Myths about the 2013-2014 Philadelphia Eagles

FINALLY!

After weeks of murder, DUIs, car chases, weapons charges, and domestic abuse including child abuse (Boley from the Giants), football is finally getting back into the grind. It started earlier this weekend as some teams opened up camps. The Eagles finally signed Lane Johnson to come into training camp today. All rookies come in, along with all FIVE quarterbacks, even the water boy GJ Kinney.

2011 was a tough season, with high expectations and the Eagles finishing 8-8. Then 2012 came, and they went 4-12. People like the guy above pretty much exemplified a city. Seriously, people were suggesting to cut the entire team. That's almost what they did on defense. Anywho, this article last year was my most read one ever. I hope to repeat the process, though most of it was probably attributable to the DeSean "Diamonds on my Neck" Jackson and Andy "I moved to a great barbeque city" Reid chest bump picture I put up.

With that name, I bring up my first myth of many that I will either refute, repulse, or rhetorrically ask you back...

DeSean, Desean, D-Shawn Jackson's ventures outside of football will and/or has already detract the team from succes.

That's our boy right there reading his hellacious rap off some device. Perhaps it is a metronome so he can stay in time and on rhythm. Who the Hell does he think he is? William Shatner? That reminds me, Knock Knock. Who's there, you ask? Well, William Shatner. William Shatner who??? She's gross, I heard William Shatner mouth last weekend.

William pooped in her mouth.

Now I'm off topic, considerably. Desean opened up a rap label at the beginning of last season, and has produced such major stars including Desean Jackson. I have no problem if he has a hobby that he sinks he money into. Players who get hit for a living need something else to occupy their free time. Desean has a major charity as well to help with pancreatic cancer. I don't like rap, I think it is for the most part awful with few exceptions. I'm sure his is horrible. Listening to the Merril Reese reading of his rap was awesome, though. When a player in any city devotes serious amounts of time to a charity, everybody wants to go in and say what a nice guy he is. At least he isn't murdering anybody or hitting women in a club. And on a side note, he seems to favor Vick. Why wouldn't he? We all remember the opening bomb in the Monday Night Massacre of the Washington Redskins that started with the Vick to Desean deep ball. I will always remember that. That's been his signal caller for 3 years now. I know deep down Desean probably just wants the glory, but maybe now with his other ventures seemingly wrapped up, he can take more chances in football so that he can just produce, get more recognized, and help all his causes, either for himself or for others. Make fun of it all you want, but he should be fine (and by fine I mean another average season).

Chip Kelly will make us forget about Andy Reid. If you just now, today, became a fan of the Eagles, you are just flat out excited. I have only been a fan since Andy Reid, so I may never forget his tenure. Other longer-time fans still bring up how terrible Rich Kotite was. Kotite, as said in my Eagles daily calendar, went 37 wins in 66 games (0.561 winning percentage). Unfortunately, it almost takes the long tenure of a good coach or the tenure of 2 coaches to get past the last coach. I say this because many of the players, the saucy fingerprints if you will, are leftover from the Andy Reid era due to several players who are stuck on the team still. Danny Watkins? Casey Mathews? Nick Foles? Nate Allen? If Kelly wants a team of his own, that will take several more drafts to wash away the Andy Reid era, and by that point his tenure may be over as well. Andy also inherited the makings of a special team, and he left Kelly with some decent defensive prospects. Now, when the defense eventually gets up and succeeds, the announcers and analysts will be sure to pick out which players were Reid's selection and which were Kelly's. Reid kept himself clean, even lost a beloved family member in Philadelphia. Chip Kelly will be reported as having left Oregon to escape sanctions by the NCAA. Even if something insanely awesome happens, the media won't let us forget about Andy Reid, who is the Nation's hearthrob. 

 

Chip Kelly will revolutionize the NFL.

MAYBE. The pistol formation has already let the Redskins come out of nowhere. However the talk all offseason was how coordinators can now plan for the pistol and make it a water gun. I don't buy that. You can't stop some great players. And the Eagles do not have those great players. I think Chip Kelly could've taken the easy way out and waited until next year when the draft will supposedly be much better. I predicted the Eagles only go 6-10 this year, so they will have a low draft pick again (but not near 4th). Many have made the argument that Bill Belichek has tapped the mind of Kelly, leading to the revolutionary two tight end sets the Patriots kill people with. Sorry, bad pun. The Patriots also had a murderers row in talent. Had enough? It's not my fault that one of the most highly acclaimed franchises has had more active duty players responsible or connected to deaths than the Patriots. People always think about Kelly as this guru. Hopefully he is. Andy Reid actually was a guru for his time. There I go now, comparing the two. Well, Kelly also has the philosophy that "Big People Beat Up Little People." True. That's why he got Lane Johnson. That's why he wants his O-line to be special. That is what dictates the team the most in his scheme. The only problem with him implementing a quick-get-the-play-out-and-off scheme is that there are plenty of Eagles who are old dogs. More like complacent dogs. Vick included. Vick is exciting because he is that special player who at 33 years old reportedly smoked Lesean McCoy in a foot race. Maybe so, but he isn't smart enough to not be a hero and not get his bell rung every play. If Vick is in, it will be San Francisco/Redskins retread. If Foles or Barkley gets in, than watch out. This could be where the mastermind label fits.

