2012 Duba Invitational Draft Party Review

Location - Casa de el Puddo (Pudding's House)

Date - The Eleventh Day of the Eighth Month of the MMXII year Anno Domini

I don't know what sport this trophy is for or who this guy is, but I bet it has something to do with Europe. Perhaps it is a Jai Alai trophy or a Squash trophy? Who knows? Who cares?

So, I had the draft planned for almost 10 months, and yet 2 people still were not able to attend. That is okay, as they provided a pretty decent "autodraft" strategy. Unfortunately, it was the people who were there drafting "live" that screwed it up for them.

Participants/League History

The Duba Invitiational is relatively new, started in 2010 back when I did not have personal internet at home. I only had other people's houses and my phone. I took over the league from Scott after his commissioning style led to the first ever 6-7 team winning the title (Duba). Therefore, I must have known and done something right. I take pride in all my work, and went from 12 teams in 2010 to 16 teams in 2011 as well as this current year. Brandon has been victorious the past two years and is looking for a threepeat. However, with his only fantasy superstar on his team being Larry Fitzgerald, followed by Eli Manning, he will have a tough time of it.

Duba - Only team ever with a losing record to win the league, pre-Dubanization. Ever since, I have turmoiled at the bottom only to finish in the lower middle.

Pudding - Poor little guy, but spunky. He attempted fantasy football last year for the first time and finished behind the team that essentially had no owner for the year. He did beat me two times I think.

Mandi - Ugh. Lose to her, and you will never hear the end of it. She is known for her love of Ray Rice and obnoxiously long team names.

Jay - Mr. Lady Jeans himself. He is slowly gaining fantasy football experience and with his procurement of an iPhone appears to be on the cutting edge of technology.

Horn - Known for his gigantic head and love of Peyton Manning, has shown improvement in only one thing over the past year - he is working out to gain more muscle to support his greater than above averaged sized head.

Kerr - The former eccentric Cinnaminson native and one of the scummier people I have ever met who once tried to shit on a random porch in Philadelphia is now the eccentric North Jerseyan.

Ed - Unconvicted of alleged crimes, he somehow finds away to be the consistent third placer in our game.

Tim - Lover of all players with past or potential knee ligament disasters.

Scott - Formerly a douche and now accepted by all, he is to be married in a few weeks when hopefully his potential fantasy production will decline. Also known for his unfathomable love of the Washingt Redskins.

Nick - The only man I can identify by his butt crack alone, he is a consistent threat every year who I took a whole year to pay his second place finish to in the 2010 Duba Invitational. He got paid back at last year's draft. I am a scumbag.

Anthony - Nick's older brother, who I know nothing of. Except he is older than Nick.

Dave Bell - The man called me up to ask if swimming was required to draft as in my communications about the draft I also told everybody to bring their swim gear. He told me that he didn't want to go swimming because he was going somewhere after the draft. He showed up wearing a tuxedo t-shirt. I asked him if he was going to a very poor bachelorette party as the male entertainment with that get up on.

Brandon - The man has a dynasty and he is looking for a threepeat, but hopefully this year he stumbles and becomes fantasy human again.

Branda - Bless her heart, she always targets Steelers players and then targets number 2 overall pick the following year.

Homer - A guy I have yet to meet who supposedly took over for a team last year. I do not believe he exists nor do I think he will make more than 2 roster moves all year.

Rich - The one guy who could not get off from work when the draft date was announced in January. He autodrafted last year and with a team of all running backs took 4th place overall.

So the draft order was set, Pudding, Brenda, Bell, Anthony, Jay, Tim, Duba, Mandi, Nick, Horn, Scott, Homer, Rich, Ed, Kerr, and Brandon. Below is their first round picks, and my thoughts:

Pudding - Unfortunately, he still doesn't quite get how this whole fantasy thing works. Arian Foster, on every board, is ranked number one. And for a reason. The Texans are run heavy, and he catches passes with the best of them. Barring injury, he may be the most sure thing in fantasy again this year at the running back position. Just for spite, he selected Ray Rice to mess with Mandi, even though she was still 7 more picks away and would have no shot at him anyway.

Brenda - With that stumble by Pudding, she secured Arian Foster. It was, in my opinion the single smartest move in the draft. If she went for a quarterback, I would have had a heart attack. She followed up in the second round seeking out Ben Roethlisberger, but then thought long and hard about Tony Romo and chose him.

Bell - When the quarterback is king, he goes with Aaron Rodgers. Dave bell, his normally boisterously loud self was awfully reserved during the draft, diligently studying in what would be called a fortress of solitude who I nominate for best draft. He got Jimmy Graham in the second.

Anthony - Wisely chooses LeSean McCoy who has two more capital letters in his name than anybody should. Another quite drafter who was going with the skill positions first grabbing Julio Jones in the second round.

