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Apr 27, 2012

Coast to Coast, North to South, Everybody Wants To Hear (read) What Comes Out Of My Mouth!

So, with the NFL Draft Live Blogging experiment over, I declared my love for my girlfriend who is celebrating her birthday today (as she told me it was the "champagne" birthday - 27 years old on the 27th). Other interesting 27 facts - Today we have been together for 1,027 days. Kim called me on her way in to work at 8:27 a.m. All coincidences I'm sure, but I know the signs are pointing to me spending exactly $27 on dinner tonight.


Apparently my love declaration has resulted in my blog finally being read in Mexico. Thus, ALL of North America has seen Duba, from sea to shining sea. From the tropics to the jungles to the deserts to the tundra. If my arms were longer, I would pat myself on the back.


Also Poland has joined the fray. Polish readers, I do not post Polish jokes, but I will joke about shoe polish (this joke is terrible and the website name made me laugh). I did a report in high school on Lech Walesa, and he certainly was a brave leader from what I recall. I think that report made me that much more interested in history, especially when I was able to research the personal details of his career and struggles.


What else is new? Well, I am hoping to post some time this weekend a Summer Movie Dublockbuster Preview where I will review movies I have not seen yet, a review of something about professional wrestling (Russia will be represented with Nikolai Volkoff and Poland by the Polish Hammer - but not Ivan Putski, but rather his lame son Scott Putski), plus a tribute to the late, great career of the greatest Philadelphia Eagle - Brian Dawkins.


Anybody else have any thougths? Anybody like the live blog? How about if you read it right now (might not make sense though). It was tough to pull off, I would admit. The most difficult part was responding to comments and Facebook posts. Like our border with Mexico, I am always open (to suggestions, that is).

Happy Birthday, Kim

Even though she does not read my blog much, and I am okay with that, I really wanted to take this time to wish the most special of women a very special Happy Birthday. Her beauty grows every year, and I love her more and more every day. She has undoubtedly changed my life for the much better, and everybody I know knows how happy I am in my life with her. She put up a decal in our old bedroom that read "A true love story never ends." Even though we left that room behind, the story still goes on. Kim has been an uncomparable partner in my life, my support, my friend, my inspiration, my muse, my heart.

I have never in my life met somebody who could make me laugh, smile, and blush. Comfort me and force me to face hard truths at other times. She sees my faults as things I need to improve upon with her help. She accepts all that I have in the soul of this short man. All she asks is that I do my best, and that is the easiest part since she brings that out of me.

You have allowed me in your life to share it as a parent with you. You continue to be the model of discipline, sacrifice, and support I wish I was as a parent. I am blessed to have you and the wonderful extension of you that is your son. Our family has made my life perfect and worth anything and everything I have ever been through.

My darling, you are 27 years beautiful. Kim, I love you dearly...Happy Birthday!

Apr 26, 2012

Duba Live Blogs the NFL Draft!

REFRESH OFTEN, YOU UNFRESH EUROPEANS!!!! It is once again time for American sports to show Supremacy



Get'cha popcorn ready
                                        - Terrell Owens

That's right folks. We are just 4.5 hours away from the first round of the NFL Draft 2012! The wait is finally over and we get to see what new offensive lineman the Eagles will pick this year. Hopefully not the case, but only time will tell. I did a mock draft at Predict the Pick and am vying for my chance to win a trip to the Superbowl. Admittedly, I know barely anything about the NFL apparently and even less about the incoming draftees. However, I tried my best at the draft order as it stands now. I will list it below, then offer up my live draft thoughts starting at 8:00 p.m., EST. Won't you join me?!

Below is the current draft order with all my picks in bold. I will try to update my blog/picks which you will be able to follow in regular old italic type.

LIVE BLOG:
7:11-Just learned the Browns flopped with Vikings for their 4th Overall and their 3rd rounder. Justin Blackmon, you better do something really stupid in the Browns' eyes within the next 45 minutes. Actually, I think my first four picks are still safe. 


7:20: Correction, Fourth overall, a fourth fifth and seventh rounder I believe? Way to Redskin it up, Cleveland. 


7:49: Deion Sanders was just acting as an on-stage correspondent. Please check out his first ever hosting duty.

8:00: It Begins! Who's with me???
First Round

1. Colts - Andrew "Just My" Luck
Live Blog - Alright...this whole build-up introduction is already too long. We could have had the first three picks done by now. Wow. Goodell is not liked at ALL. I really don't get this on the phone BS right now. Did they seriously just have to decide? Couldn't Jim Irsay just be standing right off the stage? 


And just like that, 1 out of 1 correct. Duba rules. 


And RG3 chants during Andrew Luck's biggest moment. Don't worry Washington, you'll get your 10 minutes of glory

2. Redskins - Robert Griffin "The" III
Live Blog - I think if the NFL hadn't tried to play up some kind of thought struggle for the Colts to choose between Luck and RG3 and pollute their broadcasts with it, both QBs would have had great ovations. 


Hey RG3, meet Trent Cole and his good friend Jason Babin. Go away Cullen Jenkins, you can't split a quarterback sack 3 ways!

3. Vikings - Justin "Anybody but the Browns" Blackmon
Live Blog - Well hopefully the trade doesn't screw up my picks. Technically, Baby Daddy Trent Richardson was still picked by the Browns. Duba - 3 for 3

4. Browns - Trent "Well I'm F*cked" Richardson
Live Blog - And now is where I lose. Leslie Frazier put down this position and then spends the 4th overall on it? Oh well 3 for 4

5. Buccaneers - Matt "Stupid Vikings Don't Like Left Tackles" Kalil
Live Blog -Pandemonium. Jacksonville got the pick and went with Blackmon. Again, I know very little about the draft. And the worst part is, DALLAS is next!

6. Rams - Morris "Elizabeth" Claiborne
Live Blog - Best part of the Cowboys' selection is the "Cowboys suck" chant. Morris Claiborne, I wish you had a choice. I guess getting three right while not knowing shit about college players

7. Jaguars - Riley "Call Me Ri-Re" Reiff
Live Blog - Wow. Mark Barron. I thought we might see you this year, just not while playing AGAINST the Eagles. Too many trades for me to know anything now that's going on

8. Dolphins - Ryan "Odd Man Out/Cheese Touch" Tannehill
Live Blog - The realization here right now - the Rams will have a series of mid-range players for the next couple years


CHEESE TOUCH Tannehill. Also, did anybody else just hear the "What?!" chant? 


The crowd sucks. This kid hasn't done one thing on the field and gets his ass chewed out by New Yorkers beause they know this guy will be better than Mark Sanchez

9. Panthers - Michael "Meat" Brockers
Live Blog - Ugh. Luke the Kook. This draft has had quite a few surprises. I don't know SHIT about Crap. 

10. Bills - Luke "Kook" Kuechly
Live Blog - I guess since Kuechly was my number 9 overall, I wasn't too far off. However I did not anticipate so many defensive backs coming out. 

11. Chiefs - Melvin "Elfen" Ingram
Live Blog - Oh no Poe. I wanted him. Here are the Eagles. The Eagles need Cox. Next round, Balls. 

12. Seahawks - Quinton "Missing a 'u'" Coples
Live Blog - Why wouldn't the Eagles trade that Asante Samuel fella for a higher draft pick, and then perhaps they couldve moved up elsewhere. Them giving up 2 extra picks in the rounds that Andy typically loves, it is a move of panic that the Eagles moved up just three spots. Did I say panic? I meant "all in". 


Let's add some more black cox to the eagles!

13. Cardinals - Mark "The Red" Barron
Live Blog - Wow really good pickup for the Cardinals. Michael Floyd, you better listen to everything Larry Fitzgerald says to you. You could be the Cardinals' next Anquan Boldin. And that is a good thing. I will be rooting for this kid. 

14. Cowboys - David "Of Dictator" DeCastro
Live Blog - And the Rams finally picked. And I already forgot who they picked. 

15. Eagles - Dontari "I cannot Believe John Cusak Is Going to be Edgar Allen" Poe
Live Blog - And the Seahawks get Bruce Irvin, who looks like an evil rooster. Mike Mayock, when he isn't all lispy, is pretty good at selling draft prospects strengths and weaknesses.


Anybody else see that Giants fan in the Manning jersey dancing in front of the Jets fans?? That was almost as good as the random cigarette smoking guy walking around the Superbowl earlier this year with his mullet out.

