Flipping The Bird: Asking Myself Questions About the Eagles

The preseason for the Eagles is over. They went undefeated for the first time I can remember since I cared about the preseason. What we learned was Mike Vick may be a huge liability. We have a capable backup that people are clamoring for or want to watch develop. We have a revolving door of defensive linemen each as capable as the rest and a budding linebacker we actually drafted. Phillip Hunt and King Dunlap will be key pieces to our offensive and defensive line, whether it is as a starter or backup. Demeco Ryans is meh.

 

So, what does that leave me to do in this post? Answer questions like this.

 

Q: With the limited amount of preseason you saw due to commitment to flag football coaching, what was the biggest highlight?

 

A: Three things I took away: 1) Vick standing with Andy Reid, away fromt he rest of the team, during the Garrett Reid tribute - symbolizing a unified coach and quarterback and probably a symbolic shot that if one is to succeed the other has to and if one fails they both will. 2) Alex Henery can kick like a champ and in the often boom/bust offense of the Eagles he may be one of our most valuable weapons. 3) The rookies are smart - Nick Foles could be our future and it could be a good one and the young receivers showed some great field awareness.

 

Q: What position concerns you the most?

 

A: The one where I am face down on the operating table and a nurse begins to shave my ass as I fall asleep. I have two: wide receiver and secondary. Wide receiver may be a stretch, but think about how fragile these guys are. I think Maclin is generally a tough player and he is over his 2011 illness and bulked up a little. DeSean Jackson is one more high wind away from another concussion, and Jason Avant was not himself last year. I worry that a battle may start occurring for the third receiver slot if Avant can't come back into form, but I think he will. If not, you don't want a second string guy in there going from one QB and protection package to another and expect third down conversion success. The secondary is tough because with all the pressure the line will get on the QB I see some quick dumpoff passes where the pass catcher will break away from the linebackers. Who will stop them then? Supposedly Cromartie had a really good preseason and last year Kurt Coleman led the team in tackles for a while. I just worry that you will see many Eagles' gloves bouncing off receivers as I don't think those guys have made tackles since high school.

 

Q: Who would you trust on your fantasy team from the 2012 Eagles?

 

A: Jeremy Maclin, Brent Celek, LeSean McCoy. I think if Vick goes down Nick Foles will still be a capable fill in for these three players. I would roll with Vick (when he is healthy) against teams with a poor pass rush. I would use Jackson against teams with said poor pass rush and at the most an average secondary. If Vick has time to stand back and coverage in the secondary is weak, Vick to Jackson all day will spell victory. I used to love Vick on my teams, but I view him now as a situational player. I think no matter who they play coverage will roll to Jackson, freeing up the (slightly) bigger Maclin. Teams will also have to be slightly biased to Maclin therefore making Celek a good option to break open a play every game. I love when Brent Celek jumps over people.

 

Q: Do you plan to go to any games this year?

 

A: It all depends who can get me tickets to go for free. I have gone to one free game with Jay, Brandon, and Landis the past two years and hopefully that tradition can continue. I was given some tickets by a subcontractor last year that I used frequently as a thank you for my continued service.

 

Q: What was the best Eagles game you ever went to?

 

A: Hmmmm. So many to choose from, unfortunately all from the past two years. It may be easier to recap these games. Well, in 2010 I saw the Eagles march down the field and come back on Peyton Manning and the Colts. That was nice. Especially when you have Landis yelling "You can't beat us we got the doggy killer!" They also did the same to the Texans on Thursday night, which also was cool. Brandon and I watched that game from "Standing Room Only" which made the entire stadium our viewing section. It was cold yes but awesome to see them take a lead, give it up, and then march back down and take the victory and add to it. I also saw opening day 2010 when Kolb came on and disappointed everybody. Leonard Weaver, my then favorite player, went down when his knee cap exploded out the back of his leg. The Eagles were down 17-3 to the Packers. In comes Vick after Kolb leaves the game. His first series he goes on a long run, obviously straight into awaiting Packers at the goal line. He dove toward the end zone anyway as the defenders jump smashed him out of bounds at the 3 yard line. The crowd erupted at the heroic effort and he won me over as a fan that day. The worst game of 2010 was the return of Donovan McNabb with the Redskins. Vick got hurt mid-game and Kolb came in. Clinton Portis bowled over our defenders. Kolb couldn't hit the ground if he was intentionally grounding. It was bad. A black guy behind us kept screaming to Kolb "That why you a backup!!!" A very drunk guy next to me would stare at the ground and say, "You got the ball down by 7 in your half of the field you should establish the punt first." And my new football catch phrase was coined (read: stolen). McNabb was driving his team when on third down Landis yelled out "C'mon throw it to his feet." A few seconds later incomplete pass to Santana Moss's feet. Landis quipped, "Yeah! I'm play calling!" In 2011, Jay treated us again to an Eagles game - against the Arizona Cardinals. We seem to get the "Return to Philadelphia" games for ex Eagles quarterbacks. Sho'nuff, Vick got hurt again, refused to sit out, Kolb was pulled, and John Skelton came back and Beanie Wells stomped on the Eagles. We all legitimately felt like shit that night. I was treated the following week to the Eagles playing the Giants at the Giants. Vince Young led the Eagles back. I was sitting in end zone the Eagles were marching to in the fourth quarter. I could see the play develop when Riley Cooper got open in the end zone just as Young was releasing the ball. Excellent play excellent touchdown and outstanding game. It was weird how quiet a stadium is outside of Philadelphia when the home team gets deflated. Anyway, we started to exit and after every play we would run down the concourse and watch the next play on the TV. I told Brandon, "Once they get an interception, we can just head on out." One more concourse level down and Samuel picked off Eli. Game over. 2 hour drive home. The season was an abortion at this point, but it was a fun experience.

