FAT Tuesday Preview

Other than opening weekend of the NFL, Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, Christmas, ultrasound's of my future son, any event with my current son, quiet moments with Kim, epic days with my friends, moving day, fantasy football draft day, the impending birthdate for my son, the day Game of Thrones resumes, sporting games/practices for Rocco, and Saturdays, the Tuesday that opens up NFL Free Agency is my favorite day of the year.  It is the longest running traditional column I have on my blog. See how right or most likely wrong I was in the past: 2012 and 2013.

Yeah, I know FAT stands for Free Agent Tuesday, and I essentially declare it Free Agent Tuesday Tuesday. We here at The Great Jim Duba don't care.
 

Last year was kind of dismal for free agent talent, and I only really got one of the non-obvious choices right. It's tough to predict, and last year I tried to look at a positions breakdown. I will go with the NFL's supposed list of the top 101 free agents and get the top few from each major position group.

QBs

Michael Vick: The pride of the Virginia prison system has done all he can in Philadelphia. I honestly enjoyed his time there, but much like I had to do with my butt doctor, it's time to break up. Rumor has it the Bills are interested along with possible landing spots in Oakland, Jets, and Texans. Okay, Texans are a no, and so are the Bills. He will not be a bandaid, but rather a bridge to the next guy. New York Jets, welcome to the circus.

Josh McCown: Dude is old and has proved that keeping a quality backup healthy is key to a team's continued success. He combined with Jay Cutler last year to be the third best fantasy quarterback in all the NFL. He can't expect much, but perhaps be the backup at a team that may be going somewhere. Know where he should go to ride into the sunset? Green Bay. Otherwise, perhaps a team in the AFC South can use him as a backup. Any one of them.

Josh Freeman: The single worst game I've ever watched in all my years of football involved the Freeman led Vikings vs the Giants this past year on Monday Night Football. He had a concussion, and the integrity of the entire Vikings team was questioned. I think if he gets a fresh start, he could be quite a player. Perhaps he's the type of player the Houston Texans can use. He's still young enough. He's still got a modicum of skills. He again could go to a team like Houston or Tennessee.

Matt Flynn: He is better served to stick with what brought him to the dance. Just stay the course and enjoy the ride in Green Bay. Spare us the debate and flashback to 2010.

RBs

LeGarrette Blount: So this guy punched his way to getting an overblown contract somewhere. He probably wants starter money, but is better served to be a backup. Just going on a limb, but I can point him to the welcome mat in Cleveland. Other options could be in Arizona to be the pounder that Andre Ellington won't be.

Ahmad Bradshaw: Just give it up man. You already had the gayest game winning touchdown in a Super Bowl ever. You risk serious injury every year. Please, you are a great tough running back, please take the lead of Rashard Mendenhall. He's not coming back.

Andre Brown: He could be the starter in New York. He could stay there and be the bridge to the next back the Giants integrate. He could go on to a backup elsewhere though. I think he should stay in New York.

Maurice Jones-Drew: MJD wanted for years to be paid more by Jacksonville. His wish has led to him most likely getting a pittance. He could have a Reggie Bush resurgence, so he needs to go to a place that would mix him in enough. New England, Miami, Giants, Carolina, Atlanta could be good spots. Perhaps the Saints have something up their sleeves. But keep those teams in mind.

Chris Johnson: They been trying to trade him, but to no avail. He will let his once amazingly promising career go into the fog. Cleveland, Atlanta, Washington, and Oakland could use a cheeky player like him.

Ben Tate: The obvious choice has been for him to go to Cleveland. I honestly have a worry that he goes to the Giants and can begin a rather good run, no pun intended. He unfortunately didn't have the year he was hoping to have in a contract year, but his whole team blew. I bet he is the first big name guy taken tomorrow.

Darren Sproles: Wow, where does he go now? He really hasn't proven himself over the past two years. Somebody who wants to use him as a third down back and not as a receiver could probably get more use out of him. That could include Houston, Denver. Either way, he's one of those guys people would be wanting on his team, but disappointed at the outcome. He may be the 2014 version of the 2011 Ronnie Brown.

WRs

Jason Avant: He will land somewhere and be productive/a contributor. I just threw him in here because he's my favorite Eagle behind Brian Dawkins and Correll Buckholder. Best of luck, Jason Avant.

