Goooood Morning Vietnaaaaaaam

Well folks, I have not posted anything for a couple days, but I was thrilled to see that Duba has readers in Vietnam! That's right, Russia, I IINVADED Vietnam successfully. You weak bastards.

So, what is new in my world? Well, in two weeks, Kim, Rocco and I will be moving out to our own apartment. We will only be about literally 4 minutes from where we live now. We are heading to a second floor apartment with a decent amount of space, all rooms have ceiling fans, and there is a wooden balcony reminiscent of the old deck I used to have at my parents house (only sturdier). It has a one car garage and a drive way, two things that seem rare in Drexel Hill, PA. We also really only have bedroom furniture, but fortunately Craigslist has everything we could ever need. So, if you want to help me move, feel free to give me a buzz (only if you actually know me though as I do not need some creepy weirdo showing up ready to move me....to an early grave).

In Duba sporting news, I have been thrust into a head coaching position in the Drexel Hill Little League for Rocco's T Ball team. I would have preferred being an assistant coach, as the two practices I have scheduled thus far, I was late. My work can be time consuming when I am in the field, and both of those days were victims of field work. I think I have a decent grasp of it all. The families in the DHLL program all seem to take it very seriously, like baseball is life. However, at least my T ball kids and family seem to really enjoy being there just because. One of the girls on my team was trying to learn how to hit the other night. She did good her first turn, but struggled in the second attempt. Her maybe 7-8 year old brother was off to the side watching her and constantly teasing her. Typical older brother younger sister stuff. I knelt down to her and asked her if that was her brother and if she was upset. She said yes to both. I told her to imagine the ball was her brother's face every time she swung the bat. BOOM! Success. Now I hope next practice her brother does not show up with a black eye or stitches.

I decided against the weight loss contest. I just do not know about my stomach health. The doctor has not called me back yet, which may be a good sign. Yet, the other night, I had spinach pasta with spinach sprinkled all over it, and I felt terrible, like I did two months ago when my sickness was at its worst. Very frustrating that I cannot even get a hold of a human being at the doctor's. Maybe today.

Therefore, without entering the weight loss contest, Operation Looking Good has hit a snag. I want to maintain my strength level while dropping some pounds, and perhaps shape up this pile of molding clay that is my stomach. Luckily I can apply the weight loss and fitness principles I learned last year, just not to an extreme.

What I watch since football is still not on TV - Game of Thrones - this show is so good. I rarely get behind anything that is episodic television as it is tough for me to care. This show has been off the air for a long time and the second season just started. The violence, the story, the acting, the random sex, and an actual intrigue, in my opinion, of a story where I have no idea what is going to happen.

Family Guy - I can watch it any time, any where, any place. I spent so much time while I was in a dark place laughing through it with this show. It did wonders for me, as did the movie Hot Rod.

Tosh.0 - I can watch any episode of this as well. RCN Cable has a weird on-demand selection for this show, but I can watch any episode. Tosh is hilarious, and that is enough said.

Eastbound and Down - Kenny Fucking Powers. He is the greatest TV character in a long time. I do not care if season three is weirder than season 2, which was weirder than season 3. You do not watch this show for the story line. You watch it for the crazy dialog. And this season has been jacked with great one liners and insults.

The New Girl - This show is hilarious and I try to tell a lot of people about it, but still America will not listen. The girl (I won't even try to spell her name without looking at it) is OK looking, I do not see where everybody thinks she is so crazy hot. The best new character on TV is her roommate Schmitt. He is such a vein d-bag and is the highlight of every episode, hands down.

I watch Big Rich Texas with Kim. It is okay though...football, my TV savior, will be on soon enough.

Stay tuned soon as I review the interstates and US highways I frequently travel. FUN TIMES!

The Car of the Future, Future Accidents Waiting to Happen

So, first check out this article...

Somehow Google Thinks Blind People Should Drive.

Read the comments, I think there are some good ones in there (even a little nugget from me).

I believe this is a terrible idea. This irritates me to no end, actually. It is not like an argument of rights like giving women the right to vote, gay people the right to marriage, or black people basic human rights. We were always taught that driving is a privilige, not a right. Part of the requirements when you get a license is to take an eye exam. That right there should prevent this from happening.