16. Jets - Michael "Michael BoBicycle" Floyd
Live Blog - Wow Jets fans, nothing...NOTHING would have made you happy there even if they drafted a giant set of boobs.

17. Bengals - Janoris "Who Named Me" Jenkins
Live Blog - You forgot about Dre? How dare you! I think that the experienced guy plus Dre Kirkpatrick and what I can assume will be another defensive player, the Bengals can make a little bigger splash than last year. 


How much longer until Mike Mayock felatiates somebody?

18. Chargers - Fletcher "Gap Penetrating" Cox
Live Blog - What the Hell did Deion and Dre just say to each other? I bet chargers go offense, since we stole their Cox


Melvin Ingram...I could have enjoyed him as an Eagle I guess the Eagles know better than I. 


Watching Roger Goodell do the black man handshake was awkward. Ingram, when you get fined thousands of dollars, be sure to give him that handshake when you hand over the check because you beened Kevin Boss in the cranium. 

19. Bears - Courtney "What's" Upshaw
Live Blog - Shea McClellin...looks like a weaker cousin of Brian Urlacher. Honestly, he looks like a two year project. 

20. Titans - Kendall "Not Wendall" Wright
Live Blog - 


Looks like the Patriots just realized that they are missing out on all the defensive players


You know, these commercial breaks for this spectacle of a show is getting a little long winded. 


Holy SHIT! I got another one right! Or should I say Wright?? Kendall Wright better hope Kenny Britt comes back full strength

21. Bengals - Cordy "But I haven't Been Arrested Yet, Bengals" Glenn
Live Blog - Patriots coming up now. Cannot say I know who this will be, but I bet it is a pass rusher...
Chandler Bing Jones! Now I do't know, but I think having the Patriots pick him 10 spots later should still count towards my mock, right?

22. Browns - Andre "The Giant Olive" Branch
Live Blog - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA


Brandon Weeden, it is not that I think poorly of you. I just think poorly of your new team. I guess they needed to find a good back up for Colt McCoy, just not one that will retire before the current starter does.


And the self-serving NFL Troop Appreciation segment. Causing yet another commercial. I respect any troop of any variety, active duty, currently fighting, commanders, ensigns, retirees...I just think it should have been done in the beginning of the show, with the National Anthem, and this show could finish sooner. Yes, ,I know that in prime time commercials are needed. Do not worry, Disney, I will be seeing the Avengers.,

23. Lions - Jerel "What's That Smell" Worthy
Live Blog - Ri-Re is roing ro rhe rions. This will be the year of the young receiver in Detroit, and Megatron will be ok. 

24. Steelers - Jonathan "My Favorite" Martin
Live Blog - Wow...DeCastro. Mike Mayock just said he may struggle with size. However, Mike Mayock can accommodate all sizes. Mayock also said he was "nipple" footed

25. Broncos - Mike "Most Regular Name in the 2012 NFL Draft" Adams
Live Blog - I wonder if the Patriots have some big weekend BBQ to get to Saturday as they have no picks after tomorrow. 


Huh. That guy's name is pronounced just as it appears. I think you need a half second pause at least between "Dont" and "A". 

26. Texans - Peter "In The" Konz (His name sounds like Peter Cuntz)
Live Blog - And the coolest last name goes to this guy. Mercilus. 


Holy crap did I just see a black berry?


Mike Mayock sounding like Sylvester the cat. Sufferinpffft Succatashpfffft


If you are going to a "Moments ago" for Whitney Mercilus' reaction via Skype, you had plenty of time to cut away from that poor woman spreading her legs on national TV. 

27. Patriots - Devon Still "Won't Leave"
Live Blog - Sorry, could somebody remind me what other night besides Monday and Sunday that football would be on? I can't recall. 


I think that boy Kevin Zeitler is going to make a great difference, or more like just an improvement for the up and coming Bengals. Cincinnati Bengals - "we don't take criminals anymore" are on the move. 

28. Packers - Lamar "'s Mom Goes Far" Miller
Live Blog - Does this mean that the Packers might be able to stop somebody now? Nick Perry looks like a beast. 

29. Ravens - Dont'a "Walka by yourselfa at nighta" Hightower
Live Blog - Looks like the vikings are totally okay with rebuilding last year, this year, and next year. 


Seriously? Another fucking commercial, of the same annoying song? Please put those two annoying bags in the Verizon store, too, please. 

30. 49ers - Stephen "One Tree" Hill
Live Blog - AJ Jenkins - I know you are excited to get drafted in the first round, as you should be. Too bad your teammate is Alex "the anomaly" Smith

31. Patriots - Chandler "Bing" Jones
Live Blog - So this pick is the result of one of what seems like a dozen trades done tonight. 


Wow. Doug Martin. Maybe LeGarrette will punch him


Did Mike Mayock just refer to Doug Martin by saying "AWESOME birth!"?

32. Giants - Whitney "The Girl" Mercilus
Live Blog - FINALLY! I can go to bed soon. NFL Network, the draft prime time special is cool on paper, but your execution is horrendous. 


Come on Giants, do something dumb...


David Wilson. And all the giants fans for one second were shown on the TV looking like they just heard something in Greek. Mike Mayock has just stated that he is a football player. Good for him. 


Good night, blogosphere. Good bye, NFL network commercials, Rich Eisen saying "guys, we have a three hour show here", and poor Whitney Mercilus' relatives' crotch being broadcast to the world. 



Apr 25, 2012

Little Man, Big Weight

Stronger than all!!!!


Ah yes, the late great Pantera. A band that helped me in the gym for countless years. I woke up this morning fully intending to go to the gym, but I had a realization that I will get to in a moment. (after reviewing what I have written so far, SEVERAL moments)

I started working out in High School when I was on the wrestling and track team. My first sole reason for lifting any weight came in 1995. I was 15 and was preparing for a "high adventure" type of trip with the Boy Scouts to Philmont in New Mexico. It was essentially a two week survival trip where we carried everything on our backs. It involved trekking through the rain, up mountains, through forests, and we were in the middle of nowhere guided by only a compass and a map. Needless to say, I had one or two ab muscles show through for the first last and only time in my life.

I carried some of these techniques over to high school sports, but was careful not to pack on too much weight so I would stay in my wrestling weight class. I started at 112 as a freshman, and finished my uneventful wrestling career between 125 and 135 pounds. I must have done something right with at least my knowledge of a sport as I was only one of a few recipients of the 4 year varsity award. I lifted, for fun, for Track, although I only participated in the field events. They tried to get me to run, but I sucked at that worse than I did at wrestling. My coach always told me I was the smallest thrower he ever saw. I made the varsity squad for a couple meets at a time, but all in all it was about having fun. As such, I hold a record (scroll to the last entry on this page).

When I left high school I attended the Coast Guard Academy, and I left that in May 1999 under my own will. When I joined, I was steady at 135 pounds. They weighed us and gave us projections for our weight before we would need a remedial health program. The USCG said that if I reached 175 pounds, a healthier Duba must be made. That summer that I left, I discovered The Bodybuilding Encyclopedia (Ironman). It is the last book I have read from start to finish and still reference it today. Needless to say, by the end of the summer, I was 175 pounds, and far from needing a remedial health program.


That's me earlier in that summer, back when the Duba Shirt (a small) was still a little loose. Needless to say that shirt filled out quite quickly. I took a lot of protein shakes and was up to maybe 3-4 cheeseburgers a day. If I wasn't going to grow vertically, might as well grow muscularly, right?

I could lift any time. I would be hungover, as I probably was after the above picture was taken. I could still go out and lift more than I did the previous week. I worked at a landscaping place chopping wood all day and then lifting all night. Life was sweet.

I had my three summers where I interned up in Reading/Boyertown, Pennsylvania. I joined the local gyms up there and began the "Pyramid". Basically, you start at a weight you can do 15 to 20 reps with, then keep going up in weight doing sets of 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, and sometimes that one maxing out. Once you hit that last one (or 2) rep set, you go down in the weight, doing as many as you can, back down the same increments. It was the most mass-producing, muscle endurance building thing I ever did and still do today (for some body parts).

I met my ex and lost my time at the gym. I tried various times to start back up at a gym, ultimately settling on Bally's. It took years of weight gain and ego smashing to get back in the gym. At one point I was up to the 230-240 range. I substituted water for soda and eventually moderately enjoyed diet soda. I realized that as my life was changing and I was moving on, I was better off hitting up the gym in the wee hours of the morning. You have the most energy and empty stomach at that point in the day. I saw a muscle resurgence, but I had a much different approach.