 

Kenny Britt: He got arrested 8 times in 18 months. Suspended four games. He has so many bridges burnt to the ground. I love his talent, so hopefully he lands in a spot to showcase his worth. Detroit? Cleveland, New England, Jets, Bills, Washington could all use a receiver of his talent, and Britt could use a fresh start.

Eric Decker: The speculation he goes to the Colts to be the next big thing. I've heard and read him as being one of the guys who will be paid too much and do too little. Debated whether or not he was a good signing. He should go to the Colts, or any other dome team. That's why I can see Decker sneaking onto a team like the Texans

Julian Edelman: A guy who may only be good in the system that made us know his name. I can see some craziness like the Eagles trading Desean and Edelman becoming an Eagle. Or, a team like Detroit and San Diego can use him, and the dash and dash splash of Edelman and Danny Woodhead can thrive. And get halved.

Hakeem Nicks: The consensus is Carolina. But if they want to give up on Steve Smith, why would they take Nicks? Seattle could use him if they lose Sidney Rice and Golden Tate. He won't be asked to do much, and neither was Tate. There you go.

Dexter McCluster: I once had a fantasy team named "The McClusterfucks." Meh. He is whatever. I don't really care. The dude had the chance to make some talent, and he could be gobbled up by a team like New Orleans or Tampa. Even Carolina could use a guy like him, just to be different.

TEs

Scott Chandler: Yeah where's he going. Buffalo would be stupid to let him go. He'll back for two more years in a Bills uniform.

Ed Dickson: He needs to perhaps go somewhere under the radar. Much like he is. I can't really figure out where he could or should go. The Ravens don't need him any more. Does he block? I don't know. He's okay talent at best. Maybe he goes to Miami to fill in for Dustin Keller. Yeah. Why not. Have fun in the sun, with a team that just can't win.

Jermichael Finley: Another guy who should heed the doctor's warning. He had such a cringe-inducing year. His injuries were scary to watch, and if you are human, you felt awful watching him. The more I think about Finley, I believe he needs to follow the Rashard Mendenhall approach. That guy may have just about had it right. That said, he will go somewhere like the Jets or Bills where they will need his skill level at a low cost.

Jimmy Graham: He's franchised, but some teams would possibly desire him enough to give up the proper picks needed to make their team instantly better. He needs to go elsewhere, cause another storm is brewing in New Orleans that will only affect 53 people. I think he stays, but he'd be better off going elsewhere.

OLine

Branden Albert: Now I'm not getting too particular because I don't know enough, but some teams need O-line help, like the Falcons, Dolphins, Colts.

Michael Oher: The Blindside star is now a run of the mill guy, but he could probably go to one of those teams or a team with an established line and be a depth player. Maybe Denver could use his services.

Guy Whimper: I know nothing about him, except his name caught my eye. Guy Whimper. Sounds like a player eligible to play on the Cowboys.

Defense

Jared Allen (DE): A guy who wears the number 69 because he was probably that cool kid in high school who got to pick his number first. Tail end of career, could pump some life and leadership into a defense needing that extra cog. He should go to a team that could use him wisely and preserve him. The Jaguars, Titans, Cardinals, Patriots, Broncos could use a guy like him.

Lamarr Houston (DE): Don't know much about him except hearing analysts say, "How will offensive player X handle Lamar Houston?" Same consequences for Jared Allen, but much younger. I'll take him in Philadelphia, but I don't think that's his style defense. He should go get in the mix in Kansas City as their main players spent too much time in the trainer room.

John Beason (ILB): A guy who made the Giants defense much better last year. He will go to a team that promises him the moon. Brandon Spikes is out in New England, perhaps that's his landing spot.

Karlos Dansby: I don't know. Maybe stick with the Cardinals?

London Fletcher: He belongs in Washington if he wants to be known as the guy of utmost integrity. I hate the Redskins, but have no problem with London Fletcher. Why did I include defensive players?

Brandon Spikes: Yeah I really don't know what more to do say or write about now. He seemingly had some kind of falling out with the Patriots. Maybe go to a team that needs help stopping the run while also rebuilding. Maybe the Titans.

Champ Bailey (CB): Maybe he goes full circle and comes back to Washington. They don't have that first pick in the draft and can get him cheap to be a senior presence in a secondary that blows.

Antonio Cromartie: A bad year can mean the end of your career in the NFL. Belichek hates Rex Ryan, so don't put it past him to pick up Cromartie. Otherwise, Cleveland, Denver, Chicago, Miami, or the Colts could use his services.

