Snowboarder caught in avalanche, films ordeal - GrindTV.com

Snowboarder caught in avalanche, films ordeal - GrindTV.com

I want to rename this post, "How to be an absolute Douche."  The video is what it is.  The guy starts to snowboard, then all of a sudden it looks like his movement on the mountainside causes the avalanche, and he falls, fast, with the snow.  The rider appears smart enough to know all he can do is slide down with the snow.  Quick thinking if you ask me that maybe saved his life or saved him from severe injury.  The guy here, not the douche I'm referring to.  Comments on the video range from somebody saying they couldn't view it to another poster suggesting a guy kill himself for saying the video quality wasn't that good.  People then go on and on about how it's not an avalanche, just a small snow slide, but "get's the heart rate up nonetheless." Douches.  That last comment is saying like it was some kind of amateur "baby's first fall" when the guy commenting has probably been through a hellacious mudslide.

I have to say, I never understood the whole "GoPro" thing until I see things like this.  Okay, so a part of me still can't understand what this guy intends to do with the video he made if he didn't have an avalanche.  Somewhere, in the middle of Romania, there is a woman sitting on a couch who just watched her 400th snowboard video.

I do believe though that through other's misfortunes that were captured by a GoPro or other personal camera, you are able to find some extreme situations you can learn to survive.  The avalanche video taught me what would probably be my only chance to survive that type of fall.  Now, the video of a guy who was in the Red Bull extreme grand canyon bike racing/jumping contest does me no good, even if the rider is removed from the bicycle and falling to certain doom.  That is just a situation that I would not ever be in.  I hope that my end in this life isn't met with a dirty dusty fall from a children's way of moving around before they can drive.

Yeah that's right, I called the bicycle pretty much a children's toy.  There are several "cyclists" as they are called.  I think your group should be called "bikeys."  If a toddler rides a trikey, than you at any age ride a bikey.  Ever see the video of a guy riding his bikey through the woods, and then out of nowhere a bear starts chasing him?  Like a nasty brown bear?  I will admit, if he wasn't on the bikey, he was probably dead meat.  However, the speed he was already at helped him avoid the sideswipe attempt from the bear.  The only problem is though his path was the only thing his bike could really handle, leaving the bear plenty of open running space as well.  Eventually there's a tree down, like some other bear set this trap years ago for idiot bikeys.  The guy picks up his bike and runs through the woods, and, I shit you not, literally hides behind a tree to escape the bear.  I don't think I could run through the woods carrying the bike like that and hide behind a baby tree.  The guy is a better survivor than bikey.  I wouldn't survive that situation, but I also don't hop on a toy made for a child with my only contact with the outside world being a video that may or may not be eaten by a bear.  The comments on that video were like "what an amazing escape" and "new pants!" below the video feed.  The truth is the guy is stupid and would've risked hundreds of thousands of dollars had that bear got him in rescue efforts.  Just saying.

I honestly don't know if I could be friends with somebody who got excited about his/her GoPro.  You know who should wear GoPros? Doctors who perform surgeries.  Cops who may or may not go above the law, or just have as evidence if there is any doubt.  It shouldn't be for somebody wanting to show me how far they road down a dirt road.  Sorry brochacho, but I just don't care.

Tell me your story, how about that.  Tell me of the avalanche.  Honestly, if you told me about the avalanche, and then showed me the video, I couldn't think it would do what you actually went through any justice.  How do these people not have a 55-second clip of them yelling the f word? (the video is 55 seconds long).  How did the guy avoiding a bear attack not repeatedly say shit?  You can say the GoPro is made for the heroic or courageous recreationalist.  Or a bikey.

Supa Duba! Preview of Super Bowl XLIXVIIIXLC

Was the first Super Bowl designated with a 1? Or an I?  I wasn't a part of the beginning of the Super Bowl Era in the NFL, and nor am I really a part of it right now I guess.  What I am, though, is a fan.  I had some discrepancies with the moral compass laid out earlier this year by the NFL, but I realize no matter what I will never not be a fan.  Football is an amazing game.  This year two amazing teams get to play for the big trophy, and let's hope anything is better than last year.