I suffered several injuries over the years, some from lifting. The worst was when I would pull my abdominal muscles. It would feel like somebody had a firm grip on my balls and was constantly pulling them down. I partially tore my pec muscles, pinched nerves in my back, and worked through bone chips in my elbow. I revisited my lifting book/bible, and learned something extremely valuable.

Focus solely on the muscle you are working on. This sounds easy, but it is so easy to cheat in lifting anymore. Arnold always said whatever muscle he was working, he envisioned it ballooning up to fill up the entire room. Look at this picture:



I have reached a point in my lifting life where I close my eyes and visualize whatever muscle I am targeting actually expanding and contracting during my movements. It was very hard for me to get this down. This is why if you see me in the gym, do not get offended if I don't care your there. I have my headphones on and been listening to the band DevilDriver every day for months now. I know the songs, I have developed a rhythm and mindset that when I get into the gym, I am focused on making my body stronger. I have really been able to listen to my body better as I have gotten older. At 32 years old, I don't see myself being able to bench 400 pounds, but I probably could if I cheated through the exercise. But why risk that and getting hurt when I have otherwise remained healthy for the past couple years at the gym?
I use a mix of machines and free weights. I love doing bent over or T-bar rows, lat pulldowns, smith machine bench/incline bench presses, negative shoulder presses with the smith machine. I do some free weights with my favorites including a straight bar curl, barbell rows, clean and press, close gripped bench press (for triceps and one of my new favorites). I tend to hit the biggest grouping of the muscle first, starting out light and directing my focus to the deep muscle tissues.
That is why I did not go to the gym today. After taking off for a couple weeks (between feeling like I was getting sick, hurting my shoulder at a batting cage, and the move), I went back in on Monday. The first two days at the gym are always Back and Chest day. The next two days will be shoulders and arms. The problem with this routine is that, regardless of focus, these last two groups tend to take some of the strain during the heavier lifts. Once I realize how much I am straining them (shoulders especially), I stop going up in weight. I did my chest workout yesterday - which is always the trickiest one for me after a long absence. I felt decent last night. I felt a little sore this morning - but was it that typical soreness? Yes, however, when preparing my coffee and sandwich for the day, every little move I made highlighted the soreness in my chest. Plus my back is still a little sore from Monday. These are the signs I did not have when I was younger, and a wiser, older me listens to my body. I unfortunately woke up at the taint of dawn, but oh well. At least I do not get off-schedule sleep wise (or lack thereof).
 
 
I am by no means a God at the gym or necessarily the strongest person in the world. Nor do I think I carry myself that way. I like to be a strong fat guy, working towards being a strong stocky guy. I do everything naturally, eating Kashi products (and now Kashi knock-off products) and bologna. I have never felt stronger in my life than I do these days.

Apr 20, 2012

Blog #50! Outrageous Philadelphia Eagles Schedule Evaluation! (a.k.a More Probably Wrong Football Predictions)


What better way to celebrate 50 blogs? I have already gone on and on about my friends' babies' parties, moving, my new home, stupid British movies, Russia, Latvian baby stomping, and highlighted the life of David Bell. Might as well go in depth and look at and examine and go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about my favorite thing other than my family - The Philadelphia Eagles.



Despite not a lot of highlights last season, I got a good a feeling. That feeling, folks, comes at the hands of analyzing the Philadelphia Eagles' 2012 - 2013 schedule. It is certainly not easy by any means for the birds this year, but I have hope. Actually, every year I have hope. Hope at least for an NFC championship game. I do not want that to be their apex, but would be a success and guarantee Andy Reid stays for 5 more years.

A couple months back, the schedule was released amidst questioning of whether or not Andy Reid would be kept on as head coach for the Eagles. A very thinly veiled news conference by owner Jeffrey Lurie simply stated if Andy Reid does not win the Superbowl, he is fired. Before this conference though, people were calling for Andy's head. I was not. I was indifferent, but looking at the 2012-2013 Eagles' opponents, I did not want to have a new coach putting us through the Detroit Lions, Cardinals, NFC South, and AFC North for a miserable season. I think the players who have been there really like Andy Reid, but hopefully they finally decide to show it to him. I really feel like this is the final chapter in the Andy Reid saga in Philadelphia. I predict huge things below, but the Eagles have got to want it. They showed hunger at times last year (and also straight up throwing in the towel), and responded with their backs up against the wall, but it was too little, too late. Getting an actual veteran linebacker from a very nice defense last year was a boost. The rare resigning or contract extensions of key position players I think shows the players that the team is dedicated to them all and would want the same back.

This could also be Vick's last chance in Philadelphia. The 2010 season was not supposed to turn out the way it did. That only raised expectation for an Eagles team that heavily disappointed in 2011. Hopefully, all the cogs are in place, and the fine tuned machine the Eagles were in weeks 13-17 returns. After looking at the schedule and thinking a little more about it, especially after Bounty Gate in New Orleans, I think the NFC is ripe for the taking.

*Please keep in mind that this prediction column assumes no major injuries, Vick finally plays that full 16 (19 actually) games, and nothing catastrophic happens to any current Eagles player.


Week 1 - Eagles at Cleveland Browns
What should be a no brainer will probably turn in to a closer game than it should. Historically, the Eagles do not get off to a great start under Andy Reid. The last time before the last time they played the AFC North, though, they did, finishing 13-3 and going to the Superbowl. The Browns have not changed, and I think after an early struggle of a game, the Eagles smoke them at the end. Eagles 31-17. (1-0)

Week 2: Baltimore Ravens at Eagles
Good. Get these Ravens out of the way first. The last time they met, the infamous "Benching" of Donovan McNabb occurred, and the Eagles went on a huge surge to the NFC title game. The Eagles know they are fairly unsuccessful against other bird teams (having recently lost to the Seahawks, Cardinals, and aforementioned Ravens). I think the ways Baltimore showed they can be exposed during the AFC title game will still be fresh and not addressed by the Ravens. I think Ray Rice is a running back who can be stopped by the Eagles' front 7. Add in the fact a disgruntled Demeco Ryan, upset that his team lost to the Ray Rice-led Ravens in the playoffs, will play extra hard to avenge that loss. Still, that Ravens defense could hurt all our brittle players, but I think Vick makes the most out of Brent Celek...Eagles 14, Ravens 10 (2-0).

Week 3: Eagles at Cardinals
The Angry Birds tour continues as the Eagles look to avenge their scorching loss to the John Skelton led Cardinals last season. I still cannot believe I saw that game in person. Vick should have sat out. I believe the team responds to him. When he is down, so is the rest of the team. Had Vick stepped out and encouraged guys on the sideline, and the run game was utilized more to spell Vince Young, I think the Eagles could have won that game and beaten out the Giants for the playoffs. Such is hindsight. Hopefully the Eagles will have a better answer this time around for Larry Fitzgerald and Beanie Wells. I see this actually being a higher scoring game than it should be, combined with a superstar receiver, Cardinals fans being jacked at their ownership of the Eagles lately, but the fact of the matter remains it is still the more dynamic Eagles offense overcoming the solid effort of the Cardinals. Eagles 30, Cardinals 24. (3-0)

Week 4: New York Giants at Eagles
The last time the Giants won the Superbowl, they went on I believe a 14-2 run. They beat the Eagles in this same spot, making the season look bleak. Alas, in order to finish the season strong, the Eagles got revenge later in the season with the infamous McNabb phone call game in the regular season, followed by a dominating 20-10 win in the divisional round.

Maybe Vick would run to the side and mock kill a puppy. I kid I kid. I actually see the Giants still carrying over their momentum from the post season, and the Eagles have struggled with them at home in recent years. Therefore, as much as it pains me, Giants 28, Eagles 20 (3-1).