 

Q: Have your bold predictions for the Eagles changed after watching these games?

 

A: In a nutshell, no. I think any injury other than paralysis will only keep Vick temporarily off the field and his style of play will not change whence he returns. Foles could be serviceable by then but he is a rookie. Our veteran makes mistakes, too, that are just as costly. As long as either one of those quarterbacks can be the leader they need to be while playing on the offensive side. I think our defense will continue to give up bursts of points, but in smaller amounts this time enabling the Eagles to hold on to some of their more closer victories. So yes, Sky is still the limit for this team.

 

Q: Who is your favorite Eagle now?

 

A: It used to be Dawkins, and after he left I took likings to Brent Celek and Jason Avant. Avant used to have sure hands and would salute God after every catch with his "Praise Ye" hand shake to the sky. Celek would make a catch, run into somebody, and awkwardly sit, trip, or hump the opposing defender. Then he started jumping over people. On defense, I am rooting for Trent Cole all day. Babin is fantastic, but Cole has been an Eagle his whole career. I am hoping Havili stays on as fullback and has a propserous and notorious career.

 

Q: Is this the end of your post?

 

A: Yes. Stay tuned for next week's installment of "Flipping the Bird" where I preview opening day.

 

Q: Seriously, that's it?

 

A: Yes.

 

 

 

Trend that I hate...

Do you know what has become the single most obnoxious thing on television? The Dairy Queen commercials with the deep voiced guy who walks around in random settings saying random bullshit. It is a take on what I would view to be the once entertaining Old Spice commercials. The first (of the recent commercial trends) script of the commercial is below: 

Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on a horse

As the commercial progresses, so does the background behind the guy who is constantly moving from scene to scene, ultimately winding up on said horse. I admit, I saw it and laughed. Saw it a second time and thought of how creative and unique it was. Third time, please...apply the law of diminishing returns on it.

 

Old Spice however won me back with the commercial where a different guy just came on the screen and yelled about how the scent of their deodorant will blow your mind "out in front of your face"

 

Very cheesy special effects but with the yelling and such this commercial, in my book (which will be available in the future) is perfect. It did not make me buy any Old Spice products, but it kept me from changing the channel.

 

What followed next were the douche cousins of Old Spice commercials. Look at this guy for Gillette:

 

And now this guy for Dairy Queen:

 





 

The genesis of the Old Spice commercials was savvy, saying this what you should do if you want to be a man. Nothing altruistic about it, but rather a straightforward don't be a sissy kind of commercial. But after two series of these commercials and this format, I got tired of it. Bring in this guy from Gillette who is the smarmiest of them all and I instantly switch from Gillete products to Barbasol. Again playing up the man thing, this guy proceeds to appeal to every tribal arm tattooed frat boy who had to make room in his cabinet for Gillette shaving cream amongst his Axe body spray collection. Finally, we have the suspected sexual predator from Dairy Queen. Okay, I don't know that for a fact, but his character comes off more as a Law & Order: SVU villain than a manly man telling me ice cream isn't just for fat chicks. Shave your mustache with Gillette, you weasel.

 

The one off the wall series of commercials I have yet to tire of is the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" Commercials. Brilliantly establishing a fictional man with outlandish claims better than Chuck Norris facts, he takes the time to mention, amid all his busy endeavors, that when he has a second to drink a beer, he prefers Dos Equis. My favorite line out of all of them? "He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels."

 

And "That's what really grinds my gears."

 

Coming up tomorrow, I continue what I hope to make a weekly mainstay feature during the NFL season: Flipping the Bird, my commentary on the Philadelphia Eagles.

Flipping the Bird - A Weekly Look At Underachieving Dynasty of the Philadelphia Eagles

Welcome to my first ever "New Feature" Weekly entry. Starting this week, I will address at least one (1) Eagles topic. It may or may not be what you expect, but I will try to react to what I may have seen in a game, what I hear on a radio, a roster move, a thought about a certain player, whatever that may seem relevant in some way to the week that was for the Eagles.

 

So, in two weeks time we will all wake up to see that the universe imploded after the New York Giants and Dallas Cowboys played to a 0-0 tie in the Wednesday night opener. That must mean we are halfway through the preseason. Fantasy drafts are running wild or perhaps have already been done. I have seen the majority of each Eagles' preseason game against the Pittsburgh Steelers and New England Patriots. It is tricky to gauge where this team is at. We in Philadelphia are spoiled in that we always get to read that our team is typically in the top 10 at the lowest to finish highly every year for several years now, over a decade actually. As resident of the Philadelphia area, like most of us, we are also tortured for 17 weeks with that feeling of "when will the season end."

 

This year is no different. So many so called experts (including myself) picked the Eagles to get to and possibly win the Super Bowl. That would be a dream come true of mine (I know, how could I have a dream that involves other people doing all the work?). Before the preseason, people would constantly call in on the radio and say how wild this season is going to be and the Eagles will go far. We got everything shored up, blah blah blah. Now it seems like probably half the fans have already found the panic button and are dusting it off after putting it away earlier this summer when the Phillies' season ended prematurely. The following pictures show why the city is ruffling their feathers at this team:

 

Andy Reid's son died at the age of 29...at his hotel room at training camp. He coached 4 days later.

 

 

Eagles' defenders stand around and/or enjoy a slip a slide without the slip'n-slide while a Steeler can't believe how free he is to run.

 

Vick is once again injured after having one of his linemen pushed back in the second series (which didn't occur until the second quarter).



I can almost feel a bruise develop on my ribs as well when I replay Vick taking this hit.