Last year we saw the number one offense versus the number 1 defense, and it showed defense rules supreme. This year, it is being billed as two teams nobody likes going against each other.  I personally still like the Seahawks.  It's mostly their receivers I cannot tolerate.  I agree with the notion that you can't spout off for the second year in a row that nobody believed in you when you were an 8 point favorite at home, defending Super Bowl champions with the #1 seed in the entire NFL once again.  It doesn't work like that.  That makes people hate you.  The Patriots, well, they deal with their own self-created drama where we got to hear for one weak how Tom Brady likes his balls handled.  Aaron Rodgers likes him some firm balls, while Tom Brady likes his a little saggier.  In the Philadelphia area, people will more likely root against the Patriots rather than cheer the Seahawks.  Nationally we are constantly being told that nobody outside of New England and Washington state will care.  Which reminds me of Summerslam 1992 from Wembley Stadium, England.  It was two of the more popular bad guy acts in all of the WWF.  

Shawn, on the left, was originally managed by Sensational Sherri.  She sung his theme song, which when it was just her voice and her walking down with him looking like a total whore was the best entrance you could ever have in pro wrestling at the time.  However, Rick Martel, who was known as the Model, started butting his nose in their business, often finding himself flirting with Sherri.  It set up a match between two of the more hated guys.  The hate that you want to see them get beat up.  I remember leading up to the show, a twelve year old me excited to see them beat the crap out of each other.  Only I never saw it until i prepped for this post.  I used to listen to it on the PPV channel back in the day where the audio came in well, but the picture was mostly scrambled or a negative.

It should be noted that these two wrestlers went to a double countout, a draw or tie, if you will.  Sherri passed out as the two battled trying to revive her.  The two bad guys had a deal that they could do anything they needed to win, but punch in the face.  During the match, it went outside for a few minutes.  Shawn eventually got knocked down.  Martel approached Sherri and gave her an erotic awkward hug and it looked like they may have briefly kissed.  Eventually things broke down in the ring, and they hit each other in the face.  Sherri passed out.  They check on her. Martel knocks Shawn out again.  Martel tries to revive Sherri with erotic looking chest thrusts.  They both get counted out.

It should be noted that Sherr's last name was Martel, and she was in real life Rick Martel's sister.  I know it's not where the phrase came from, but it is true that a tie is like kissing your sister. Or molesting her.  For PPV-caliber money.

So yeah, this game will be like molesting your own sister.  Yikes, this got dark...sorry, let's get back to the game.  How could you not be excited for this game between the two best in the league going at it for a second year?  

And here's a fun picture of a Seahawk with a bunch of dinosaurs.

Perhaps the Katie Perry Half Time Show with like a billion guests will keep everybody involved.  Lenny Kravitz will be there.  Yeah. This guy who makes every song sound like NOT "Are You Gonna Go My Way."  Yeah, this guy is rock and roll.

Probably couldn't get a cab.  So, on to the actual game.  Here's what I'm looking forward to:

1. Herculean effort by Russel Wilson:  The week before Championship Sunday had the experts saying the Seahawks need to strike first because they aren't built to come from behind.  Especially against Aaron Rodgers.  The Packers sure enough went up by really 3 scores.  Wilson was picked off 4 times.  He eventually got the ball rolling (into his receivers' hands) and they came back with a three play drive in OT to score the game winning touchdown.  His game stats looked weak, but his poise and determination was shown, and I think I can always find myself cheering this guy on.

2.  Deflated-balls type taunt: If the Seahawks make a go ahead touchdown late or blow out the Patriots in the early going, expect something like this from the Frick and Frack of NFL, Jermaine Kearse or Doug Baldwin.  They are team players, but they have less class than I have ovaries.  Actually, if any ball references are made by hand gestures, I expect it to be from Marshawn Lynch.  But maybe that's what he wants you to expect....hmmmm....maybe he should just do a DX crotch chop.

3.  If the announcers address Seahwaks fans leaving one of the most epic games I ever saw early: I will never ever understand why you would leave a conference championship game.  The loudest and "best fans" in the NFL were not as loud or best as they normally are two weeks ago.  There is nothing else in that city to root for, except, as SNL portrayed last night in their Super Bowl themed show, "Coffee and rain!!"  I guess this item will be more about other people's reactions on social media to statements about the "12's".