Week 5: Eagles at Pittsburgh Steelers
Ugh. Talk about a brutal game after a brutal opponent. The Superbowl year (2004-05) saw McNabb and Owens arguing (more like T.O. laying into McNabb) on the sidelines as they were only able to muster up like 3 points. The following year was a remarkable game that I missed due to a wedding. I remember listening to the game as I had recorded it on my Sirius radio and listened to it all the next day, without any knowledge of what happened. It was one of the best called games ever other than the Miracle at the New Meadowlands (from a Philadelphia broadcast perspective). This is tricky. The Steelers are getting old, but they still hit hard. So does James Harrison, and I have a bad feeling he could knock somebody out in this game. However, the Steelers have been notorious for letting opposing defenses raping the offensive line to take a sack to Big Ben Rapelsberger. I do think the explosiveness of the Eagles' offense can beat that defense, and the pass rush of the Eagles' defense can halt the Steelers offense. Simple game to predict actually, just worried about injuries. Eagles 20, Steelers 10 (4-1)

Week 6: Detroit Lions at Eagles
This is the trap game of the year for them. The Lions could be off to a huge start if Stafford is still healthy. Also, it is not uncommon under Andy Reid for the Eagles to struggle before a bye. The Saints last lit up the Lions, but Detroit tried to stay with them till the end. I think in a shoot-out, Detroit takes it. In a running game, the Eagles will burn the Lions. However, the last time the Lions came to town, the Eagles killed them and made Kevin Curtis look like a star. Then two years ago the Eagles went into Detroit and killed them for 3/4 of the game, only to let them crawl back to make it closer than the rest of the game was. If Detroit does not do much with its secondary and Suh continues undisciplined football, the Eagles could pull it off. Although I don't trust King Dunlap to stop him, but perhaps Demetres Bell will be the Jason Peters lite the Eagles need. No run game for Detroit makes it easier for the Eagles to focus on stopping the explosive pass. I think it would be a true test for Nnamdi. If he can stop Calvin Johnson, then the Eagles will do great things. I just see Juan Castillo allowing his defense to collapse in this game. Sad, sad prediction. What would the Andy Reid era be without 2 miserable weeks pondering about how we lost to the Lions? Detroit 38, Eagles 27 (4-2)

Week 7: Eagles at their Homes, licking their wounds
A week of recovery where every radio host and blogger (minus me) talk about why we lost to the Lions on up to two (2) bonehead plays.

Week 8: Atlanta Falcons at Eagles
The Eagles are 2 and 2 against the Matt Ryan led Falcons. And by this point, I have them 2 and 0 on the Angry Birds revenge tour. Make that 3-0. I think that Atlanta is starting to slide after their dismal playoff showing and what I assume would be a "below-expectations season" thus far. The last time they came to Philadelphia, the Eagles waxed them, not without casualty, though, as Dunta Robinson (one of my all-time scumbag players) killed DeSean Jackson after he had already scored two touchdowns. Ultimately knocking him out of the next couple games, including a loss to the Titans two years ago. Also, under Reid, the Eagles are 13-0 off the bye week. Say what you want, but two weeks to study your opponent and design Falcons-specific formations will lead to a victory. I like streaks. The Undertaker is 20-0 at Wrestlemania, so don't tell me a longer time to prepare is a bad thing. The Eagles will win this, in similar dominating fashion as that of the NY Giants in the playoffs last season. And for a couple weeks we hear national pundits declare Reid a genius while the local guys give him grief for needing two weeks. Eagles 38, Falcons 14 (5-2)

Week 9: Eagles at New Orleans Saints
Talk about another coin flip game. By this point, the Saints' assistant coach Vitt will be back to resume his role as interim head coach. I think the saints may be struggling by this point if player suspensions are handed down in a harsh way. However, New Orleans loves their team and hate Vick. I think that if the Saints have struggled by this point (hard to imagine a team with Drew Brees struggling) then they will have nothing to lose by going guns a blazing on the Eagles. The Eagles will need to show all their heart to beat what I feel will be a desperate team. Unfortunately, this is around the time of the season that the Eagles tend to lose their heart. If Demeco Ryans cannot help control Jimmy Graham, then the Eagles have no chance. HOWEVER, I have a feeling the Saints' season will not go the way their fans would hope and I think everybody will have forgotten what they have said about Drew Brees practically being a coach on the field as even this scenario will be too much for him. Hmmmmm. I cannot imagine Drew Brees losing to Juan Castillo though. However, I never imagined Alex Smith out-dueling Brees, either. I say this could go either way, but because I am a homer, Eagles 30, Saints 27 in OT (6-2)

Week 10: Dallas Cowboys at Eagles
Dallas got waxed the last time they came to Philadelphia and the hype around Demarco Murray died down a little. The Cowboys now have Brandon Carr to help against the speedy receivers, but the rest of their secondary has more holes than _______________(insert hole joke here). I always have an uneasy feeling watching the Eagles take on Dallas, as I think the fans tend to get TOO confident. Who knows, maybe this is the year Tony Romo finally keeps it together for a season? With Laurent Robinson gone, I think you will see Romo have a very bad game, Dez Bryant look mediocre again, and Miles Austin slowly become the pre-Miles Austin Miles Austin again. Not to be one of those too confident Eagles fans, but, c'mon. Eagles 40, Cowboys 21 (7-2)
Week 11: Eagles at Washington Redskins
Ah yes. For 7 whole days we get to hear about the comparisons of RG3 and Vick. Too bad that is about all the Redskin have to compare to the Eagles. I have no faith in the Redskins until they have a first round draft pick again in a couple years. Maybe RG3 will have some heroics in him, but who knows. I certainly could see him being something special for the Redskins, but not at the Eagles' expense. At least not this year. Way Shanahan coaches his team, John Beck may even be the quarterback by the time they meet in week 11. I hope that after a romp of the Cowboys the Eagles do not overlook the 'Skins. I don't think they do, though. Eagles 23, Redskins 13 (8-2)

Week 12: Carolina Panthers at Eagles
Another Monday Night Football meeting with another NFC South Team. The Eagles should feel confident at this point in the season, as they should. I think Michael Vick-Cam Newton comparisons begin again, and the media declares Newton to be what everybody hoped Vick would be. I think this energizes Vick and he makes the Panthers defense look like he did the Redskins defense in that infamous 60 point game on Monday night a couple years back. I do not think this game will be an easy task as I believe the NFC south is to be a toss up between the Saints (should they keep it together) and the Panthers, if not the Panthers outright. I hope Juan Castillo has learned to play against the run (like he eventually learned a few weeks before the end of last season) and remembers how to. My only concern is Andy Reid not allowing much running of the ball, which is a noted weakness in the Panthers' defense. Regardless, I think this game is close and represents a future playoff game. Eagles 28, Panthers 20 (9-2)

Week 13: Eagles at Dallas Cowboys
Hello again, Prime Time TV. Hello angry radio broadcasts in Philadelphia on the following Monday morning. I say this is a game that the Eagles are going to lose. But how they lose, now that is what matters. If it is due to turnovers by the offense, that can be fixed I think through protections and practice. Same thing if a bonehead defensive play results in a go ahead score. I don't accept any losses, but one to the Cowboys in a back and forth game is not the end of the world. A collapse and Tony Romo led comeback could spell doom for the Eagles. It would be absolutely awful if my predictions play out as I have detailed only for them to finish the season struggling to close out games. I think that by this point in the season, Tony Romo knows that he is in a make or break year, Jerry Jones finds a way to light a fire, and the Cowboys beat the Eagles in what I feel should be a very remarkable game. Cowboys 21, Eagles 17 (9-3)

Week 14: Eagles at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Ah the Bucs. A team that thinks it is better than what they truly are. Last relevant when Jeff Garcia was their QB, in my opinion. Josh Freeman showed some potential 2 years ago, and the coaching philosophy changed to a more pass-happy offense thinking he could carry the burden. Hard for a second year guy to do that when he has garbage to throw to. Now the Bucs have gone on a spending spree and have a new coach. New coaches on any level combined with free-agent spending out the wazoo nets you an 8-8 record (see 2011, Eagles). I think the Bucs will spend the week discussing how they are tired of being disrespected by the media and will be looking to take down the charging Eagles. The Bucs will want to play spoiler by this point. I will probably have traded for Vincent Jackson well before this game, get mad at his (lack of) production, and sit him against the Eagles, where he will have his best game of the year. Still, I do not see this year's version of the Eagles losing two games in a row, ever. The Eagles bounce back and completely knock the snot out of Tampa Bay. Eagles 42, Buccaneers 13 (10-3)