Now, I know it is only the preseason, and despite the hiccups above, the Eagles are undefeated in the preseason. Many great teams have won the preseason, and many have lost the preseason, only to become Super Bowl winning or Super Bowl caliber teams. I do not put much stock in the dreck the Eagles put out there during the starters' series, as why tip your hand of things to come in the season. Unfortunately, I don't think many of us here in the Philadelphia area have much hope for seeing something different. What I do have hope for, is the backup quarterback position.

Nick Foles, the Eagles' third round pick out of Arizona has taken every oppurtunity he has had to the fullest. There is another backup who was drafted last year, Mike Kafka, who is still learning how to lace up his cleats in the NFL. Foles came in during the first preseason game in the third quarter. He drove the Eagles half way down the field and then threw a bomb/broken play combination to score a nice exciting touchdown. The defense held back the Steelers again and Foles got the ball back a little further away than midfield. One play, one long pass, and one great piece of running/field management by his receiver and Foles had 2 touchdown passes in one quarter. Yeah yeah, it was against backups, but he too is a backup playing with backups.

The second game, Vick went down early and it looked really bad. Fortunately he only has bruised ribs, but as somebody who has had that before it is certainly no picnic. Foles came in, had an interception but it was almost acceptable as he went on to actually dominate the Patriots defense thereafter with the starters catching passes and taking handoffs from him. Yeah yeah, the Patriots were playing their third game in 20 days and their coach rested most of the starters, but he was still a backup, playing marvelously with the starters.

As I said in a post two months ago, having your starting quarterback abruptly go down in flames ruins a season. You get the backup in there to play with starters and the chemistry is gone. There are not many career back up quarterbacks like Charlie Batch anymore. However a guy like Charlie Batch is 5-2 in his starts and has also filled in admirably when given the chance mid-game. Foles came in looking like he was already a perfect fit for the system. Foles had such better poise and repoire with the starters than the awkwardly bald Mike Kafka ever had last year when he came in to fill in for Vince Young. Foles is a rookie and that may be a strike against him, and many websites still have him as the third QB on their depth charts.

Andy Reid himself stated earlier this week that he never had a backup quarterback like this in any of his years in the league. Keep in mind, he has had notorious backups Kevin Kolb, Vince Young, Bubby Brister, Ty and Coy Detmer, Mike MacMahon and decent backups who filled in admirable like A.J. Feely and Jeff Garcia.

I certainly hope that Foles wins the primary backup job. I think I see the future with this kid. And Reid has long been one to bring in backups and ship them out. In fact, most players who leave the Eagles go on to fail (minus some cornerbacks/safeties, and one or two veteran linebackers). Kevin Kolb, who some may say was never given the chance, failed miserably in Arizona. I know he is still in the quarterback competition in Arizona, but when you are touted so highly and are offered an extension without playing a snap you should not be battling the unknown John Skelton. I will never forget the first snap I ever saw Kolb take in a preseason game - he was looking to his right shouting orders and suddenly the ball is hiked up in the air and bounces off his chest. Andy Reid was a Kolb guy all the way.

And now we have Nick Foles, who needs to win the backup role now. Why? Because it will be easier to develop with the second team and tweener first team players to handle the speed and intensity. I am sure that there will be games he has to step in to complete (and hopefully not step in to start). I would rather he take the time to develop his skill set. I think stepping in mid-game is harder than starting. You should always be prepared to play as a good backup, and he knows he is bottom of the totem pole in the organization right now and hopefully he can and will be fighting for his right to be considered near the top.

People, after seeing less than one full game's worth of action from Foles, are already calling for the end of Vick. I don't quite think that yet. If Vick can take us all the way into the post-season, win a game, and/or something extra special, he deserves to stay. Fall short of that, and it's time Andy Reid rolls with Foles.

This one is for the birds.

Russian Protests

Okay, Pussy Riot fans, time to take to the street of Russia and have your heroes freed! Your heroines have been locked up, and so have the supporters of Pussy Riot.

Apparently, these chicks hate their government and the fact that the long time President Vladimir Putin has a close tie and support from the main orthodox church. The Camel Toe Melee began when the band had an impromptu concert, praying to the holy mother to remove Putin from Earth, I believe. I read that this band has 10 members, proving once again that more is less.

It is cold in Russia thus why they wear masks.

The, ahem, ladies got one minute into their hit song "Мессинг с Богом и президентов" - "Messing with God and Presidents". Their follow up "заискивающий суки" was never played ("Whiny Bitches"). While we are on the topic of translations, "Pussy Riot" in Russian is "киска Riot".

Odd how the only word it didn't translate was "riot." Probably because riots have not been allowed in Russia since the last czar was in power.

I truly do acknowledge and respect a protest done innocently against an unfair election. We hear in the United States should have had more protest when George Bush won the election over Al Gore, but unfortunately we are too fat and lazy to stand up for that plus the idea of 10 interchangeable women wearing masks was already taken. The three women who were arrested from the band are facing three years in prison each, thus lowering total active members in the Pussy Riot to 7 - thus making them the equivalent of a Russian Dave Mathews Band.

Protests on the matter of Putin's reelection campaign held last year were record breaking, as well as breaking the record of most protests led by a man named Boris, a woman named Boris, and most mittens used in protests.

My opinion on the matter is that unfortunately, even in the greatest of places to live, not everybody will be happy with the way their government is run or the decisions that are made or who makes them. There was a time long ago when people took pride in their leadership and their country/dominion and were not just a pawn for a greater scheme. I do actually applaud these ladies for what they stand for, but I do not stand for shitty music.

Why give them a sentence of three years? Is there that little of a seperation of church and state in Russia? Maybe there is more details to this story that my American media will not show me that maybe these Menstral Malignants did to earn more jail time, I don't know. Why not just move them to Siberia for 3 years instead? Maybe they can change their name to Meat Locker Riot. Who knows.