4.  This:

That's a parade of Patriots passing by Tom Brady in a high five misfire seen by a lot of people.  It's okay, joke is actually on them as this is Tom Brady on a non-playing day:

Seriously, I think that is why people hate Tom Brady.  He's a pretty boy with a charmed life, supermodel wife, and all the money we could ever envy.  Just don't forget he earned it all, and yeah it's by throwing a football, but who cares, you still want to watch him get beat up, and if he was your quarterback you wouldn't have it any other way.

5.  Hits: I think both teams are easily agitated and physical.  The Patriots are crammed down America's throat in prime time games so I've seen them play a lot.  Legarrette Blount is awesome.  Lynch is destructive.  The secondaries on both teams play physical.  The linebackers are quick and cunning.  The Patriots receivers look like they chirp a lot, but they are the size of my 8 year old.  The Seahawks wide receivers are tiny, and they go ghetto fabulous on a great play.  That type of attitude gets you hit.  Plus, if you played defense in the Super Bowl, wouldn't you just want to get that game changing hit on Tom Brady?  How about being the guy that finally figures out how to be a brick wall to Russell Wilson?

6.  Commercials:  I haven't given up hope yet that I won't laugh my ass off this year at some.  I hate seeing ads on the side of some websites saying "Watch the new Budweiser ad and then wipe away your tears and remind yourself your a man."  No. If you cry at a commercial, you are a tool.  I mean a bear commercial.  They also say their is some domestic violence PSA coming out from the NFL.  I really want to know when it is going to air, so I don't have to explain to my 8 year old what domestic violence is and why I watch a sport with athletes who do it if it is so wrong.

7.  Collinsowrth coming up with new ways to praise everybody everywhere:  I think if you had Chris Collinsworth team up Joe Buck, that would be the worst broadcast team in America.  Al Michaels is great, but he tends to ride along the compliment train with Colinsworth by the end of a game.  I hope he can just stick to the game at hand rather than stuff like "they say this..." and "...you know the old saying..." and "...I've talked to many around the league who think this guy is/can/would've/could've/is going to be..."

Geez I guess I didn't make this Super Bowl sound too exciting.  Bottom line is I am excited.  The Tom Brady-Bill Belichek Patriots are a different team than the Peyton Manning All-Star Broncos.  The world told the Patriots they were finished after 4 games this year, seemingly in an insurmountable hole.  They went on to practically steam roll every other team but the Packers and Ravens.  The Seahawks seemed like a sure fire Wild Card team.  Yet, they clawed their way in to the best team in the NFL status.  You can argue the Cardinals losing two quarterbacks helped them, but I have a feeling the Seahawks would've rose anyway.  Next year may be a different story.

This year, I hope to watch the Patriots evolve their play mid-game.  I hope to watch a relentless Marshawn Lynch make defenders explode away from him and that defense attack every part of the offense.  I will be rooting for the Seahawks, as this will be the last year they are in the Super Bowl for a while.  I think, however the Patriots will win.  I heard yesterday that 3/4 defenders in their secondary have injuries that would keep them out of any other type of game.  One of them is expecting a baby today and may not be there.  If the baby was born this morning, then look out, Patriots, that could change everything momentum wise if one of the defensive leaders births a child this morning, what better way to celebrate and inaugurate the king child?  Bottom line is, thinking about this - I think the Patriots Offense is better equipped to score on the Seahawks defense than the Seattle offense is capable of scoring on New England.  However, the best performances against the Patriots has been the run game.  The Seahawks lack of true receiver strength could help them avoid having a star blanketed by Darrell Revis.  If the Seahawks win, Luke Wilson or Russell Wilson are MVP.  They will need a major effort from both these guys to tack on points and yards.  If the Patriots win, I expect Brady, Gronkowski, or Blount to win the MVP.  So, I see it playing out like this:

1st Quarter - Feeling out process, Patriots 3, Seattle 0

2nd Quarter - Some big plays develop, but both teams show wrinkles of great playmaking, Patriots 13, Seattle 6.