Now, I am not heartless. I could never understand what it is like to run through life with any disability. I could not ever imagine losing one of my senses. However, just because it is a sad situation does not mean that this type of disability should be allowed to operate a car. This concept really scares me. Maybe the Machines will rise soon, after all.

I don't know. If I was blind, I don't think I should drive a car.

Who Are The Ad Wizards Who Came Up With This One?

Ok. So I drove past an audio/video specialist installer retailer company van on Route 70 this afternoon. This picture was on the side of the van. The back of the van had a picture of a woman with a remote control (I know I know, Russia - why wasn't she holding an iron instead, right) with the greatest look of glee on her face. She was almost in ecstasy. I got that picture. She is so stunned by the quality of her home theater now that she nears climax with the click of a remote. We have all been there.
So, what do three multicultural kids have to do with it? It isn't like they are doing anything related to their tv. Maybe they are listening to some stunning music from the fresh beat band or them Wiggles guys? You can't see the music and that's a scientific fact. The kids seem to be having a nice game of "popcorn monster" going on. Otherwise, I am completely flabbergasted about the relevance of the picture to what they are selling.
Whenever I see a superfluous use of kids in ads I always find it a little creepy (I know I know, Russia-why are these kids not knitting babushkas in a factory somewhere?). It is not even a kid product - like a video game or a movie like Riki Tiki Tavi playing - displayed on that TV. Are they trying to attract the pedophile market? I appreciate wanting to understand your demographic, but don't be that blatant.
That's all for now. Just wanted to test out my email blogging capabilities.

GLOBAL DOMINATION!

After I posted my last blog, I just saw that I have now entered South America! Welcome Brazil! You guys got NUTHIN' on my second home country - Russia. If you want that honor, spread the word!
-Jim Duba

Rocks Papers Scissors Contest - I Have a Good Friend Named Puddin'

Well folks, at the beginning of the month I put up a post on my regular Facebook page (just regular ol' Jim Duba) that asked people to participate in a "Rock Paper Scissors" contest. The loser would be humiliated, a tie would produce my fortune for that person, and a win would result in heaps of praise.

Mandi Lynne Barrett

I had struggled mightily with what my selection is. I think people would see me as a rock kind of guy, so I tried to mix it up and decided on paper. Mandi Lynne Barrett was the first brave soul to throw down - her choice? Paper.

Mandi is a friend who married my other great friend Brandon at the point of a shotgun. But that is her past. Let us get to her future...

She is an amazing cook who produces some of the most unique tastes in my mouth, and her hand in the great General Tso's Pizza meal will go down as an all time favorite. However, after years of visiting Brandon and Mandi at their home in Maple Shade, I noticed she has a strong affinity for dogs. So much so that she had (and maybe still does) a daily pop-up calendar called "Stuff on my Mutt." It resulted in several hilarious pictures of dogs, large and small, fat and starving, in costume garb. Therefore, I think that Mandi will one day on an animal rescue shelter. Perhaps specifically a shelter for dogs, but I cannot imagine her limiting herself to that. This is not any other shelter. It will be a rescue shelter for those dogs who do NOT get dressed in costumes by their owner. Perhaps it could even be a reality show where Mandi has a side business in the shelter of getting dogs adopted - but they come in costumes - and Mandi teaches owners about decorating their animals or provides a service that dresses up dogs for special occasions. I think I have seen her rat terrier as a lobster before and it was pretty hilarious. She could call the show "Pimp my hide," "Dolling Up Doggy," "Mandi's Mutt House." Maybe you could open up Brandon's bakery ("Brandough") next door.

Joseph Nardone

Joe, who is my lovely girlfriend's older brother, unfortunately threw rock. Therefore, he lost, and this contest totally backfired. You see, Joe is a war hero, and has two great kids that Kim absolutely adores. I like them, too, as they are really cute and seem to like me. I was deeply bothered by Joe's tossing of the rock. With this blog, I know I am kind of like Spiderman (or perhaps more like Ant Man) - with great power comes great responsibility. I mean, all over the WORLD, people will know Joe as whatever I label him as. And as somebody who has raised our nation's flag across that world, I was conflicted and even thought of voiding the contest. But that is not my style.