That's about it for my international news.

2012 Duba Invitational Draft Party Review

Location - Casa de el Puddo (Pudding's House)

Date - The Eleventh Day of the Eighth Month of the MMXII year Anno Domini

I don't know what sport this trophy is for or who this guy is, but I bet it has something to do with Europe. Perhaps it is a Jai Alai trophy or a Squash trophy? Who knows? Who cares?

So, I had the draft planned for almost 10 months, and yet 2 people still were not able to attend. That is okay, as they provided a pretty decent "autodraft" strategy. Unfortunately, it was the people who were there drafting "live" that screwed it up for them.

Participants/League History

The Duba Invitiational is relatively new, started in 2010 back when I did not have personal internet at home. I only had other people's houses and my phone. I took over the league from Scott after his commissioning style led to the first ever 6-7 team winning the title (Duba). Therefore, I must have known and done something right. I take pride in all my work, and went from 12 teams in 2010 to 16 teams in 2011 as well as this current year. Brandon has been victorious the past two years and is looking for a threepeat. However, with his only fantasy superstar on his team being Larry Fitzgerald, followed by Eli Manning, he will have a tough time of it.

Duba - Only team ever with a losing record to win the league, pre-Dubanization. Ever since, I have turmoiled at the bottom only to finish in the lower middle.

Pudding - Poor little guy, but spunky. He attempted fantasy football last year for the first time and finished behind the team that essentially had no owner for the year. He did beat me two times I think.

Mandi - Ugh. Lose to her, and you will never hear the end of it. She is known for her love of Ray Rice and obnoxiously long team names.

Jay - Mr. Lady Jeans himself. He is slowly gaining fantasy football experience and with his procurement of an iPhone appears to be on the cutting edge of technology.

Horn - Known for his gigantic head and love of Peyton Manning, has shown improvement in only one thing over the past year - he is working out to gain more muscle to support his greater than above averaged sized head.

Kerr - The former eccentric Cinnaminson native and one of the scummier people I have ever met who once tried to shit on a random porch in Philadelphia is now the eccentric North Jerseyan.

Ed - Unconvicted of alleged crimes, he somehow finds away to be the consistent third placer in our game.

Tim - Lover of all players with past or potential knee ligament disasters.

Scott - Formerly a douche and now accepted by all, he is to be married in a few weeks when hopefully his potential fantasy production will decline. Also known for his unfathomable love of the Washingt Redskins.

Nick - The only man I can identify by his butt crack alone, he is a consistent threat every year who I took a whole year to pay his second place finish to in the 2010 Duba Invitational. He got paid back at last year's draft. I am a scumbag.

Anthony - Nick's older brother, who I know nothing of. Except he is older than Nick.

Dave Bell - The man called me up to ask if swimming was required to draft as in my communications about the draft I also told everybody to bring their swim gear. He told me that he didn't want to go swimming because he was going somewhere after the draft. He showed up wearing a tuxedo t-shirt. I asked him if he was going to a very poor bachelorette party as the male entertainment with that get up on.

Brandon - The man has a dynasty and he is looking for a threepeat, but hopefully this year he stumbles and becomes fantasy human again.

Branda - Bless her heart, she always targets Steelers players and then targets number 2 overall pick the following year.

Homer - A guy I have yet to meet who supposedly took over for a team last year. I do not believe he exists nor do I think he will make more than 2 roster moves all year.

Rich - The one guy who could not get off from work when the draft date was announced in January. He autodrafted last year and with a team of all running backs took 4th place overall.

So the draft order was set, Pudding, Brenda, Bell, Anthony, Jay, Tim, Duba, Mandi, Nick, Horn, Scott, Homer, Rich, Ed, Kerr, and Brandon. Below is their first round picks, and my thoughts:

Pudding - Unfortunately, he still doesn't quite get how this whole fantasy thing works. Arian Foster, on every board, is ranked number one. And for a reason. The Texans are run heavy, and he catches passes with the best of them. Barring injury, he may be the most sure thing in fantasy again this year at the running back position. Just for spite, he selected Ray Rice to mess with Mandi, even though she was still 7 more picks away and would have no shot at him anyway.

Brenda - With that stumble by Pudding, she secured Arian Foster. It was, in my opinion the single smartest move in the draft. If she went for a quarterback, I would have had a heart attack. She followed up in the second round seeking out Ben Roethlisberger, but then thought long and hard about Tony Romo and chose him.

Bell - When the quarterback is king, he goes with Aaron Rodgers. Dave bell, his normally boisterously loud self was awfully reserved during the draft, diligently studying in what would be called a fortress of solitude who I nominate for best draft. He got Jimmy Graham in the second.

Anthony - Wisely chooses LeSean McCoy who has two more capital letters in his name than anybody should. Another quite drafter who was going with the skill positions first grabbing Julio Jones in the second round.

Jay - Jay went on a rant earlier before the draft commenced about Tom Brady. His lady jeans got a little bit tighter when he selected Brady at 5th overall. For a follow up? He went with his one last hope of Demaryus Thomas to be catching balls from a healthy Peyton Manning.

Tim - He reached out and grabbed the first Johnson he could. Just another Saturday. Calvin Johnson is his man. Tim, in recent years at least, is the type of guy who's fantasy football luck means he is destined to get frustrated at the Madden Curse. His second rounder? Adrien Peterson. Then, RGIII - an unproven rookie QB for one of the worst teams of all time in the history of man. Followed up by James Starks, who may be second behind Cedric Benson now on Green Bay.