3rd Quarter - Adjustments and Seahawks start with the ball, even steven quarter, 16-16. Deuces.

4th Quarter - Back and forth and both teams playing not to lose, 23-23. Deuces wild.

Overtime - Yes, I think this continues on and the announcers don't wish for this to end, as everybody on the east coast hopes it does soon.  26-23, Patriots.

There you have it, a historic game that adds so much more to history of the NFL.  Patriots' coach-quarterback combo wins a Super Bowl 10 years after it's last one, Brady joins the likes of only 2 other quarterbacks in history, with a unique spin.  If you ever want to be known for than being more than a cheater, this is the game to prove it, and I think they will.

Life Hacks

First and foremost, I hate, HATE, the term "hacks."  Seriously? Do we have to try to give everything a cool name these days?  Rocco keeps talking to me about MineCraft hacks that he wants to do.  I would get so angry at him as I told him he wasn't hacking anything and opening our computer up to virus and all that other crap.  Then I realized he wasn't reading an actual book about hacking.  It was a fucking strategy guide.  Remember when Nintendo Power made strategy guides?

I had this once.  Did you know it's on sale in Ebay for $35?  I read through this, and realized I didn't want to play the game anymore.

I see so many different people on Facetwit and Booker and Mystagram putting things up like "101 Kitchen Hacks" or "1000 Life Hacks"  What do these include? Well, one of them says to put a tablespoon of vanilla extract into your paint before you start to paint the house, reducing the fumes and making your home smell like vanilla!  BUT, do not put paint in your cookies!  Then, let the ants and other pests enjoy that new vanilla smell in your home.  Dubalternative Life Hack - Open a f-in window.

Need a technology hack? Apparently if you can't afford Microsoft Word, get "open office."  According to the hackist, it has more features and it's free!  Dubalternative Life Hack - Why do you have a computer then?

Seriously, somebody wrote "When returning from a vacation put your dirty shoes inside the free hotel shower caps. That way the rest of the stuff in your suitcase won't get dirty."  Similar Life Hack - Do not use a loaded pistol as a hair dryer.  It will not dry your hair, but rather just blow your brains out.

Seriously (I wrote that again?), let's look at that hack I just said.  This implies that the person who came up with it just did another variation of what any other person would do - keep their smelly things separated from their clean things.  You would probably do this by using some bag.  That means that this guy was traveling around without any kind extra bag for his dirty clothes.  He had no other solution and at the last minute found a shower cap and crammed his tiny ass shoes into the makeshift bag.  That still leaves the top or bottom of your shoes exposed, unless there is an odd draw string in the shower cap.  This guy is not somebody who has found out the secret to life.

Here's another brain buster, mind blower - "Always feel tired even after getting a good, long sleep? You're probably dehydrated -- drink some water right when you wake up." You mean do that thing you need to do stay alive?  Cool story bro.  You should go work for Dr. Oz.

"Want a free doughnut? Mark March 9th down on your calendar. Krispy Kreme are giving away free doughnuts.  No purchase necessary."  For real?  Want a free doughnut in 2 months?  Maybe, if you want one RIGHT NOW, you can ask somebody in your office for $1 because you really, really want a doughnut right now, then never pay them back, you hungry fuck.

Finally, the last published life hack I will share is "If you ever get caught in a burning building, get low. The breathable air will be near the floor."  This isn't a life hack.  This isn't a tip.  This is a rule of fire safety that you should teach everybody.  Not one person who has ever been taught fire safety should be going, "ooooh that's good I must do that."  The reasoning behind it isn't even there.  That explains why this is important.

So, I despise anybody who wants to share things with me that they call hacks.  It's a freakin' tip.  In most cases, it's common sense.  Some dude recommending spreading mayonnaise across your water stained furniture obviously accidentally figured that out, and I dare you to smear that egg and oil based product all over your beloved furniture.  I'll try that at home, then let you know when the swelling in my lip goes down after my wife punched me.