 I asked Kim what I could say about her brother that would not put a rift in the family or embarrass one of our nation's finest. She gave me a list of things. I asked her if she should check with her brother on some of them, and she figured that if she thought she should have to check, I probably should not write it. Oh boy, what now? If it was one of my other friends I could rattle off a story from the top of my head that would serve as embarrassment. This, however, had to be played differently.

The last time I saw Joe was a couple weeks ago I think at his father (also named Joe) birthday party. I would not reveal the results as nobody had yet thrown scissors. The family was all their - Joe and his kids, Kim and Prince Rocco, Grandma and Grandpa Nardone, and assorted aunts uncles and cousins. Grandma Nardone was absolutely key in the story I shall tell.

I think Joe come to the house directly from his monthly drill session. He was relaxing with his kids after we all stuffed ourselves with what seemed like acres of food. Joe and I are just shooting the breeze. All of a sudden, Grandma Nardone comes by and interrupts us to ask how Joe was and before he could answer she asks him, "So does the military make you cut you hair like that?" Joe kind of laughed it off and said it was his choice, and he got up to check on his kids or to mingle. As he left, Grandma Nardone whispered, "Poor thing." She then proceeded to tell me that my hair cut was way better (but little did she know that my hair one time looked very much like Joe's, but alas I know my current look will always be my best option - I can't polish a turd).

Joe, for the record, your haircut is fine.

New Buddy Mike aka Puddin' aka Michael Lawrence

You know why Mike is a good man? When I declared on Facebook that I needed somebody to scissor me, he was the first to respond. He knew the innuendo I was insinuating when I announced that and he took the chance anyway - knowing that he would be the one to agree to "scissoring" me as well as having an uncertain future. I have known him for a couple of years, met him actually right before he got married to lovely Victoria. The two are now joined as an amazing little (literally) family with their newest addition Connor as well as mainstays - their two dogs (I know one is named Pepper).

So, when I think back on Puddin', what do I like most about him? First of all, we are the same size. It is always nice to have someone of my same ilk with me when I am out and about. It is relieving sometimes to look over at somebody else who is not five years old and ask, "Can you reach that?" - knowing that they can't, either. Second, the fact that he has embraced the name "Puddin'" for years. I believe the origin of the name was when Brandon or perhaps Ed declared that he was the softest looking white dude we ever met or softest pile of white stuff we ever saw. I am not sure. I will not post his picture out of respect to him and my viewers, but if I could compare him to one celebrity, it would be the pie f-er from American Pie:

Maybe that's what Mike looked like a few years back, back when he was known simply as "New Buddy Mike." I will never forget, maybe a couple weeks before his wedding, Mike and I having a conversation about marriage one night at the Coast Line. Indeed, the most reflective of locales. I had hit some major bumps in my marriage that eventually led to an ending, but at least I was able to be honest on my views of what didn't work, why I think it didn't work, and what I would hope for myself and my friends in the future. After hearing out Mike, I knew he loved his then-future wife and he was ready for that huge leap. I was happy for him.

Mike has been a great father from what I have seen, too. He always makes sure he has put his sons cage away before guests arrive. Just kidding there. He ALWAYS leaves it out. Again, I kid. It has always been a feel-good moment for me when I see that some of my closest friends and family and Joe "Grandma Don't Like My Haircut" Nardone have a kid(s), and see that kid(s) look up to their fathers. Seeing his interaction with his son and Puddin' constantly rooting for Connor at whatever he does indeed warms my heart.

Puddin' is also a good sport. Willing to try things just to be a part of the group and hang with the guys. He allowed us (well most of us, minus me) to stomp all over him in Fantasy Football. I liked Mike so much I decided to let him beat me one week. Yeah, that's it! I LET him beat me!

Anywho, Mike is one of the all-around best guys on the planet. He helped me haul up a two-bedroom apartment's worth of stuff I have not touched in a year into a storage unit far from home. He would always have my back if I was up against a wall. He reassures me that it is okay to be below average height and that WE TOO can succeed. He always asks how I am, with legitimate interest, concern, and good will. Mike, I am thankful to have a friend like you.

You would also make the supreme stunt double for me if my blog was ever turned into a movie.

Thanks for reading this. New contest coming soon to get a blog post written about yourself.