Duba - Perfect opportunity for me to select my favorite non-Eagles player, Drew Brees. My other choices were Ryan Mathews, but he just broke a goddamn shoulder, MJD who is holding out, or Chris Johnson, who I could not pick over Drew Brees. My second pick was Fred Jackson, who I hope has sturdier legs this year and has been drinking milk.

Mandi - She grabs her husband's man crush, Mathew Stafford. A guy I thought was going to hit the bottom of round 1 or the beginning of round 2, he is the fourth quarterback taken, making this the first time our draft had the first half of the first half of our picks be quarterbacks. Her follow up of Wes Welker in the back half of Round 2 was actually pretty good, followed up by Jordy Nelson.

Nick - Nick does not care about a hold out and knows that Maurice Jones-Drew's hyphenated ass was the rushing title winner last year. He holds out hope the holdout ends soon while we all hope he is the next Vincent Jackson, 10 game holder outer. He shored up receiver with Roddy White in the next rounds with Roddy White and Victor Cruz, and ultimately Joe Shmoe Flacco at QB.

Horn - First brilliantly boneheaded pick of the draft. Brilliant if Manning stays healthy, but boneheaded because he missed an entire year after four, FOUR, neck surgeries. Meanwhile, Cam Newton, Tony Romo, Eli Manning, Vick, Phillip Rivers, and Jay Cutler were still available. He followed up with the aging Steven Jackson who should probably frustrate him to no end. He eventually got the Bronco's tight end and kicker as well. Poor Horn.

Scott - After seeing the run on quarterbacks take a funny turn at Petyon Manning, I do not blame him for picking up Cam Newton. I predict he will regress, but Scott had an opportunity to take a threatening point scorer. He followed up with Rob Gronkowski and ultimately his strategy was strictly based on time machine points projections from 2011.

Homer - First Autodraftee of the day wanted the best available running back which in this case was Chris Johnson. I like that pick and wish somehow by a miracle Johnson had landed on me in the second round. No such luck. Homer received a double Johnson in the second round, grabbing Andre's Johnson as quick as he was available.

Rich - The second autodrafter who wanted the best available quarterback at the time. This proved to be a major flaw as I am sure he was expecting Cam or Stafford to be there at this spot. Unfortunately, he got Michael Vick. And because I have to be unbiased in this case, I wept a little inside, despite having Drew Brees. I again had to be unbiased and follow Rich's draft strategy, leaving him without a backup QB. His next autodraft pick on the All Injured Team was Darren McFadden.

Ed - Not one to keep up with the news, Ed selected the potentially to be suspended Marshawn Lynch. He picked up Lynch last year after I dropped him, before his 11 week tear. His next pick was the way to early selection of Matt Ryan, but I can see him being a sleeper. I think Ed will struggle to finish 3rd place this year.

Kerr - He selects Matt Forte, who, despite the fact Michael Bush is there, is still statistically a steal. He averages like 10 points a game despite never being the goal line back and always has increased production. He is the work force of the Bears and I feel like with an improved receiving corps Forte can have a slightly better year (if he plays all 16 games). In the second round he got another high-octane running back - Demarco Murray, followed by the clavicle-less Ryan Mathews and the maligned Jay Cutler.

Brandon - After he picked his jaw up off the floor after witnessing utter baffoonery conducted 15 times before him, he selects Larry Fitzgerald, who will have a better year if the back up quarterback becomes the starting quarterback. Fitz has always been a great player, but with the way things went, Brandon had to get the best available play maker. Next up in the snake draft for him was Eli Manning. I have never known anybody to win with Eli Manning at quarterback and this may ring true again.

There you have it. It took like 4 hours to complete, with a major break coming in for grilling followed by oreo cake pops, bacon laced potato salad, pulled pork, Scott's infamous cookies, and me being smashed off two Rolling Rock bottles.

The night concluded in Pudding's pool where I proeceeded to yell the biggest asshole comment to one of my league mates that I will reserve to repeat if and when I defeat him in Week 1.

Brandon, Kerr, Ed, I hope you choke on it.

Dubaround The NFL - Non-Eagels Football Thoughts

Well, one minor Eagles point...thoughts and prayers to the family of Andy Reid for the loss of his son. It is a shame to have to bury a child and one problem I wish to never experience in my life. Take your time sir.

So, I am a football fan. I love everything about it. I would gladly watch the Browns vs. the Colts. I have grown to appreciate the NFL altogether from several years now of playing fantasy football. Knowing the players, rooting for these individual players and subsequently their teams. Below is a list of my favorite teams per division, aside from the NFC East, home of my precious Philadelphia Eagles.

AFC West

Ah yes. The new home of Peyton Manning and home of some of the NFL's best rivalries. I was not a fan of football when these rivalries began brewing, and not having a super vested interest in this division I am not familiar with them at all. I previously rooted for the San Diego Chargers because I supported Drew Brees as my favorite non-Philadelphia player. He won me a couple of fantasy football championships in his earlier career. I disowned the thought of ever cheering on the Raiders after they let Jason Campbell become their quarterback.

 

 

Better than Jamarcus Russel, yes, but what you don't see here in this picture is his Under Armor turtleneck slowly creeping up out of his jersey. I don't like guys who wear turtlenecks. I found myself cheering for the Broncos occassionally as I liked Jake "The Snake" Plummer back in the day, and recently with the addition of Brian Dawkins and Correll Buckhalter. Dawkins just retired and now the Broncos are a potential Super Bowl entrant based on the services of Peyton Manning. However, the team I root for now out of the AFC West is a team that personnaly enriched my life and increased my cholesterol. Two years ago I bet my friend Brandon that the Chiefs would win 6 games before the Lions would. I then went further to say, "Fuck it, the Chiefs will win the division." Boom. I rule. I loved the chiefs when they had Tyler Thigpen, who they should have never dumped off! He was a gunslinger and excellent fantasy replacement QB. Anywho, with Jamaal Charles returning, Matt Cassel assumingly having nowhere to go but up, plus Dwayne Bowe, an emerging tight end, and up and coming receivers and returning key defensive players, they are part of the reason why the AFC West is still wide open. Don't be surprised to see them take the division, even though I feel the Broncos have the swagger.