Jay - Jay went on a rant earlier before the draft commenced about Tom Brady. His lady jeans got a little bit tighter when he selected Brady at 5th overall. For a follow up? He went with his one last hope of Demaryus Thomas to be catching balls from a healthy Peyton Manning.

Tim - He reached out and grabbed the first Johnson he could. Just another Saturday. Calvin Johnson is his man. Tim, in recent years at least, is the type of guy who's fantasy football luck means he is destined to get frustrated at the Madden Curse. His second rounder? Adrien Peterson. Then, RGIII - an unproven rookie QB for one of the worst teams of all time in the history of man. Followed up by James Starks, who may be second behind Cedric Benson now on Green Bay.

Duba - Perfect opportunity for me to select my favorite non-Eagles player, Drew Brees. My other choices were Ryan Mathews, but he just broke a goddamn shoulder, MJD who is holding out, or Chris Johnson, who I could not pick over Drew Brees. My second pick was Fred Jackson, who I hope has sturdier legs this year and has been drinking milk.

Mandi - She grabs her husband's man crush, Mathew Stafford. A guy I thought was going to hit the bottom of round 1 or the beginning of round 2, he is the fourth quarterback taken, making this the first time our draft had the first half of the first half of our picks be quarterbacks. Her follow up of Wes Welker in the back half of Round 2 was actually pretty good, followed up by Jordy Nelson.

Nick - Nick does not care about a hold out and knows that Maurice Jones-Drew's hyphenated ass was the rushing title winner last year. He holds out hope the holdout ends soon while we all hope he is the next Vincent Jackson, 10 game holder outer. He shored up receiver with Roddy White in the next rounds with Roddy White and Victor Cruz, and ultimately Joe Shmoe Flacco at QB.

Horn - First brilliantly boneheaded pick of the draft. Brilliant if Manning stays healthy, but boneheaded because he missed an entire year after four, FOUR, neck surgeries. Meanwhile, Cam Newton, Tony Romo, Eli Manning, Vick, Phillip Rivers, and Jay Cutler were still available. He followed up with the aging Steven Jackson who should probably frustrate him to no end. He eventually got the Bronco's tight end and kicker as well. Poor Horn.

Scott - After seeing the run on quarterbacks take a funny turn at Petyon Manning, I do not blame him for picking up Cam Newton. I predict he will regress, but Scott had an opportunity to take a threatening point scorer. He followed up with Rob Gronkowski and ultimately his strategy was strictly based on time machine points projections from 2011.

Homer - First Autodraftee of the day wanted the best available running back which in this case was Chris Johnson. I like that pick and wish somehow by a miracle Johnson had landed on me in the second round. No such luck. Homer received a double Johnson in the second round, grabbing Andre's Johnson as quick as he was available.

Rich - The second autodrafter who wanted the best available quarterback at the time. This proved to be a major flaw as I am sure he was expecting Cam or Stafford to be there at this spot. Unfortunately, he got Michael Vick. And because I have to be unbiased in this case, I wept a little inside, despite having Drew Brees. I again had to be unbiased and follow Rich's draft strategy, leaving him without a backup QB. His next autodraft pick on the All Injured Team was Darren McFadden.

Ed - Not one to keep up with the news, Ed selected the potentially to be suspended Marshawn Lynch. He picked up Lynch last year after I dropped him, before his 11 week tear. His next pick was the way to early selection of Matt Ryan, but I can see him being a sleeper. I think Ed will struggle to finish 3rd place this year.

Kerr - He selects Matt Forte, who, despite the fact Michael Bush is there, is still statistically a steal. He averages like 10 points a game despite never being the goal line back and always has increased production. He is the work force of the Bears and I feel like with an improved receiving corps Forte can have a slightly better year (if he plays all 16 games). In the second round he got another high-octane running back - Demarco Murray, followed by the clavicle-less Ryan Mathews and the maligned Jay Cutler.

Brandon - After he picked his jaw up off the floor after witnessing utter baffoonery conducted 15 times before him, he selects Larry Fitzgerald, who will have a better year if the back up quarterback becomes the starting quarterback. Fitz has always been a great player, but with the way things went, Brandon had to get the best available play maker. Next up in the snake draft for him was Eli Manning. I have never known anybody to win with Eli Manning at quarterback and this may ring true again.

There you have it. It took like 4 hours to complete, with a major break coming in for grilling followed by oreo cake pops, bacon laced potato salad, pulled pork, Scott's infamous cookies, and me being smashed off two Rolling Rock bottles.

The night concluded in Pudding's pool where I proeceeded to yell the biggest asshole comment to one of my league mates that I will reserve to repeat if and when I defeat him in Week 1.

Brandon, Kerr, Ed, I hope you choke on it.