Duba's Top 10

So...if you know me well enough, you have probably heard me mumble and grumble about anything, no, EVERYTHING! I have been justified in some of my grumblings, other times been called just a miserable fool. Regardless, I am sure that you will see I can justify almost every complaint I have.

So, without further aduba, let me present to you....

THE TOP TEN (10) THINGS I HATED IN JANUARY

10. This so called winter - Seriously, Mother Nature? I wore a thin button down shirt with no jacket today. Almost felt like a luau. Where is the fear of my nose falling off? Why can I feel all my toes on my left foot? I want to walk outside everyday to it feeling like God hit me with a block of ice to the face. Additionally, this heat wave is only compounded by...

9. The Sun - I hate the sun. I get that it is essential for the universe's survival and for life as we know it. So are water and I like them. My right eyeball cannot take the unnecessary brightness of tbe sun, and therefore I must wear 3M tinted safety glasses. The sun is also directly responsible for slow moving traffic as it rises and sets at will with reckless abandon. The sun is responsible for water...that rolls down my back hair as I am warmer than I ever have been in January. February, you better freeze my cacahuates off.

8. Italian Cruise Ships - Buca Di Beppo cruise lines took one in the poop deck and to port side while Captain Albano was trying to get to land to call for help. What a disgrace to men and Italians. Didn't the Italians build our skyscrapers? They should be fearless. Whether the captain was there on the boat or not, people still died. I would be more concerned about the fact there was no great escape plan.

7. Joe Paterno dies a Saint - So the way people have reflected on this guy's career you would have thought Jeebus himself came back from Mars, coached college football, then died a death of a hero. No. He did great things football wise...in the 80's...and proceeded to protect a child molester. You all love a good O.J. Joke, but nobody can talk ill "JoePa"

6.  Company Holiday Parties the Next Calendar Year - January 30th holiday party? That is not even close to boxing day or Chinese New Year.

5. Watching a slow motion replay of Lawrence Tynes mouthing "I'm going to the fucking superbowl!" - I cannot believe Lawrence Tynes is going back to the fucking Superbowl.

4. January 3 - Back to work day. Also, I did not do a good job wrapping things up at the end of the year and I walked straight into anafter vacation admonishment.

3. The Show "I Hate My Teenage Daughter" - Remember when Jamie Presley was the teenage daughter? Yeah...now she is the mother.

2. The influx of New Year's resolutioners - Every year many people make the resolution to lose weight and feel great. The result is they spend 20 - 40 bucks a month to complain about the gym while changing in the locker room cheek to cheek with me.

Aaaaand the number one thing I hated about January...

1. Two straight weeks of Patriots Giants Superbowl hype. I still have not decided which gun I am going to insert into my mouth and swallow a bullet on February 5.