Now, that doesn't mean I haven't learned any TRICKS of my own.  Actually, it's more like beliefs based on pure science.  My HACKS, or general knowledge that I apply to life, are far less trivial than grabbing a free hair net to protect your clothes from your stinky ass shoes that you probably should've left behind anyway.  Let's get some of my favorite things I have actually learned, tested, and live by:

1. Snot rockets are more powerful than blowing your nose.  You are less likely to blow out your ear drums and can get a deeper purge from your nasal cavity, per nostril.  The force at which expectorant leaves the body allows clearance all the way down into your throat.

2. When you spill water, and do not have many items left to dry it up, spread the puddle out.  If you have nothing to dry it up with, use your hands to spread the puddle.  The greater surface area something has, the quicker it will evaporate.  Leave a cookie pan with 1 ounce of water out in the open next to a small glass with 1 ounce of water.  The cookie sheet will dry out quicker.

3. Driving up to and/or over the speed limit during inclement weather is hazardous to everybody.  In some situations, even in normal weather driving up to the speed limit can be dangerous.  It is technically a limit, and you should not go past that.  You only have a right to complain about the driving of others if they are going below a posted speed MINIMUM.  Now quick thinking your big balls pickup truck deserves the right of way and stick to the signs.  They are there for your safety.

Okay, #3 sounds like a stupid "hack" like I have been critiquing up to now. But seriously, who makes these things up?  Why can't it just be "oh I tried this once and it worked"? Instead you act like you are some kind of hipster pioneer, hacking through life like it is the Matrix.  Do you know when the last time I wanted to be cool was?  Like 18 years ago.

Sigh.  But alas, we live in an age now where everybody wants credit for something, and never told that they lost.  Nobody gets to know how to pick themselves back up.  I am very glad I went through the challenges I had in my life.  I'm glad I can share this stuff to my loved ones. I got advice.  I have lessons I learned.  I have real life experience I can share.  I don't know how to make your life better by hacking it.

Hey internet, stop acting like you are doing the world a favor by reminding me that when things don't go the way I expect that it takes 13 hours to build a Toyota and 6 months to build a Rolls Royce.  Did you know Rolls Royce does not state anywhere on its site how long it takes to build one?  You have to have a consultation with somebody who actually thinks you are going to get one.  So the guy who submitted this one probably doesn't even have that Toyota, and is 4,000 miles overdue on an oil change for his Kia.

Duba's 6th Annual "Only When I Have A Blog or Other Available Forum Where I Can Riff" Ideal Superbowl Matchups

Well folks, it's that time of year again. Another year without wondering who the Eagles will play in the Superbowl.  Hell, another year wondering WHEN the Eagles can even sniff the playoffs again.  That is for a different day.  For now, we get some potential classic matches.

 

Oh, where have I been? Well, I have a 7 month old baby and an 8 year old that sometimes you just gotta devote yourself to.  But, I promised myself this wouldn't become a kids or baby blog.  So if you want to know about my kids, find me.

 

On second thought, don't come find me and then demand to know how my kids are, that would creep me out.

 

This year, the perennial favorites in the league, the teams that the league loves with all their balls started out slow.  The Detroit Lions, the butt of several jokes about NFL defenses, were tormenting all their opponents.  Except the Bills.  And the Patriots. And eventually the Packers.  In fact, the Packers started out very slow, to the point that Aaron Rodgers one-upped the local first grade spelling bee champ by telling everybody to "R-E-L-A-X."  Then he became Aaron Rodgers again, and his head got so big that he started laughing at teams that dare tried to stop him.

 

 

Andrew Luck and the Colts started 0-2.  The only reason they got to 1-2 was because they played the Jaguars.  Something seemed off.  T.Y. Hilton led the league in dropped passes.  Trent Richardson did his best impression of a female porn star at a blow bang.  Ahmad Bradshaw got hurt, and his season ended.  Coby Fleener and Dwayne Allen altered sucking and creaking with injuries.  Reggie Wayne became Reggie Lame.  Then, that lovable Andrew Luck started just taking care of business, all while surviving several attempts to cut his beard.