Week 15: Cincinnati Bengals at Eagles (TNF)
This is way, way better than last year's TNF game for the Eagles. Last year, after getting gauged by the Patriots, the Eagles flew to Seattle for another thrashing, 4 days later. Yes, they went on a run to try to salvage the season, but too little, too late. The Bengals are slowly becoming a team I am more interested in because I like their style of play. I like Andy Dalton's play last year. They have some good talent on both sides of the ball, but as McNabb would say, they show their youth. This will be a tough game as I am sure the Bengals will be in the hunt all year in the AFC North. The last time they played, it was a tie. As I heard Merrill Riece say on the radio, "If a tie is like kissing your sister, than the Eagles have a very ugly sister." This is a different type of Eagles team that I think is running on all cylinders (like we hoped for last year) - the same team that demolished the Jets, Giants, Dolphins, Redskins, and Cowboys at the end of the year (and YES Giants fans, I consider Vince Young beating your team by a touchdown in their own stadium to be worthy of the term "demolish"). It will probably be a tough game at start, but the Eagles will just prove to be too powerful on both sides of the ball. As if I was not bold enough in having the Eagles going 10-3 to this point and soon 11-3, I will also predict that Brent Celek has the game winning touchdown in a late rally. Eagles 24, Bengals 20 (11-3)

Week 16: Washington Redskins at Eagles
By this point, the NFC is in the Eagles' hands. With Chicago and Green Bay killing each other over the No. 2 and 5 seeds, the Eagles uncharacteristically play with a foot on the throat mentally. RG3 will show some resiliency in this game, and a foreshadowing of things to come, but it will not be enough when Vick is pulled for the game in the third quarter, as at least the Number 2 seed is guaranteed by this point. However, a team far removed from Donovan McNabb wants to be the best for once and walk away with a victory as the Eagles fans rejoice and make the Linc rock and roll all day as this will be the last time the Eagles play in front of them for 3 weeks (in NY week 17, off week 18, then back home for Week 19). Eagles 30, Redskins 21 (12-3).

Week 17: Eagles at New York Giants
Currently scheduled as a day game, I think that due to the nature of the season, it will stay that way. If I am way off or if New York keeps pace, then this will be the last game of the regular season on Sunday Night Football. Conversely, I see the night game a toss up between Saints-Panthers or Ravens-Bengals, as I think those divisional battles will have more meaning. Hopefully, if the Eagles have secured home field, I cannot see Andy Reid getting more than one quarter out of his starters. The Giants play hard, too, and look forward to a strong playoff run, this year from the 6 seed. Giants 24, Eagles 10 (12-4)

Week 18: Bye week, but for shits and giggles, let's see Giants over 49ers (at San Fran), Bears over Panthers (at Carolina) in the NFC, and Bengals over Ravens (at Baltimore), and Texans over Steelers (at Houston).

Week 19: Eagles over Giants (at Philadelphia), Packers over Giants (at Green Bay) in the NFC, and Patriots over Bengals (at New England) and Broncos over Texans in OT (at Denver)

Week 20: Eagles over Packers for the NFC Championship (at Philadelphia) and Broncos over Patriots for the AFC Championship (at New England).

And finally, in Superbowl whatever in Wherever, Some State, the Philadelphia Eagles vs. the Denver Broncos. Eagles vs. Peyton. Eagles vs. Dawkins. Fox vs. Reid. Mr. Perfect Football (Peyton Manning) vs. the #3 Most Hated Man in Sports (Mike Vick). It would be a tough superbowl, as I always wanted to see Bryan Dawkins get a ring, but always wanted the Eagles to win one, too. I think this is the last chance for either (Dawkins may retire, and Eagles I expect to go down soon). Hey, I can dream, right?
 
Finally, if you made it this far, thank you all so much for reading. I really do get excited whenever I see a spike in my viewership, a new country, or any comments. I get so excited, but I actually can hide it.

Apr 19, 2012

Dubawkard Moments - The Day I Stepped On A Baby

People who have known me long enough know this story. It has grown in legend to me stomping on every baby I ever saw or being proud about this. Not the case. The story I am about to share is true. I wish I could go back in time and not have gone to the store that day. And so it starts...

It was a typical miserable Saturday mid-morning for me. Escaping up to the Mount Laurel Shop Rite so that I could escape the Hell that I considered to be my house in Cherry Hill. I often found excuse after excuse to go up to that area - be it Home Depot, Best Buy, or Shop Rite. I think I wanted flavored coffee creamer. The Mount Laurel shopping areas behind the Moorestown Mall are pretty family friendly and considered to be a "nicer" area than the alternatives. Therefore, families are quite abundant out there.

This day, maybe now five or six years ago, was a nice day to cruise out with your family if you had one. Earlier in that week or earlier that month, a guy threatened to fight me there because I said "excuse me" to pass by him. I don't remember many details about it, but I think he threatened to stab me. So, in a nutshell, I was extremely cautious with everything I did at this store.

Well, I get my coffee creamer, and I start to head to an aisle to check out, but something in the refrigerator from the other checkout lane grabbed my eye. It was like Pepsi Max or something terrible like that. I go to walk to the mini fridge when, all of a sudden (of course), a kid maybe 3 or 4 years old runs in front of me as I was mid-highstepping to avoid contact. I came down back hard on my foot, but my balance quickly shifted (much like Dolly Parton I am top heavy) in the same motion as my landing-foot. I start to balance out as my other foot is in the air as I look around to make sure I do not see the kid running around anywhere else. I lower my foot to regain my standing position - lowering my foot faster than I would to step down, but slower than I would to stomp my foot. If you can't see the difference, I cannot help you.

My foot was about halfway down when all of a sudden I felt some soft resistance. I immediately look down and to the right and I see the top of a baby stroller. Without moving my foot anymore I follow the length of the stroller to my foot, which is on the seat of the stroller. I slowly remove my foot to see.....


Oh. My. God. What did I just do?? I just stepped on a fucking baby. In a stroller.

I frantically look around for the mother, father, caretaker - whomever may be in charge of said foot-printed baby. It would look very, very bad for me if I was kneeling down touching a strange baby to make sure he/she was okay (baby had an ambiguously orange outfit on).

Please keep in mind, the last several paragraphs took place in a matter of seconds. I must have muttered "Oh my God nonononononono" really quietly to myself. The mother was like a couple feet from the stroller with her back to it. I exclaimed, "Excuse miss?? Is this your baby?" Like Willow Smith she whipped her hair forth as her head turned. She had a half smile that quickly turned sour when she saw I was distressed after inquiring.

"Please forgive me, but I just stepped on your baby."

I was ready to have anything said to me, even perhaps to be smacked. Instead the lady stared at me, bewildered by what this strange half-sized man just said to her.

"It was a total accident...I just wanted you to know"

Crinkled face now as she hastily walked over to the stroller, grabbed the handles looked down at the baby, and pushed past me.

I immediately put the creamer I was carrying on a magazine rack and went out the entrance door to avoid further confrontations. I never did get flavored creamer. I think I finished my horrible morning walking around Home Depot.

So, what did I learn from this event? A couple things:
  1. Always err on the side of walking into the little kid. They are more flexible and durable than a soft brained, soft skulled baby that you can potentially step on;
  2. In the event you may have stepped on a baby you will encounter either a fight or flight response. Choose the flight, and you are leaving the scene and potentially leaving behind a squished baby. Choose to fight, and you could get accused of molesting a squished baby. There is no win, but I think the moral high ground is to stay and inform the parent.
  3. Women who are 40 with babies are very forgiving. Or heavily medicated without a care in the world.
That was truly one of the most awkward moments of my life and ultimately turned into one of those "why did I even bother to wake up" kind of mornings.

Apr 18, 2012

New Life and Apartment Review!

They say home is what you make it. They also are a group of people we always refer to who I do not know. This past weekend, I had a milestone moment in my life where I officially moved in with my girlfriend of almost three years and her 5 (soon to be 6) year old son. We have become our own little family that has grown to support each other in every way possible. Kim has certainly become my best friend and a very willing partner, and vice versa, and has completely reinvigorated my life. Rocco has, as he has gotten older, matured enough to the point where he understands I may not be daddy, but I am his "step-dad" - unofficially - and am there to be his parent first, and a best friend second. We have lived at her parents' house for the past year where we had a whole floor to ourselves for living space and we had dinner together almost every day and were always together as an extended family and I have always been made to feel like a welcome addition. With that being said, with a new school year approaching and Rocco whizzing through home-schooled online kindergarten, it was time for us to up and leave to the next town over and get him in a more favorable school district without being too far from her parents (as her mom has stepped up for years to assist with Rocco so that Kim may continue her professional career - if not for her, Kim and I would not be able to do what he have done to this point).

