Party Review - Baby Friend's 2 Years Old!

Well folks, another month, another friggin' birthday party. It is just a warm up to the months of March through July where everybody I know was born. EVERYBODY. Way to go, parents. Why does nobody consider how feel about these things?

Anywho, Yesterday was the birthday of my best baby friend - Starling Winter Barrett. Without further aduba, I present to you the

The Starling Barrett Second Annual Grand Invitational

Location: Mandon Barretts House in Dirty Shade, New Jersey.

Time: Despite the invitation saying 6 p.m. to 4 a.m., we arrived early at 4 p.m. I instantly noticed that nobody else was there. Kim starts to get a case of steam out the ears as she tells me she was really hungry. At this point we see Brandon walk out of the house. She tells me to say hi to him but I stay perfectly still - like avoiding eye contact with a mountain lion while lost on a, uh, mountain. We eventually hit up the mall and returned at 6:08. Plenty of people were there then. However, parking was ample.

Arts and Crafts - Despite the first party of the year having arts and crafts, the party hosts clearly missed this opportunity to capitalize on such an activity's popularity. Zero points were awarded for this category.

Fake Kitchen Toys Review - However, a new category that I considered after the first party of the year, was phenomenally done. Rocco proceeded to make me a fake egg soufle, cupcakes, pizza (although this was a dog toy he insisted on playing with). Well done. Also, the bonus treasure of cold war toys entertained the masses.

Guests - Although they are known to scare children, both Bach and Dach were there, the Barrett family and extended family, Uncle Slade and his girl Misty, Mrs. Landis and Baby AJ, Mr. and Mrs. Puddin' and baby Puddin', Nick, Thea, Jay and Tiff and his kids, a couple other people I don't know and their kids. If I forgot you, that is because you are forgettable. Just kidding. Or am I? Muwhahahahahahahahahahaha

Food - I told Brandon earlier in the week that the doctor ordered me recently to not eat vegetables. So, what does he have sitting on top of his mozzorella cheese? Tomatoes! Oh, you say that is a fruit? Well guess what Einsteins...I cannot eat those either. Regardless, it was delicious. I highly enjoyed the cheesesteak stromboli and chicken. Indeed, it was your best culinary creation. Sorry Mandi, I did not get to try other items due to doctor orders.

Movies in the background - Beauty and the Beast, followed by the Little Mermaid kept Rocco's attention throughout the evening. If you have not noticed, I judge parties on how full I get and how entertained Rocco is.

Room Temperature - Just when I started to feel a little warm, Brandon's internal thermostat kicked in and he turned on thee ceiling fan to cool down the main sittin' room. Excellent use of resources.

Party Parting Bag - Meh. Mostly kid toys. Not enough consideration of the adults in said party bag. Only one peanut butter cup? For shame. I had to lie to Rocco that there was not a peanut butter cup in there to begin with! Thanks for making me a liar, guys.

All in all, I will give this party a 9.5 out of 10. Nothing is ever perfect, so do not get offended. If the party was down the street and in September, maybe that would be a different story. However, I consider the Barretts a second family and thus they treat me as their own. I am proud to be Starling's Uncle DuDu. I know I will always get a good meal at Mandon's house, be entertained, and all around have a good time.

So, there was a lot of sarcasm in there and this review was all in good fun. I love getting together with my friends and bringing my family along with me. Thanks for the good times, Mandi and Brandon.

Duba, out!

In Soviet Russia, Duba Blogs YOU!

ДОБРО ПОЖАЛОВАТЬ РОССИЙСКИХ ДРУЗЕЙ!

That is supposedly Russian for, "Welcome Russians!" Why am I welcoming Russians? Well, in just one day, I tripled my number of readers in Russia from 1 to 3. Why not celebrate my second biggest audience once in a while (and my third audience has a long way to go to catch up). Do you know who is the third largest audience? Answer at the bottom...

So, I looked up some things about Russia that maybe you did not know already, like that 10 percent of the Government's tax revenue is from vodka sales. There was a beard tax during the reign of Peter the Great. They also blow out candles on the birthday pie, replacing the highly overrated cake.

I would love to one day see Russia. The cities that they show us over hear look unique and beautiful. And your pristine wilderness looks amazing too. Can you believe Rocky IV tried to pass off the state of Wyoming as Russia? Not cool.

I do however have to worry about coming to Russia. Will my son have more toys to play with than these?

I had one really good Russian friend for a while. I cannot remember his last name right now, but I called him Johnny Y. He always wore button up shirts and polo shirts with the top button closed. Is this normal for Russians? Johnny Y also moved to the U.S. around the end of the Cold War. He said that life was actually better in Russia for his parents. They were more successful, but less healthy (as substituting rubbing alcohol for Vodka probably did not help). His parents brought him over here, and he turned out relatively successful while his parents were okay.

My next closest Russian friend was Alex from the Ukraine while I was in the Coast Guard Academy. I know thats not Russia, you sly Russians! I am just saying he was the next closest thing to Russia I ever experienced. Probably more so than Johnny Y, in hindsight. I met Alex in 1999, spent half of my Coast Guard summer training dorming with him and a whole semester as his dorm mate, too. He sweat a lot in the winter months in Connecticut as it still was warm compared to his motherland. His favorite singer was the white rapper Snow, and his hit "Informer" was his favorite at the time. He was a great room mate and a great friend.

So, once again, I would like to welcome my Russian readers. Good morning to you all.

Oh, and my third biggest audience...You guessed it, Frank Stallone!

Just kidding. It is actually Germany. I only have one German reader though. Let us hope this number grows in the future as we all know that if it is one things Germans love is to follow somebody!