The Patriots started off being manhandled by the Dolphins.  They got taken to the limit by the jets (as always).  They got taken to the limit by Buffalo.  Kansas City romped them, and the quote from Tom Brady saying, "I'll retire when I suck," felt like it was actually time.  Then, Mr. Brady got excited about playing again, excited about his team and what the Patriots should have been.  Perhaps he was a little too excited.

 

The Seahawks, defending Superbowl champions, started strong against the Packers, but then they couldn't figure out how to use Percy Harvin.  They had several key players on defense get hurt.  Dallas, yes, DALLAS beat them at home.  Sure, the Seahawks were able to beat the Broncos at home, but barely, after they demolished the same team in a neutral site.  The defense eventually got all it's pieces back, but then Russel Wilson just got better and better.

I was very surprised and actually enjoyed watching the Colts dismantle the Broncos last week.  That was very impressive.  Do I think they have a shot? Well, that's not what we focus on at this point of the article.  Without further aduba, let's look at the ones I would most like to see:

 

 

1. Seahawks vs. Patriots: I know, half the country is sick of Tom Brady trying to rule the world with his smug face and sharp nipples.  The other half is possibly like me, can accept the fact that Tom Brady can play in another Superbowl.  I have accepted how his team has been over the years in the decade that has past since they won their last Superbowl, against my Eagles, followed by them being accused of cheating to all their wins in the past to that point.  The Seahawks have gone back to having the best defense in the NFL.  Tom Brady and Bill Belichek find constant ways to win, no matter who is in front of them.  They had a great game two years ago.  I kept Wilson on my fantasy bench for that matchup, where he lit up the Patriots for like 30+ points.  That game was the infamous "You mad bro?" game, which I do not understand the meaning of, except it had a lion-looking Richard Sherman screaming into Tom Brady's soul.

 

2.  Packers vs. Colts:  Two more evenly matched teams with quarterbacks known for atrocious facial hair.  This is the game you expect a running back to shine on each team, one amazing defensive player for each team, and 50+ camera shots of the other quarterback while they are on the sidelines.  This would be a wet dream for every analyst in the sporting world.  Rodgers getting a shot at more Superbowls than Favre.  The montage of Luck replacing a Superbowl winning quarterback and all-time franchise MVP.  Cancer.  Mustaches. Cliches. Douches.  Did you pronounces that "DOO-SHAYS"?  I hope so.  And then you realized I called everybody involved a bunch of douches.'

 

3.  Seahawks vs. Colts: This could be just like last year's Superbowl, but the intrigue of Luck and Wilson, drafted in the same round having a go of it.  Luck beat the soon to be champs last year, at Indianapolis, and I wonder if they could do it in Arizona as well.  It's almost like, let's just get Andrew Luck's Superbowl out of the way.  The worst part of this is one will be "new blood" talk, about what Wilson and Luck bring to the table to the league that older guard like Brady and even Rodgers now.  That would be annoying.  They would even analyze his beard in some stupid "all time beards" segment.

 

4.  Packers vs. Patriots:  The NFL almost crashed earlier this year when they played in the regular season.  It was described simply as "oh what a game."  I watched it.  Found it to be boring. I get the two generals that people already look at as "all timers" going at it should be "one for the ages."  Instead of being the Superbowl this could be the Superlative Bowl.

 

 

So, that's what I WANT to see, in that particular order.  Last year I got what I wanted.  The year before that, I got what I wanted.  So, let's sit down and think about what is going to be done.  I cannot help but think the Colts will hang in there better at the Patriots than they did last year.  After, it's the last game of the season, can't hold anything back.  Wait, last game of the season when there's still the Superbowl? Uh Yeah.  Patriots go on to play...................................................................................................................................................................................................................the Seattle Seahawks!  Aaron Rodgers and the Packers have fought back to just rick-roll teams the second half of the year.  At home they are undefeated, even with a gimped Aaron Rodgers.  The Seahawks can lose at home, but not since the second half of the year.  The Seahawks have enough great players in the secondary to half their pass rush gang tackle Rodgers all day.  I bet he can't even finish the game.  No second half heroics in this one.  Perhaps this game gets out of hand way too fast, despite the talent involved.

 

So there you have it, the Seahawks then go on to defeat the Patriots in the Superbowl, 24 to 17.

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