So, now that my sentimentality has bored you to death, let me get on with the review of our new apartment, our new home for the forseeable future, and see how it stacks up compared to my past living arrangements.

First, to understand where I am, you have to know where I have been. That is something else that "they" say. My first and only home until I was 18 was at my parents house in Cinnaminson, New Jersey. I was a very fortunate kid that was able to be born, grow up, and always come home to the same house. I know it would be a sad day when my parents decide to move on. When I graduated high school, I attended the U.S. Coast Guard Academy in New London, Connecticut. I was on my own for the first time, but had the structure of the military to keep me in check. I met a hodge-podge of people, learned a little bit about the Ukraine (don't worry Russia, you are still my #2), and had to live on $90/month - which was fine considering as a freshman or "4th Class" everything you needed was right in front of you. After a year there, I decided it wasn't for me and moved back home. I commuted to Drexel University in Philadelphia and frequently visited my friends at The College of New Jersey (TCNJ) - which became my second home. Landis, Anderson, and Big Jim always gave me a place to stay and I was forever grateful and have many memories that I probably shouldn't have. Through Drexel, I completed three internships, 6 months at a time, from 2000 to 2002. My first year I stayed up in Reading working at the local steel mill. Reading was an odd town. It had its beautiful parts and then its violent, stay away at night parts. I was caught up in a protest through the streets one day back when the U.S. decided to test out some bombs or missiles in a vacant spot of Puerto Rico. Several protesters of Puerto Rican descent surrounded my car and I was legitimately scared. Another day I was driving (my internships were always during the summer) with the windows down, listening to George Thorogood. A car full of black kids pulled up, screamed, "Cracker, turn that shit off," and stared at me until I had left the traffic light. Nothing happened, but when you are a 20 year old kid living by yourself in a neighborhood that could be legitimately dangerous (a 9-year old kid shot an 8-year old to death the week before down the street), you panic a little. I lived in Pottstown the next two internships and realized there were two sections - the right and the wrong side of the tracks. I was on the wrong side, but never really experienced anything too bad there. The first year I stayed in a converted attic turned studio apartment. It was nice for a 21 year old bachelor away from his family and friends. I lived on a futon watching Anchorman, Saving Silverman, and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back every night while living out of boxes and eating carrots by the bagful. The next year I got a one bedroom apartment, however I practically lived just out of the living room, studio style. I had a queen sized air mattress and a bed stand, but in a room with window air conditioners, again on the third floor, it was impossible to be comfortable on it. That experience went well until my coked up downstairs neighbor tried to get me into a drug deal. It was escalating pretty quick and thankfully my brother let me come to his house for my last month of the internship. In between the second and third internship, I participated in the Sea Education Association (SEA) program in Woodshole, Massachusetts, for 6 weeks. It was a quiet little town and I shared a 3-bedroom, coed house with two other guys. It was what it was and I had a good time while learning about the sea and how to get around. I was supposed to then go to sea, living on a sailboat for 6 weeks, but my trip was cut short due to a near death two-week nightmare, but that is a story for another day.

Eventually, I became an adult. I got engaged and practically lived at my fiance's house. It was hectic having one room and constantly going back to my parents house and getting what I needed. Then eventually I moved into a home in Cherry Hill. I loved my house, but the memories I had there were not so great. However, without all the struggles I had there, I really do not think I would be where or who I am today. After learning how to flip a house the hardway and splitting with my then wife, I moved on to a two bedroom apartment in Gloucester City. At this point, I had been dating Kim for a few months, but it was pretty serious. I was halfway between her and my office. I got the two bedroom place so that Rocco could feel like he had his own place to stay when they would spend the weekend in GC. It turns out I spent very little time there over my one year lease, although we did have some nice weekends away there. Eventually the lease ran out, Kim and her parents worked out an arrangement, and I moved in to permenantly be with Rocco and Kim. It felt a little cramped at times due to sharing a house with 2 to 3 other people, and I used a storage unit nearby to house stuff that couldn't make it into Casa de Parentes. So, when the moment was right, and money was saved, we got off to our start on our own.

Which, after all that, leads us to...

Duba's New Apartment Review

We live on a second floor, two bedroom apartment now. I have yet to achieve groundlevel status in my life, but that is okay. The detail in the second floor apartment was way more noticable than in the available first floor unit. It was just nicer all around and we loved it the minute we saw it. Somebody else was applying for it, but we waited and luckily were chosen to stay there.

Bathroom Review - The bathroom is the smallest room in the house, yet the most important for starting and finishing the day! I know my days always start and end there, but it serves its functions. I like the fact there is a window in the shower wall (with frosted glass, you peeping Toms!) that helps with ventilation. It was recently updated, so it has a nice appearance. Not a lot of storage, but that is up to us to solve.

Master Bedroom turned into Kid Room Review - Upon going to the apartment after signing our lease papers, Kim and I walked around the place envisioning where everything would go. She insisted on giving Rocco the master bedroom. This was due to several factors - he has the most furniture, he has toys out the wazoo that we would prefer stay out of other rooms, the space would be needed to share should any future child magically show up (and shouldn't as long as the calendar still says 2012). I arranged everything the other night and he is freaked out by the amount of play space he has. I was hesitant at first about this decision, but it was for the best and ultimately it was the right choice. Nothing can take the place of your child being happy.

Kid Bedroom turned Master Bedroom Review - Subsequently, Kim and I took the smaller room. The only furniture we have though is a night stand, TV shelf, and a dresser. I put my hanging clothes in that closet, Kim goes into Rocco's room (bigger closet), and Rocco has his own armoir. The room is arranged in the most efficient way and I believe there is plenty of space there. Not much is needed in a bedroom and everything I need is right there.

Living Room Review - Certainly to be the most used part of our apartment, it is a great size that we already have two couches in that have taken very little space. Next phase of our move in will be setting up the computer, TV, couches, and other decorating to turn into our happy home. There is plenty of room for me to continue to dominate at "Just Dance" - regardless of which edition of the game is being played. Two windows that face our neighbors may not be ideal, but at least it isn't a window-to-window view like my apartment in GC. There is enough space between the two buildings that this is fine.

Kitchen Review - Clearly the most renovated part of the apartment. Pergo floors, new dishwasher, half-decent stove/oven/hood/microwave setup. Nice looking cabinets and a couple windows, too. Kim absolutely loves the kitchen. It is great that there are so many individualized sections of the counter where we can both stand there and do certain things. It is a nice spot for me to go and make the day's coffee and prep for my day as well. Plenty of storage cabinets that are still needing to be filled, but at least everything we need is easily accessible right now. Even the stuff we will eventually get that we probably wouldn't need will be easily accessible.

Balcony Review - I have access to a balcony through a door in the kitchen. There is not much to it, just a bunch of wooden planks and metal hand rail. The only advantage to the downstairs unit was that the balcony had shade. However, by midday, the sun is shaded out on the second floor balcony. The deck does need to have some nails smacked back down and the planks have small spaces in between them that Rocco has already lost one toy through.

Overall - Each room (minus bathroom) and living space/kitchen has a newer ceiling fan. There is central air in the unit as well that is awesome. The past two years of ceiling fanless living and window air conditioning was difficult for me, a hairy sweat hog. We can open the windows and get a nice breeze throughout the apartment that was a nice surprise. Plus our landlord has been responsive thus far with any issue we had on our move in forms and everything should be taken care of by week's end.

All in all, this is the most exciting of all my moves. It is the perfect sized space. Last night, Kim/Rocco's friend/kids came over to see the place, Rocco and his friend played for hours, out of sight but we could still hear everything at a volume loud enough where we could check up on them. Once the two Uhaul trucks worth of boxes, furniture, and knick-knacks have been placed, I am looking forward to us kicking our feet up and enjoying the good life.

Thanks for reading.

Apr 17, 2012

Income Tax Review

(courtesy of www.apfn.org)


I hope you all had a great Emancipation Day! I know I did! It was surely a great way to honor our ancestors who found it in their hearts to allow all men to be created equal, just not all women. Emancipation Day certainly did help me when working out my tax situation for 2011. After spending a whole weekend marching up and down several flights of stairs at least 100 times, never empty handed, I had no chance to log on to the internet and prove to Uncle Sam that I have given them all I can. And then I lost my tax papers and I thought all was lost. Fortunately, being in the office very early yesterday morning gave me just enough time to get online copies of my paperwork.