Vontae Davis: He's that bug-eyed guy who needed to call his Grandma in Hard Knocks two years ago. I don't care where he goes.

Captain Munnerlyn: Don't know much about him except he held Rob Gronkowski when the Panthers beat the Patriots on Monday Night Football. Whatever, wherever.

Asante Samuel: Brandon always said he looks like a drag queen. To Wong Fu, go fist yourself.

Alterraun Verner: He is one of the reasons the Titans secondary wasn't half bad. He can go to a middling or worse team, maybe one of those teams missing another piece to be a more dominant defense. Maybe Carolina, Rams, or the Lions.

Antoine Bethea (S): He's old, right? I don't know. Maybe he will go to somewhere I don't care about.

Jairus Byrd: The prize safety. I hope the Eagles get him. Although then every idiot who calls into sports radio would continue to call him Jarius. It's Jairus. I hope he is the start of something great. I feel they will screw it up, and Byrd will fly away to more championship ready teams like Denver. He will be going more for wins and little money than being rich and on a sucky team.

James Ihedigbo: Isn't like Chris Kluwe? He wrote to a senator about gay rights, and was asked to stop. He is an okay player, and could be a bridge or bandaid player.

T.J. Ward: The runner up to the Jairus Byrd contest. Just stay in Cleveland, dude. Your defense kept you in games.

Donte Whitner. Hitner! Supposedly the Niners want to keep him there. I would take him, but he isn't getting younger.

Special Guys

Devin Hester: I will never forget the first play of the Super Bowl he was in and took the first one all the way. I would love him on the Eagles, especially if it is true Desean Jackson may be traded. the Bills could use him to since they will be losing Byrd.

Phil Dawson (K): He replaced Akers, and I'm sure he's not the reason why they lost the NFC title game. He should stay. If he leaves, that opens the door for Billy "I suck the life out of life" Cundiff.

Adam Vinatieri (K): Just stay the course man. You get 10 games in a dome next year. Every kicker's dream.

Steven Hauschka (K): Don't take a lot of money. Just stay. You're on the Super Bowl Championship winning team. Why leave? They didn't win because of you or in spite of you.

Donnie Jones (P): I just hope the Eagles keep him. He was the best punter since Sav Rocca.

Sav Rocca (P): Please come back to the Eagles.

Whew. That was long. I'm all fagged out.

Best of luck, Jason Avant. Thanks for the memories.

The Complaint Dubartment

Catchy name, no? If you said no, I think that means a yes. I'm no grammarian, nor am I a Gregorian. I don't know what either of those means. I'm barely a writer (anymore at least). It has been hard blogging lately. I am getting fully fulfilled at my job, and having one of those careers where I come home and just want to relax. In the past it was much easier to be bored at my job, and topics to blog about would come in and out of my head. I would have 5 draft blogs at a time on deck.

 

But now it is a Friday night. My life now (and for almost half a decade now) has involved a family I stumbled into. I love my fiancé Kim and my son Rocco. Call him my step son if you want, but he is my son. I'm a short man who very few people physically have to look up to, but when you got a youngster who looks up and admires you because you give your all to show him a good life, well, it's rewarding, even if he drives us bonkers at times.

 

I recently got engaged, the day after Valentine's Day. I find Martin Luther King Day as important as Valentine's Day, so I tried to split the difference. We have an appointment tomorrow to get a 3D ultrasound of our future son. I'm excited to see even more features, as I have only been able to see through his features up to this point. I want to see his fingers, his toes, his eyes, his moves. I hope he is doing "the Carlton" in the womb. It feels like it sometimes.

 

So, based on the title of this entry, you must be wondering what I have to complain about? It is little things. Trivial things. Not everything in my life has been all bacon and peanut butter cups (fat guy lingo for rainbows and unicorns). I have had low lows and am still experience higher highs. Life is fascinating, and as I enter the wrong side of 30 I realize several things that either rapidly anger me or just have me shaking my head.