Speaking of which, Vick will be the starting quarterback.

I have been a supporter of Vick's since the Eagles signed him. I didn't see 2010 coming, but I was there when he came. Ew...I saw a leader, a warrior, a hero. Despite his failings in life prior. Many pegged Vick as the starter when Kelly was named coach. They restructured his contract and are very much below the salary cap, so that wasn't really necessary. Would Kelly's quarterback of the future be a guy the restructured for one year and would implement a new offense again the following year? No. Sure Chip Kelly can give us the lip service that the goal is to win the Super Bowl. But even he has to be honest and know that when he says that, nobody expects that this year. At least there seems to be no connection between Vick and Kelly. He seems more high on Foles. And I think he may be right. Nick Foles has reportedly improved so much over his 2012 self. I certainly was more impressed with him than anything Kevin Kolb ever did. He was almost Jeff Garcia-esque, in his first year. If he gets to be the starter from the jump, he could do good things. He almost got them back against Dallas and New Orleans last year, but the defense imploded. And besides, you have a much better/similar quarterback backing him in Matt Barkley. As much as I pulled for you, Vick, you're out and Foles should be in. I don't like that our two top quarterbacks have "ick" in their names, though.

But Duba, if Vick can just hold on to the ball, maybe he deserves to start?

IF? See above. That ball is already like 5 feet in front of him. I remember that. I think I actually punched myself in the groin when that happened. The three games the Eagles won with Vick was despite Vick. Sure all the talk about him was the one win against the Giants was Vick's only turnover free run last year. So what. Foles had his issues, too, as did some receivers and of course Bryce Brown. I think Brown had as many fumbles as touchdowns last year (better than Ryan Mathews stat of more broken collar bones than touchdowns - 2:1). And everybody is making a big deal about how Vick suddenly said that he learned how to hold the ball so as not to fumble. Good for him. Good for Kelly for being able to pick that up. A star athlete doesn't have to be the brightest bulb in the package, so that's what coaches are for. Andy Reid couldn't see that. I don't know. Whoever starts, must protect the ball with the utmost importance. I don't think Vick is that guy anymore.

The Eagles Defense is still the weakness.

Hard to tell. With team cancers supposedly removed from the team, maybe all 11 players on the field can play as one instead of looking over at each other as individuals who did what they were only supposed to do. I can see the defense being good to start the season, and then migrating back down to below mediocrity. It's a new system there as well. And the guy running the gig was the same guy who helped make the NFC West the laughing stock of the NFL. Supposedly individual players improve skillwise under Billy Davis, but that must come from within veterans who can then expand on a leadership role. Who is that leader? Newcomer Connor Barwin? Barwin's old teammate and second year Eagle Demeco Ryans? It should be Trent Cole. It should be somebody in the secondary. And then Ryans. Hopefully this younger core just gets down to business and works. They need to find some kind of heart. It may be a unit that benefits with the old "addition by subtraction" mantra. We all know Kurt Coleman wasn't the greatest safety, but maybe if his teammates had his back they could've thrived a little more. Right now, my thum is at a +1 degree angle, when my thumb was held out to the side like in the movie Gladiator. If they exhibit toughness, the fans will back them up in stadium, unlike last year when people were rooting more for the opposing teams' stars to do well for them in fantasy football.

Eagles Fans Will Never Be Happy

We got rid of Andy Reid and now everybody is happy, right? Nope. Pat Shurmur, the guru of the no coast offense. Billy Davis, the NFC West common denominator. Chip Kelly, an unproven professional head coach. The Eagles were late in naming a coach. Whatever made Kelly decide to come here, it cost them the chance to hire better options for coordinators. Yeah, Kelly may have his hand in the offense, but this pairing could be done by game 12. Chip Kelly had the fourth most 4th down attempts in college football during his tenure. What  happens when he goes 0-1? People probably cheer and scream at his bravado. 0-2 in the same game. Fans get excited as the play is developing only to be let down perhaps with a short throw or a fumble or somebody like Vick breaking from the play to do it on his feet. Better not go for a third, Chip, or you will be pelted with batteries. I mean Car Batteries. Chip Kelly is like the negative of Rex Ryan. People focus on Ryan more than the Jets. The Jets also had the butt fumble.





