Well folks, at the beginning of the month I put up a post on my regular Facebook page (just regular ol' Jim Duba) that asked people to participate in a "Rock Paper Scissors" contest. The loser would be humiliated, a tie would produce my fortune for that person, and a win would result in heaps of praise.
Mandi Lynne Barrett
I had struggled mightily with what my selection is. I think people would see me as a rock kind of guy, so I tried to mix it up and decided on paper. Mandi Lynne Barrett was the first brave soul to throw down - her choice? Paper.
Mandi is a friend who married my other great friend Brandon at the point of a shotgun. But that is her past. Let us get to her future...
She is an amazing cook who produces some of the most unique tastes in my mouth, and her hand in the great General Tso's Pizza meal will go down as an all time favorite. However, after years of visiting Brandon and Mandi at their home in Maple Shade, I noticed she has a strong affinity for dogs. So much so that she had (and maybe still does) a daily pop-up calendar called "Stuff on my Mutt." It resulted in several hilarious pictures of dogs, large and small, fat and starving, in costume garb. Therefore, I think that Mandi will one day on an animal rescue shelter. Perhaps specifically a shelter for dogs, but I cannot imagine her limiting herself to that. This is not any other shelter. It will be a rescue shelter for those dogs who do NOT get dressed in costumes by their owner. Perhaps it could even be a reality show where Mandi has a side business in the shelter of getting dogs adopted - but they come in costumes - and Mandi teaches owners about decorating their animals or provides a service that dresses up dogs for special occasions. I think I have seen her rat terrier as a lobster before and it was pretty hilarious. She could call the show "Pimp my hide," "Dolling Up Doggy," "Mandi's Mutt House." Maybe you could open up Brandon's bakery ("Brandough") next door.
Joseph Nardone
Joe, who is my lovely girlfriend's older brother, unfortunately threw rock. Therefore, he lost, and this contest totally backfired. You see, Joe is a war hero, and has two great kids that Kim absolutely adores. I like them, too, as they are really cute and seem to like me. I was deeply bothered by Joe's tossing of the rock. With this blog, I know I am kind of like Spiderman (or perhaps more like Ant Man) - with great power comes great responsibility. I mean, all over the WORLD, people will know Joe as whatever I label him as. And as somebody who has raised our nation's flag across that world, I was conflicted and even thought of voiding the contest. But that is not my style.
I asked Kim what I could say about her brother that would not put a rift in the family or embarrass one of our nation's finest. She gave me a list of things. I asked her if she should check with her brother on some of them, and she figured that if she thought she should have to check, I probably should not write it. Oh boy, what now? If it was one of my other friends I could rattle off a story from the top of my head that would serve as embarrassment. This, however, had to be played differently.
The last time I saw Joe was a couple weeks ago I think at his father (also named Joe) birthday party. I would not reveal the results as nobody had yet thrown scissors. The family was all their - Joe and his kids, Kim and Prince Rocco, Grandma and Grandpa Nardone, and assorted aunts uncles and cousins. Grandma Nardone was absolutely key in the story I shall tell.
I think Joe come to the house directly from his monthly drill session. He was relaxing with his kids after we all stuffed ourselves with what seemed like acres of food. Joe and I are just shooting the breeze. All of a sudden, Grandma Nardone comes by and interrupts us to ask how Joe was and before he could answer she asks him, "So does the military make you cut you hair like that?" Joe kind of laughed it off and said it was his choice, and he got up to check on his kids or to mingle. As he left, Grandma Nardone whispered, "Poor thing." She then proceeded to tell me that my hair cut was way better (but little did she know that my hair one time looked very much like Joe's, but alas I know my current look will always be my best option - I can't polish a turd).
Joe, for the record, your haircut is fine.
New Buddy Mike aka Puddin' aka Michael Lawrence
You know why Mike is a good man? When I declared on Facebook that I needed somebody to scissor me, he was the first to respond. He knew the innuendo I was insinuating when I announced that and he took the chance anyway - knowing that he would be the one to agree to "scissoring" me as well as having an uncertain future. I have known him for a couple of years, met him actually right before he got married to lovely Victoria. The two are now joined as an amazing little (literally) family with their newest addition Connor as well as mainstays - their two dogs (I know one is named Pepper).
So, when I think back on Puddin', what do I like most about him? First of all, we are the same size. It is always nice to have someone of my same ilk with me when I am out and about. It is relieving sometimes to look over at somebody else who is not five years old and ask, "Can you reach that?" - knowing that they can't, either. Second, the fact that he has embraced the name "Puddin'" for years. I believe the origin of the name was when Brandon or perhaps Ed declared that he was the softest looking white dude we ever met or softest pile of white stuff we ever saw. I am not sure. I will not post his picture out of respect to him and my viewers, but if I could compare him to one celebrity, it would be the pie f-er from American Pie:
Maybe that's what Mike looked like a few years back, back when he was known simply as "New Buddy Mike." I will never forget, maybe a couple weeks before his wedding, Mike and I having a conversation about marriage one night at the Coast Line. Indeed, the most reflective of locales. I had hit some major bumps in my marriage that eventually led to an ending, but at least I was able to be honest on my views of what didn't work, why I think it didn't work, and what I would hope for myself and my friends in the future. After hearing out Mike, I knew he loved his then-future wife and he was ready for that huge leap. I was happy for him.
Mike has been a great father from what I have seen, too. He always makes sure he has put his sons cage away before guests arrive. Just kidding there. He ALWAYS leaves it out. Again, I kid. It has always been a feel-good moment for me when I see that some of my closest friends and family and Joe "Grandma Don't Like My Haircut" Nardone have a kid(s), and see that kid(s) look up to their fathers. Seeing his interaction with his son and Puddin' constantly rooting for Connor at whatever he does indeed warms my heart.
Puddin' is also a good sport. Willing to try things just to be a part of the group and hang with the guys. He allowed us (well most of us, minus me) to stomp all over him in Fantasy Football. I liked Mike so much I decided to let him beat me one week. Yeah, that's it! I LET him beat me!
Anywho, Mike is one of the all-around best guys on the planet. He helped me haul up a two-bedroom apartment's worth of stuff I have not touched in a year into a storage unit far from home. He would always have my back if I was up against a wall. He reassures me that it is okay to be below average height and that WE TOO can succeed. He always asks how I am, with legitimate interest, concern, and good will. Mike, I am thankful to have a friend like you.
You would also make the supreme stunt double for me if my blog was ever turned into a movie.
Thanks for reading this. New contest coming soon to get a blog post written about yourself.
good.
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