 

NFC West

Yuck. I want to root for the Rams, but I just can't. I mean I physically cannot. It would be great if Sam Bradford developed into a great quarterback. It would be great if Steven Jackson could be on a team with a winning record for the first time in his career. It would be nice if an easier to spell name of Brian Quick is their best receiver over Danny Amendola and Michael Hoomanawanui. I like Jeff Fischer as a coach, so maybe I can flip flop over the course of the upcoming season. Seattle, more like boraphyl. I last enjoyed/rooted for the Seahawks back when Sean Alexander was making history and Madden Covers. He was a likeable guy and helped the Seahawks dominate. Then when he left for the Redskins, the Seahawks were stuck with nothing and a quarterback who had a bad back, ol' man Hasselback. They are far from the team that made it to the Superbowl a couple years back, and will stay that way for a while. They are the first team with a losing record to host and win a playoff game. They also are boring to watch. The San Francisco 49ers were a surprise team last year, but I truly believe if the Eagles found a way to hold them off, then their season would have turned out differently. That win gave the 49ers a confidence to trounce almost every other team they played thereafter and ultimately fell one game short of the Superbowl. I like their coach, I like Vernon Davis, but I cannot seriously cheer on Alex Smith. I think he is the next Rex Grossman.

 

By default, I will root for the Cardinals. They are the only team to ever beat the Eagles in the playoffs that I rooted for in the Superbowl. Kurt Warner was amazing for them. Larry Fitzgerald is a great player to watch, so it is sad to see the quarterback battle between Kevin Kolb and Jon Skelton. I think Skelton should be the starter going forward as he gets to grow up in the Cardinals system, as opposed to Kolb who got the foster kid treatment from the Eagles and now Arizona. It sucks that he sucks.

AFC North

Crazy ass division up here. First, I like more teams than I don't like in this division. If you are Chinese, you understand that means I like 3 of the 4 teams. The team I don't like - The Steelers. I like to joke about rape, but not actually support accused rapists. I don't like their dirty players on defense. What Ben Rapelsberger does though has been pretty significant over the past 5 years, so he earned his respect. I just don't like that they are successful.

So, I like the Browns because they are underdogs that cannot seem to catch a break. They used two first round picks this year to hopefully shore up their future and make things right. The Bengals are up and coming, and I like the way Andy Dalton plays plus their defense always works hard. Going with the youth movement was a smart choice for them. But these two teams don't exhibit enough qualities combined compared to the Baltimore Ravens. I can watch any Ravens game. I may not know all their players, but their defense and now their offense are very respectable. I don't think Joe Flacco is any better than "serviceable" but that is better than below average. However, every game I have ever watched of theirs I knew they were in it. I like that they have older players who refuse to retire but still play at that same level or try to impact the team and will them to win with their presence alone. That is rare, and the Ravens are special like that.

NFC North

Perhaps the new "most hardest division in the NFL"? It is hard to not like the Packers. Aaron Rogers is incredible. The defense could stop the bleeding though, which would make him less incredible, not having to get into a scoring sprint with other teams. The Bears have consistently beaten the Eagles over the past couple years and I find it very hard to get behind them with their quarterback who looks like he smelled some bad fish. I do like their defense, though. The Vikings are whatever. Several people in my family like the Vikes, but I cannot be fake and bring myself to like them. With Adrien Peterson suffering his ACL injury last year, even if he came back at 90%, still makes them a weak team. Therefore, I like the young, scrappy Lions. I always teased Brandon about his blind faith of Detroit, but I am behind them as well. The guys on that team that went 0-16 deserve every accolade heaped upon them. They have a good young corps, just need that extra boost at running back now. Their defense got picked apart by Drew Brees in the playoffs, so I hope they can bounce back from that (except for Week 6). I am a believer, so Go Lions! (except Week 6).

AFC South

I used to despise the Colts due to the greatness of Peyton Manning, and got a thrill of a sports fans lifetime watching the Eagles march back to victory over them two years ago in person. The presence of Andrew Luck and other young parts does not draw me to them at all. The Titans are meh. They have probably the new Pacman Jones - Kenny "The Tragedy" Britt. Maybe their younger players have a good opportunity, and I hope they can be competitive.

 

I used to really like the Jaguars. I remember them beating Pittsburgh in the playoffs one year in a really exciting game. Byron Leftwhich had the sweetest looking throwing motion, a full windmill of a throw. However, those glory days are long past gone and their star is holding out. Yet, I still have a warm place in my heart for them. The winner of last year's division is the Houston Texans. I liked them for a while, and their coach looks like my manager, but there is just something I do not like about rooting for them now that they have gotten over the Peyton Manning hump. I like the fire of Arian Foster, Ben Tate, and their defense. However I think they will be more disappointing than the Jaguars due to their propensity for injuries. The Jaguars have to improve their game before they go broke or funded directly by the NFL, and they are in the 32nd smallest market and the 32nd most popular team. I think I have to root for the little guys. And I hope Laurent Robinson wasn't what I fear he was - a one year wonder.

 

NFC South

In my mind, this is the real hardest division in the NFL. The Saints and Falcons made the playoffs the past two years. The Buccaneers were pushovers last year, but spent every red cent to get their team competitive again. And the Panthers have Lions-like potential. I used to be pro-Saints, 100 percent, because of Brees. I like that the town has become his home and he took them on his back to the Superbowl and every Monday/Thursday/Sunday thereafter. I like the upward mobility of the Panthers though. I liked the Bucs when Jeff Garcia was at the helm, and thought Josh Freeman would've done better overall, but I am wrong. Therefore, right now, I am 60 percent for the Saints, with 40 percent for the Panthers.