Hopefully the Eagles team can play hard, and not Jet-like. Hopefully they can make the heat easier for Chip. If Vick is the starter, he will take half the heat. But if it is Foles, I expect Kelly to give you sounds and speech unlike the usually "Gotta do a better job"  hyperbole. But there I go again.

I will be attending the Eagles open practice at Lincoln Financial Field on August 17. Feel free to stop me and ask for an autograph. I'll be happy to do so.

Until then, FOOTBALL!

Restaurant Review: The Hoity Toity Waste of Time Known as "The Melting Pot"

In a nutshell-Don't feel like cooking? Then don't come here.

 

 

So Friday my lovely Kim and I celebrated four lovely years together. After a stressful week I wanted to take her to some place nice. So we drove up to King of Prussia ti enjoy a classy night. First we didn't know reservations were needed, so we had to wait 40 minutes for a table. No big deal. We sat at the bar and had some really great drinks. Kim had whatever her go to sangria drink is and I had some Jack Daniels amazing blackberry drink. This would eventually turn out to be the best part of the experience.  

 

 

We decided what we would eat at the bar. I admit we made a major mistake here by not reading about this place before we got there. The assumption on our end was that we dipped all our food in cheese or other fonduey dips. Boy were we wrong. 

 

 

First the cheddar fondue dip we chose was very bitter. I kind of liked it but Kim certainly didn't. They gave three different bread cubes, broccoli/cauliflower, and apples. The apples were an odd choice and pretty gross in cheese. The breads were the best. We slowed down on dippin so we could have room for all our food yet to come. They brought me a flavorful California salad with vinaigrette and pecans and bleu cheese. Okay. Things seem great. 

 

 

Then reality set in. They brought out the broth we ordered, but we were confused as the waitress already told us this choice was meant for how the meat would be cooked. Out came two small plates with raw meat and seasoning on the pieces. Kim's order included a smattering of duck. Ever see raw duck?

 

 

 

 

I instantly became skeptical. Now, I know that I maybe I should have read up about the melting pot, but I went in uninformed. If I had known I would do all the work, I would've chosen to go to Denny's. Her order also included lobster. At least they did us the courtesy of plucking the meat out of the tail. The meat wasn't gross or anything, but seeing all that rare meat, and having only two skewers to stab the meat and cook for "up to 2 minutes" was not appealing anymore. Two minutes turned to over 5 minutes, for a bite of food at a time. I stabbed all my chicken and pork onto the skewer. It tasted good to me, but Kim was completely turned off.

 

 

So, I pretty much ate everything on my plate. But it seriously took like 30 minutes for me to cook and eat. I'm pretty sure that only the end pieces of the meat I placed on my skewers cooked appropriately. Whatever, I was starving.

 

 

After we gave up on fishing vegetables out of the broth as well as giving up on the search for meat lost in the bowl, we opted for the chunky peanut butter fondue dessert platter. This was the second best part of the night (my drink, the Jackberry Splash, was tops). Cheesecake, brownies, marshmallows, crusted marshmallows, and for some reason fruit that were NOT apple slices came out on a plate. This was instantly filling.

 

 

The bill? $105 total, plus nearly $20 for our drinks earlier at the bar. And we were not happy. The waitress was nice, and she prepared the cheese fondue, broth, and chocolate fondue. Kim and I wondered if she goes home to her family and cooks for them? That's a lot of food to make on the fly for people. Our experience there lasted almost three hours. I think I would have rather read a dictionary or had a colonoscopy.

 

 

We noticed some dude was there by himself. Who just hangs out there? Not a care in the world, with three hours to kill to make, eat, and digest dinner? Maybe he just came from a colonoscopy and needed to relax by himself. Maybe he hates his family. I don't know.

 

 

I heard a couple with three kids there say to their kids that they were very impressed with how well behaved their kids are. Sometimes it's cool to see the food made right in front of you. I couldn't imagine trying to keep Rocco still there while he cooked his food. And for three hours at that. Sure he would've loved the dessert, but that would've been everywhere, as would the cheese fondue.

 

 

The novelty of a place where you can dip all your food in something is nice, not an everyday thing. I also have enjoyed places where I have had to cook my own meat. There was a tiki bar in Reading, PA, I used to go to that you would select your meat and prepare it yourself and grill it up outside. That was awesome. But cooking one bite at a time was lame. I think people who really enjoy this place also overuse and overemphasize the word "phenomenal." I am not one of those people. I overuse the word "awesome." Red Lobster and Famous Dave's are awesome.

 

 

No matter what, we made the most out of our night together, enjoying another day in our 4 great years together, so at least we didn't lose sight of that.  

 

 

My Gay Stance

Let me first start out by saying I love a gay joke, insinuating somebody is gay, or calling myself gay for doing something, well, gay. I by no means mean it to be that gays are lesser than straight people. I think a person who has a problem with gay people would say the previous sentence like this - "I by no means mean it to be that gays are lesser than NORMAL people." To me, a person who is "normal" is somebody that respects others and always tries to do their best by doing what's best for other people. There are certainly some evil hearted gay people and definitely a littany of evil hearted straight people.