 

Recently on Facebook, I did a purge. I joked in a status that for Lent I gave up 40 friends. It was kind of more like 25, but whatevs. The basis of my eliminations had several aspects. Some people had several negative check marks, some had one. One time last year or the year before, I dropped somebody because they were posting about how outraged she was that the government kept evidence of mermaids from the public that Animal Planet was exposing. Yeah, the home of the Puppy Bowl has an anti-government exclusive. I liked the mockumentary, the theories are kind of legit, but the proof was mentally challenged. And so were those who bought it, hook line and sinker. The rest of my Facebook friends eliminations included people who I really do not care about. I don't hate anybody, but I also don't care about several. I care about people in general, but I don't HAVE to care about you because you used to be a jock in high school. If I don't care that your kids are "crazy" or "just too funny" or if everything that you said made you "Laugh my fucking ass off", then you were eliminated. Some people I know can actually truly put LOL after they declare something. Dave Bell, everything he says has a chuckle at the end of it. Some of the remaining friends put they are "lmfao" but they only stick around due to my respect for others. Also, when your dog is the highlight of your life, I would rather read a book about how to cut off my own genitalia. I think they call that a Bobbitography.

 

I want to complain about people who say they will get work done for me, and I emphasize the deadline, and then I hear them laughing about town. They tell me they know how important the report is or the files are that I need, but nowhere near as important as how delicious the Tostinos (r) Pizza Rolls were you just ate. (This portion of the blog is NOT brought to you by Tostinos (R) Pizza Rolls, but rather leftover pasta and meat sauce I have integrated with bits of the finest string cheese).

 

Kim loves American Idol. I don't care what she likes on TV, because come football season I have dibs, and she has no complaints. So I often watch it with her. I often spend that time cruising the internet, checking my blog stats and freaking out about how I have so many fewer readers these days, or reading a book about becoming a father (of a baby, not the boy I already have). So the one kid gets the opportunity in the auditions to sing for the judges on the TV programme. He was mediocre for karaoke and was told no. He collapsed outside in front of a tiny Ryan Seacrest and declared it was the worst day ever. Earlier that morning I was walking through the woods at work and I stepped on one vine that pulled a thorn branch down that stuck me in my eyelid. That branch, I would later learn, was covered in the stalk of a poison ivy bush, and I proceeded to develop a rash from my head, across my eye, down and in my nose, and into the wet part of my inner lip. Yeah dude, you had the worst day ever.

 

People who legitimately think baseball is the greatest game ever. There's reasons I like football, and I won't argue why it's better. I will make my case for what I love about it. But that doesn't mean I won't put down the obsession some people have over players who have sewed on buttons on their uniform shirts and wear pants with pockets and belt loops. It is an impressive feat to hit a homerun. I mean several people were in awe when I hit one in softball a couple years back. Yeah, I did it. I'm like a Mighty Casey, but not mighty. I'm the Mousey Casey.

 

The other basis for this complaint forum comes from the other day when I was driving home after a long day of going to the office, driving to a meeting, driving back to the office, working some more hours, leaving 20 minutes late, almost 2 hours to get home from the office. I finally get to the second to last turn I have to make. It is seriously like a 2-house long road before I turn again to my street. And there's a car parked on the right side, my side. No problem. That's normal. there was one pickup truck pulled over to the left, facing me. And then in front of me were brake lights. Attached to a car. Parked between the pickup truck and the parked car, talking to the driver. I get if you need 10 seconds to end your conversation. But when you carry it on to the point I am a minute in and about to yell "I just want to go home, asshole," well, that is something that....

 

 

 

The fact I had my window rolled down about to ask you to move, and I hear you say, "Well, I guess this dick doesn't want us to talk anymore," that made you 95% likely to be a deuschebag. So, he speeds up, turns left. I drive like normal, make my last turn, pull in the driveway and I'm home. I walk around my car to get my items out of the passenger seat and this cro-magnon level slow adult drives by my house, stares me down. Oooooooh. You scared me. I'm a dad, dummy. You probably are too. You also probably tailgate your son's tee ball game.

 

I am also sick of "Throwback Thursday." It is neat if you do that once in a while. But every Thursday? People are throwing back as far as 2008. Sorry, but unless you're 12 years old, that's not a major part of your life. I'd like to see my grandmother's Throwback Thursday with a picture that was taken in Sepia filter because that's all there was back then. Throw yourself back off my Facebook friends list.

 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you come full circle. Starting point, end point, transitions, pictures, John Wayne Bobbit jokes.

 

So, when will my next blog be? Will I actually take time to write anything? Well, FAT Tuesday is coming up, and for my longest running feature I look forward to previewing what I think will happen when the NFL free agency period begins. Also, I will try to get a recap of the birth of my son, any exciting fishing flops, and anything significant that happens to me that isn't football related. Thanks for reading.