I had a unique (for me) tax situation in 2011 - I spent four months as a New Jersey resident and I spent the remaining 8 months in the heart of Pennsylvania. Ultimately, I had three sets of taxes to report, and this is what I learned:

Federal Income Tax - I struggle mightily as it is. Due to some very bad decisions I made in my early 20's, I have been giving away more than half my pay check between taxes and student loans I defaulted on. If only I could go back in time, I would have done it all differently. I grew used to making the money that I made, living in a house, apartment, or with Kim's parents. Thank goodness I already max out on my federal income taxes witheld, because I could not imagine owing any more to anybody than I already do. Besides, with all the governmental problems in our country, I would rather know that I did my part by voting and giving them as much money as I could. Unfortunately, that gosh darn Uncle Sam will take it anyway to help pay off those damn loans! At least it helps pay them down quicker.

Pennsylvania State Income Tax - This return was a joke. It took me literally 5 minutes to efile. My taxes certainly are not complicated, but seriously this was a breeze. It is how it should be. What worries me though is that I owed $1. I guess for 8 months, $1 is not that bad for future tax projections. I may jump up to $2 for a full 12 months, which would be me paying 100% more taxes, and that is bogus. The plus, though, is that Pennsylvania does not require a payment of $1. It would probably cost them more to process that payment than they would get back. So does that mean that PA is very responsible with its money? I sure hope so, as I am here for the foreseeable future. I tried to report my NJ tax stuff on there as that is allowed between the two states. Something went awry, and it said I owed like a thousand bucks. Skip that noise!

New Jersey Income Tax - I shall not miss you, New Jersey. Filing as a former resident was one of the most difficult things in life I ever had to understand. Again, I am certainly no finance wizard (obviously). Yet, I have generally been pretty good at taxes. The requirements though that they had and the instructions for the NJ 1040NR (non-resident) was ridonkeylous. It tells you that in order to complete line 53, use one work sheet. One of the things required in that worksheet is your answer to Line 53. I must of checked 6 times on this. I am fairly certain I do not earn any additional deductions or exemptions, so zero it was. All in all, I am owed $55 from NJ, and if you did that for 12 straight monts it would come out to my standard $220 a year. Yup, another $55 straight to Uncle Sam.

Damn my blogs have been boring lately. Yet, my international audience has grown and grown. France, Egypt, Latvia - only the finest places in the world read Duba's blog. Future reviews will include: Random Tball Game Review, Apartment Review, Baptism Review. Future columns will include - New Duba Awkward Moment (find out what happens when you don't look where you are going in a grocery store), Lost Friend Memories, & I determine the Eagle's Record for the 2011-2012 season. Stay tuned! I promis it gets better.

Apr 14, 2012

The World Has Spoken - Duba Rules

Well folks...all my french accents and Sponge Bob Squarepants impersonations have finally paid off. France, thank you for bringing Duba back iinto your country. 15 years is a long hiatus. Also, thanks for not spitting at me this time. Much appreciated.

To welcome my newest audience, I present you cheese eating surrender monkeys with a tribute to your country: French National Hero

Also new to my audience is Latvia. I googled "is latvia horrible", which produced no results. Then, I tried "is latvia any fun?" Again, nothing. Oh well. Check out the comedy stylings of Latvia's finest! Knock Knock. Who there? Latvian. Latvian who? Please open door. Is so cold.

Hohoho hardy har har! Also, Duba is doing his part to settle disputes between Iran and the United States. Hey Mr. Mayor of Iran, can you please share my blog with that tiny version of a leader in North Korea, please. Maybe we can all gather for a nice brunch or brinner some day?

And that for me is a night. I moved 60 boxes of stuff from the third floor to the first, to soon move it all up to the second floor tomorrow. Good night world. Your leader is tired.

Apr 9, 2012

Road Review! Duba's Roads Most Traveled (Or-In Soviet Russia, Road Forks You!)

In my job, I have had to travel to many, many places. Just to get to my office, I have to take two interstates. To get to my job site today, I could take those two same interstates plus a couple of U.S. Routes to get to my destination. For tomorrow, I think there are up to 5 interstates, 4 separate tolls, and a slew of off-ramps. The purpose of this blog is not to complain about my job, but rather to classify the roads, for better or for worse, and their conditions throughout Pennsylvania and New Jerssey.

Interstate 95
I-95, how useful you are. I have traveled up and down I-95 for as long as I can remember, from Maine to Philadelphia to Florida. I remember how my mom would always complain about this road and having to travel it to get down to grandma's house. I think, without 95, that the backroads all the way down there would be perhaps a little more of a headache. 

Recent construction on the George C. Platt Bridge (for the next two years) has relegated me to take 95 to get up to the Walt Whitman Bridge rather than taking me through the city's shooting-est and rapiest neighborhood. So thank you, I-95. However, any time you take this road around the city, the potential for disaster of a traffic jam is there. On the weekends and getting on the wrong time of day, or perhaps during the summer baseball months, your whole day could be ruined by an expected 10 minute drive turning into hours creeping up the road. My travels also have me eventually meeting up with I-95 at exit 7A on the NJ Turnpike. This portion of 95 is fantastic. Don't get me wrong, the propensity of a New York driver to completely irritate me to the point of screaming like a lunatic in the confines of my car is much greater, but with only a couple exits every now and then and its ability to keep me away from most NY City traffic, it is a great stretch of road. Just do not breath the air as it smells cancery.

Interstate 76
I-76 Is used daily, but mostly a short stretch of it. It has the ultra necessary Walt Whitman Bridge - the key piece to my work day. I have mixed feelings about this road. The WW Bridge in general is HORRIBLE!!! At the times I cross it, leaving or coming back to PA for work, I rarely get held up in traffic. The pavement and seams in the road, though, well, that is the problem. I counted 108 bumps on average over the course of one week, one way entering PA on the WW Bridge. I am not talking about slight road dips. 108 times over the course of the ascent, apex, and descent of the bridge, my car gets pounded by the shitty road conditions. And the fact I pay $5 every goddamn day to cross that bridge and undoubtedly advance the decay of my car is about as frustrating as waiting in line at a Russian McDonalds. Beyond the bridge, I-76 kind of fizzles into obscurity into Route 42 and ultimately the Atlantic City Expressway.

Interstate 295
At one time, the bane of my existence. For what seemed like 5 years, the road was torn up, shifted, scooted, shrouded, crowded, corroded, caved in, intolerable, un-maintained, cracked up, jacked up, backed up, unkempt, nightmare-inducing, fear-reeking road. Construction went on and on for years at almost every phase of it in New Jersey. Losing the length of an on-ramp from the back roads and having it replaced with a stop sign would back up traffic EVERYWHERE. I tried many varying entry points onto to I-295 to no improvement for years. Once you were on it (at the end of a long day), I swear you could look over and see a family of turtles walk past you.

Yet, in the year 2012, construction finally seems to be finished in the middle of this interstate. I think it becomes smooth sailing when you get south of exit 26, but gets a little backed up towards the northern end. It is also one of the least plowed roads. It is almost like the state of New Jersey forces you to take the Turnpike during a snow storm. There are also several patches of concrete-mix asphalt that make driving on it rather loud inside the car, making speakerphone voice conversations difficult.

Interstate 195
I-195 is special to me in that I believe this is the division between north and south New Jersey. You want to think we are all the same state, you would be dead wrong. In such a small state, you have fans of Philadelphia, New York, and even some New Jersey teams. I would never root for one of the New Jersey teams as they are up in Newark and do not serve me any purpose. However, if you live north of 195, you may just be up to an hour away from these places (even the NY football teams play in New Jersey, but up north). If you root for the New York/New Jersey teams, then you are an asshole, I mean, you are a North Jerseyan.

Oh yeah, I got sidetracked. I-195 is very boring, as is this blog entry. Never a problem on this road to date, and I have been traveling it for about 10 years now.