Do I have many gay friends? Not really. But I do know some people who I used to go to school with back in the 90's (God I'm getting old). I remember being a dick at times to these kids. If I grew up now, I would certainly have not had to ever make a joke or get a laugh at somebody else's expense of being gay. As an adult, I realize a gay person is a person. Just like any other person. Yet others want to hold that feeling down for some reason. It, to me, is like the last thing that the type of people who unwillingly let black people prosper have left to hold on to. Some people just want to have something to hang over their head. There are some people who want to still feel superior over others, and gays are the last group left to pick on.

This, to me, is evident in the Boy Scouts of America. I am a volunteer at my local Cub Scout pack for my son, and a couple months back the pastor running the church our group works out of sent an email saying that no matter what the national BSA vote was, they would accept openly gay scouts. But there would be a vote. I just don't understand how you could want to be involved in bettering the lives of kids who can go on to better society yet want to deny a kid that ability. To me, if you voted against it, I don't want you to be there to influence my kid. My son is 7. What if he is gay? He is too young to know or understand that. I would hope that for his life to be easier, he wasn't gay, but if he is, well, I will make it my mission to ensure he is treated as "normal" as can be. Scratch my last sentiment, when I see "I hope he isn't gay" I realize how polarizing of a statement that still is. Kim and I have discussed this at length, and it is whatever. As long as we have made him happy as a child to become a great person and contributor as an adult, we did our job.

The vote in the BSA came up as other gay rights issues have come to light in recent years. One old man who I looked up to at the Cub Scouts said they should have their own group. I find myself to be a manly man, as is this old man, but seriously? It's hard to even say the standard line "I respect your opinion and your right to it, but I don't agree." No, I don't respect that opinion. He was  upset he had to explain to his scout what being gay meant. I can only imagine that conversation. It is as simple as saying to my son, "You know how I love Mommy? Well, some boys love other boys. It is all about who makes you happiest in life. But you are too young to even think about these things, so don't sweat it."

Our local group's vote on accepting gay scouts was based on a boy who wants to be a girl. The boy is maybe 8 or 9 years old, but I swear I always thought he was a girl. I have mixed feelings about this, but I am in no way eligible to critique the parents. It is weird. Rocco always asked me why a girl was in the boy scouts. It makes sense, if he thinks he is a girl, biologically he is a boy, and has no place in the Girl Scouts. As I got to know this boy a little better, he is a good kid. Whoever can label a kid as somebody they don't want in their group because of who they are is a disgusting person in my book. I hate that I lost a little bit of respect for my old man guidance counselor.

So why do I have mixed feelings about this boy who wants to be a girl? It is just weird for me to imagine making it okay for my son to have a harder life than he deserves. In this age where a kid's life can be ruined in 140 letters or less it is scary. How many kids needlessly committed suicide when the going got tough because the whole world ganged up on them? But then again, I imagine it must be a burden that family tries to deal with the best they can, and they certainly appear to be very supportive of their son. Maybe I still have a lot to learn. But I want to.

I wish I could personnally apologize to anybody I ever teased or added on to about being gay, whether they were or not. Recent years of television has certainly opened up the world (or at least America) to the fact that gay people exist, and they are never going away. It opened our eyes to their struggles, which I could never imagine. It is not right to get beat up for being a "nerd" but imagine being beat up because you have feelings for somebody nobody else does? It is crazy.

But Duba, what about allowing gays to get married? Then aren't we opening the door for people who love animals to marry animals? Marriage is between a man and a woman, not a man and a man, NOR a man and a horse!

Seriously? I have heard this argument. So what...all men (and women) are created equal, right? Don't we thank soldiers we don't know every single day for serving across the world for protecting our freedom? And some of these soldiers fall within that same group that you think shouldn't be allowed to wed. If they can die for you, let them marry their beloved. Marriage is a legal declaration with religious tones. There are beliefs in marriage about religious principles, but the legal side allows for beneficiary activities between spouses. Your church doesn't  have to house the gay marriage, which I guess is a legal thing. The legal system shouldn't put their stronghold on the church (unless definite harm is caused to individuals) and the church needs to stay the fuck out of the court house. Okay so God doesn't want Adam and Steve to get married. Judge Soandso doesn't want to see it either, but he has to allow it. If you are a strongly religious person, than let those "sinners" be and know they will have to answer to your God who wants you to spread His word through your actions. I'm sure your actions shouldn't be surpressing your fellow man (or woman).

No real way to end this, but just end the charade already. People are people. That's my vote. The tags to this column will be taken from the first Google search result of "Gayest songs ever."