 

AFC East

I remember growing up, and before I become a big football fan, that the Bills would seem to go to the playoffs or Superbowl every year just to make sure another team won the title. I think I liked loveable losers. The Dolphins were last relevant with the Ronnie Brown experiment that took them to a division title. The Patriots and its recurring components are living legends. And the Jets ruin everything there is to love about fantasy football.

 

I have a 16 team league I run. That means that most likely to fill the roster spots, 2 positional players from each team will be selected, giving me 2 times 16 to eaqual 32 players, let's say widereceivers, to START the teams each week. Double that to account for bench spots, and you get 64 - 2 per team. However, when you factor in the Jets, there is really only a pool of 62 positional players because everybody at every position for the Jets are shitty value for fantasy. Perhaps their kicker is the best option. So, with 62 quality-ish receivers to choose from, that means somebody must rely on Jason Avant or Michael Hoomanawanui or Legadu Nanee. Throw in the flex spot, and the Jets have depleted the quality player pool even more. So, fist yourself, Jets.

 

I would have to root for the Bills. I like a team that has been disrespected by their own actions. I like a quarterback with the nickname "Fitzmagic." I like Fred Jackson and the dorky/insane Stevie Johnson. I like the fact they made every move they could to bolster the defense. I am hoping for just a playoff berth for them, and double fingers crossed for the division.

 

 

So, with this out of the way, please enjoy the (pre)season!

Just the Facts, Ma'am

So I have been out of school for almost 6 years now. I completed my Master's Degree in December 2006. I always felt after all these years of working that I have rarely applied concepts from my school time into the real life career I have as an environmental professional. Typing was still and always has been the most important class I have ever taken. As it stands, I think one actual class towards the end my graduate program has had some project management concepts I am finally getting to apply.

So, listed below are some facts I will always remember from my time in school:

Humans, and all animals have a barrier layer of heat that keeps us warm in perfectly calm weather conditions. It is just one of those phenomenons of nature that is a little trippy. An infrared scan of the naked human body would show increased heat around a person standing still. It almost looks like an invisible force field, but it is just retaining your heat. When the wind blows strong enough, it breaks the barrier and further allows all the heat to run away from the body. It is also why moving around slightly in the midst of a heat wave feels cooler than standing still in the sun. While working, I wear minimal clothing, enough to protect my barrier layer, and one or two nitrile gloves that is plenty enough to trap the heat on my hands.

If you want something evaporate faster, spread it out so the liquid's surface area is greater. You can have a gallon of water in a gallon sized carton with no lid last way longer than if you poured out that gallon in a 1 foot by 1 foot by 1 foot deep box. Only have one paper towel and a large water spill? Do what you can to spread it out much further than where it is currently sitting and it will be gone in now time.

Particles that make up matter are constantly in motion. The movement of particles is a measure of temperature. When objects are at their lowest speed, they are solid. When they heat up and are able to freely move while still retaining some mass, it is now liquid. Increase the temperature even more so that gravity no longer has an impact on the matter, you have a gas. However, sometimes particles can go directly from solid to gas, and that in between stage is plasma. Bottom line - everything slowly becomes a gas.

When you are outside in the middle of a field and you feel the hair on the back of your neck slowly start to rise, get down immediately. You are the most charged item available for lightning to strike. To be safe, and increase your chances of survival, get on your knees and forearms and stick your ass in the air. You would rather have your ass get struck and have it pass through your knees/forearms than to hit your head first and travel through all your organs.

If you see somebody who has gripped live electricity and cannot let go, drop kick them

If you grab somebody being electrocuted and you are on the ground, consider yourself dead as well. If you can jump up high enough, and turn your body parallel to the ground, then bend your knees to your chest only to extend out as violently and relentlessly as possible, and nail that electric motherfucker so hard he loses his grip. Both of you will end up safe and you forever get to say you kicked you dropkicked your friend.

You will always see something before you hear it. Especially something you see from far away. You will also always here something getting louder as it approaches, and that will happen quickly and you will hear something slowly get quieter.

All soil that we stand on has rock underneath it that is solid, whether it is a couple feet down or a mile down.

Well, that is my 20+ years of education that I carry in my head every day. So glad I am in debt forever for these nuggets of information.

Movie Review - The Dark Knight Rises

Hello, movie fans! I had the pleasure on Saturday of seeing the most anticipated movie in my summer movies preview - The Dark Knight Rises. We tried to see it a couple times in its first week of release but at a run time of almost 3 hours we had to plan this viewing accordingly. 2:40 in the afternoon why not?

Where to start...

Main Characters

Batman/Bruce Wayne - Bruce has fallen on hard times, having had an accident as Batman a few years prior to the start of the movie. Bruce has been away from his company and most social functions as well. He walks with a cane and looks like a guy on a desert island who works out. Batman hasn't been seen since Harvey Dent died a "hero" from the last movie. Bruce eventually meets Catwoman Selina Kyle when she tries to steal from him. She sends some messages to Bruce about the have-nots wanting to revolt on his kind and will eventually rule Gotham again. He gets his shit together and goes to a fund raiser, goes back to his company, and tries to be himself again. At the same time, the call for Batman arises, specifically when I believe Bane takes over the stock exchange. The police officer decides to chase Batman rather than Bane. Batman gets away and eventually finds Bane, only to learn that Bruce/Batman are just getting old and slower. Bane destroys Batman and breaks his back. Bane puts Bruce in a prison somewhere far away in which he heals and escapes from. Batman is better than ever and returns to Gotham to be the hero that the people who knew he was all along.