Interstate 78
Ugh. The road that takes me to Jersey City. I really hate this road, as it means I have driven very far already and am possibly going to have a disaster of a day. This road really serves one purpose - get people to New York. Two lanes is not enough for that. The Turnpike, parkway, and route 1/9 converge after one toll booth from like 12 lanes to 2. And it stays backed up for a couple miles, coming to a maddening crawl. However, once you get past that first exit (14A), you can see the Statue of Liberty and traffice is suddenly not so bad. Most of the drive time is spent on an overpass though, but after the merge it is generally smooth sailing. I have not (nor hope to ever) driven on this road during snow.
Interstate 287
A road that is easy to get on, but insane to get off. The tollbooth to get on the parkway at the south end of 287 is I think maybe 10 lanes, filing down to 1 lane with only 100 feet to spare. It is a slow crawl nightmare and you will see the WORST of people. I find it is generally not so bad to just every now and then let up the gas and keep straight. One day an accident happened 95 feet from the tollbooth, thus giving us only really 5 feet to merge. It was one of the worst days ever. I take this road maybe once or twice a year - it is good to access the Oranges and a good throughway to get some places in northcentral New Jersey. Usually though when I travel this road, it is for the entire length.
Interstate 80
I made a wrong turn on this road several years ago going to a wedding and turned around when we saw signs for the Poconos. What a wrong turn (before I owned a GPS and my companion refused to listen to my directions)! I most recently had a little trist with this road when I worked a couple days at Lafayette. Man that drive sucked to that point and every time I have ever been on this road it has rained. And in recent times, there is a lot of construction and the lanes are marked with temporary reflective stickers on the ground that are not very visible in the rain. Traffic also seemingly backs up for no reason at all.
New Jersey Turnpike
I hate to say it, but I have grown to really love an appreciate the NJTP. Yes, tolls keep going up and up. Yes construction has been going on for as long as I can remember and will go on for longer than I can see. They are expanding a Trucks/Buses lane down the NJTP for several more miles and adding some extra exits between Exit 6 and Exit 8A. The construction is not bad, in my opinion. Except for when I am on it at 5 in the morning and they still have one lane shut down because they are running late. Minor inconvenience. I would rather be stopped still earlier in my trip than after having been on this road for 2 hours.

I used to have to drive the entire length of the NJTP to get to work, one period for about 6 months straight. And I had to be up there at 6:30 every day. It would cost me $30/day to go to work (before I had a work truck). I was driving my then father in law's car, who had a bench warrant for an unpaid ticket. I would get pulled over by the same cops day in, day out. Eventually whenever a cop got behind me, I would just pre-emptively pull over. Sometimes they had the cuffs out, some times not. But they always appreciated me doing that for them and they would often just let me go on my own without running my information. I even had to change a tire on the same car, the side that faces the highway with a very limited shoulder. A trooper pulled up behind me, "protecting" my car, and assisted me. I have no complaints about the cops there. If you do 90, you will probably get pulled over. You can top off around 75 with no problems. If that is not fast enough for you, then go to Hell.

However, being a main throughway for New Jersey, the NJTP attracts a lot of traffic from Virginia and New York. When you see these license plates in front of you, do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to get past them. The cars in NY and VA must not have speedometers. Their drivers will be going 45 in a 65 one minute, I will pass them, get back into the lane (at around 70 - 75 mph) only to have them come back up my ass and eventually pass me, just to go back to 45 mph again. They are maddening and should not be allowed to drive. There, I said it.

Plus, since you pay to drive on this road, New Jersey takes great care of this road. Even during construction, snow is plowed to the point where almost all lanes are clear, and I feel safe on it. A couple deaths occur on the NJTP every year, but to be safe, you must always keep your eyes open for your surroundings. A truck wobble here, a car carrier tipping over at the trucks/buses/cars only lanes merge by 8A there, and the NJTP can quickly become a nightmare. However, I must say, I have mostly had pleasant drives.
Garden State Parkway
The first 60 miles of this road can suck, the middle 60 are not so bad (mostly through forests-however, they do tend to knock it from 2 lanes to 1 without warning), and the last 60 have to be like some of the worst managed roads ever. Not in a maintenance sense, as they are fine condition wise. Once you get past exit 129, man, you better have given yourself enough time. The drivers are reckless, rude assholes. Nobody would hesitate to cut you off. The traffice backs up for miles. Although New Jersey has done a lot to manage tolls on this road, elminating toll booths to reduce stoppage, one a normal Parkway driver gets to a tollbooth, it seems like a brand new, foreign, and confusing thing to them. I lose patience very easily from exit 129 to 136 (the location of my office in Cranford). Driving this road up to the 150+ exit numbers is extremely exhausting.
U.S. 1
This road, while well intentioned, is horrible. There is not one pleasant portion of this road in New Jersey. It travels from Maine to Key West, Florida, but it still sucks. When people drive on Route 1 through New Jersey, they will be left believing that NJ is indeed the armpit of the United States. Stretches of road backed up for no reason. Several metropolitan areas feeding the traffic delays. And, after you pass the New Brunswick area, the road, when combined with Route 9, feels like one big off-ramp. Your GPS will explode if you make a wrong turn. Ever try to MapQuest something up in that area? Every direction is practically for every bend in the god forsaken road up there. You do not feel like you are on a steady road and, unless you are up there every single day, you will have no confidence that you took the right exit. Also, when it is plowed, it is usually just one lane, that takes its own direction. Poor, poor, but ultimately necessary road. I have been late several times or gotten home in the late evening hours because of this piece of shit off-ramp resembling highway.
U.S. 206
A poor man's Route 130, I am rather indifferent to this road. I am learning more about it with some jobs up around or in Trenton. There are a lot of neighborhood cut throughs and just the right amount of gas stations and convenience stores. I even have taken 206 up to Lafayette, which is a haul. It is well maintained for the most part, and not always backed up until you get to its junctions with interstates and the NJTP. A pretty decent amount of stoplights though and a feeling like you are too far away from the other major roads make this one of the more less traveled roads.
U.S. 130
A more prominent version of 206, Route 130 is a mixed bag. It has long stretches without lights and traffice, then has traffic lights literally sometimes every 50 feet. It passes through my home town of Cinnaminson and was a main artery for me to get to my old apartment in Gloucester City, accesses every major bridge, merges with 295 a couple times, and eventually dies off somewhere around New Brunswick. Again, it is hit or miss, and you have to know which portions of this road will benefit you in avoiding traffic on the major throughways. I take it mostly to get up to some spots in Hamilton/Trenton as well as our lab in Dayton. I do not recommend it as your main roadway when coming down south. The interstates and NJTP are better options for long travels, regardless of what I may have said about them earlier.

Apr 6, 2012

The Wonderful Wonderlic - Are You Smarter Than ME??


That's me pondering why such a large genius mind is trapped into such a small head. I mean, I could not find the adult sized hats for T-ball the other day, and I was able to wear a youth hat with minimal discomfort.

I saw an article on NFL.com about how some draft prospect scored really low on the Wonderlic Cognitive Abilities test. If average is 21-24, this guy scored way below average. This has caused some controversy as nobody is supposed to know another athlete's score on the test. I, however, have no shame. I have no qualms. Nor do I have any quails, as that would be weird. I have no desire to keep my successes a secret. I scored a 44 on the test.

The test I completed can be found courtesy of Mancavesports.org. Take it. The rules are, you have 12 minutes for these 50 questions. I suggest you have a pen and paper ready as you will have math problems to work out. I completed them in about 10 minutes, thus getting back to work 2 minutes earlier than originally anticipated, 5 minutes early of a 15 minute break. If you follow that so far, you are at least average on the Wonderlic test.

Don't believe me? Look at my scrap paper where I checked the right answers and "X"-ed out the wrong answers. Now, when I took the test, two (2) questions did not show the picture I had to answer from. Therefore, I allotted those as correct answers for myself. I guess you could really say my score would have been between 42 and 44. If you want to give me 42 out of 48, well, that lowers my average by 0.5 percentage points. Check out my answer sheet:


So, what does my final score mean? Well, it means I am smarter than a chemist (average score of 31), yet nowhere near Ryan Fitzpatrick (who scored a 50/50), and he blows.

Ultimately, I feel pretty good about myself. I wish I could brag about being smarter than pro athletes, but I think I would have to work 10 years just to make the salary of even a practice squader.

How did you do? Take the test, and honestly put up your answers. I understand not everybody can be as smart as me, but I am not as smart as everybody else. In fact, this gives me a contest idea...

NEW CONTEST! EARN your chance at having a blog entry written about you...

Now, since nobody has yet to complete the contest I posted on Facebook after my Rocks-Papers-Scissors blog, despite the answer now being prominently displayed on my blog, I have a new one...

Just simply beat me in the Wonderlic test. I will determine what makes you smarter than me.

Yet, seeing how nobody got the first contest, I have to wonder if I will have anything to write, to feature a blog reader prominently up here. It is your choice. I dare you to beat me!