Martin. Maybe LeGarrette will punch him


Did Mike Mayock just refer to Doug Martin by saying "AWESOME birth!"?

32. Giants - Whitney "The Girl" Mercilus

Live Blog - FINALLY! I can go to bed soon. NFL Network, the draft prime time special is cool on paper, but your execution is horrendous. 


Come on Giants, do something dumb...


David Wilson. And all the giants fans for one second were shown on the TV looking like they just heard something in Greek. Mike Mayock has just stated that he is a football player. Good for him. 


Good night, blogosphere. Good bye, NFL network commercials, Rich Eisen saying "guys, we have a three hour show here", and poor Whitney Mercilus' relatives' crotch being broadcast to the world.