Selina Kyle/Catwoman - The most dreaded part about going into this movie. I hate Catwoman. The character is the lamest thing. Anne Hathaway as a villain/hero/villain is not intriguing to me. However, she is presented very well in the movie. She has one cheesy movie at the very end fight scene between Batman and Bane, but I won't ruin it for you. Otherwise, her character was really good, both as her criminal self and in the Catwoman costume. Thankfully the movie didn't have Gotham City just straight up call her Catwoman. She was instead listed as a mysterious "Cat Burglar", kind of like how Batman was referred to as "The Batman". She does some fighting which is believable and is a cunning bitch. Like I said, her character is good and the movie makers made the right choice.

Bane - I see some people who think Bane sucked, and others like me who thought he was awesome. Not as good as the Joker from the last movie, but who can be that good? Bane is far more believable than the Bane portrayed in the abortion of Batman and Robin from the 90s. Bane is introduced immediately as a tactical terrorist/killer. He is supremely intelligent and is loyal to an unknown cause. His followers are equally as loyal. He does not use guns, but rather his bare hands. He is also huge, but not in a cartoonish way. His voice is indeed muffled through his mask, but it is bearable and adds to the character in my opinion. He explains little pieces of his plan as he kills people. My favorite part is when he enters the collapsed football stadium in front of the remaining crowd and introduces himself and his gang along with his plot. He took the creator of his special bomb out to say to the people that this professor is indeed the only person on the planet who knows how to dismantle the device. Bane then kills the scientist in front of everybody after the proclomation, securing that Gotham will not be safe. He breaks Batman once and meets up with Batman one more time towards the end of the movie where he keeps pace easily again.

Miranda - She is some actress I do not know, but she looked like a Persian Jessica Albah. She was okay but is crucial to the movie plot. Bruce bangs her on the floor in front of one of his many fireplaces.

Talia A'Ghul - Seeking revenge for the death of daddy Ras A'Ghul, Talia proves to be the mastermind behind everything

Commissioner Gordon - He falls and can't get up towards the beginning of the movie and spends the second and third quarters of the movie in the hospital recovering. He is still a balls to the wall commissioner who treats his job like he is at a war and actually pulls through to be pretty bad ass (for a short, older man that Kim profiles as "rapey"). He actually gets disgusted at the Gotham police force being a bunch of wimps since the death of Harvey Dent.

Detective Blake - A younger cop promoted to detective by Gordon after he shows the Commissioner some passion that is missing from the current police force. He is a decent fighter and pretty ballsy. He is an orphan, just as Bruce was. While Bruce is away from his company, Wayne Enterprises stops donating to the home that Blake was in. Blake pleads with Bruce to man up and do what is right again, partly implying that his friend Batman should come back as well. He becomes Gordon's favorite player in the war against Bane and is responsible for getting as many people out of Gotham as possible in the end of the movie.

Alfred - Alfred is happy that Bruce is back in the manor, but becomes highly distressed when he decides to don the cape again. You see him cry, and it is sad watching an old man cry.

Plot Analysis

I am by far no movie aficianado if I consider "The Dark Knight" and "The Dark Knight Rises" as my top two movies ever. But I thought the story for the movie was pretty cool. Bane, a mercenary, who has been training for years to be who he is carries out a plan that you first think he is behind, until Talia shows up. Bruce is empty and it shows. Batman is now legend rather than vigilante. Peace is grand in Gotham, but it is becoming very much an "Occupy Gotham" type scenario. When Bane gets to Gotham, he destroys it. Worse than what the Joker tried to do. He had a bigger scheme to eradicate the entire city, and was willing to sacrifice his life to do so. He breaks open the prisons and determines that the city is given back to the people. Gotham I guess is symbolic to the world like New York City is, so he thinks it will make a statement. The criminals are broken free after Batman is presumed lost forever. They pull out the "haves" and make them live in the sewer city and roles are reversed. If a "have" is found outside the sewer, they are put on trial. They are given a choice by the returning Scare Crow of death or exile. Nobody would choose death, but they have to choose exile. Only all the bridges are collapsed. The exile consists of the accused to have to walk across the icy river to get to the other side. I doubt anybody would make it. Even Gordon gets exiled, after he chose death for him and his police force. When he goes to walk, he finds a flare that he lights and drops on a puddle of gasoline. It lights a fire across the ice that travels up to the bridge and, in flames, lights up the bat symbol. Then shit gets real and a humongous fight between the cops and Bane's citizens occurs in the streets. It was pretty cool looking in my opinion. Talia reveals the plan and confronts Batman and explains Bane even further. Some final fights and then the payoff at the end of the movie.

Overall, this movie was incredible. I liked the story, but it had many moving parts. Some characters vital to the story progression were introduced only to be killed off just as quick. I personally like, albeit it was a little cheesy, when the higher up cop who is okay with peace time and decides to pursue Batman over Bane, and hides in his home when the convicts/have nots rise up, decides its time to do what's best for him. Again, I won't ruin it, but I liked it.

You do not have had to seen the first two Batmans of this trilogy to follow it. If you know somebody who saw it just ask them what happened. In fact I will tell you. Batman Begins - he begins. The Dark Knight - He captures the joker, Harvey Dent was a hero to Gotham and eventually went crazy and on a murderous rampage and Batman and Commissioner Gordon protected Dent's legacy by letting Batman take the fall for it all.

I give this movie a 98 percent, A+(+). I was never bored, but that is also because I love these series of Batman movies. I thought this was better than the Avengers, but it may just be tied with a slight nod over the hero gang film. Go see it, it is worth every penny.